I think you should see a doctor.

My opinion. This month marks seven years sober for me which I say only to offer my addiction creds.

Relapse, I think, does not mean what addicts interpret it to mean. At least not in practice. Relapse is not a permanent state of being. Even if you do fall off the wagon, you don't have to grovel in the dirt. Get back up and get on with saving yourself. It's not a free pass - well, I screwed up so i'll use again for a week or a month. There are real dangers to resuming using.

These fears of relapse is your addiction talking. It wants you back so it can continue killing you. Listen to its voice as though it is a serial killer trying to lure you into his car. Because it is.

Stay busy. Focus on the wonderful benefits of sobriety. Focus on your own strength. If you're not in a 12-step, find one. Structure helps.

Don't waste your youth getting wasted.

Call a sober friend. Go to a 12 step meeting. Maybe find a sponsor. These are ways to get help from people who truly understand what you are struggling with. Good luck! ❤️

If your scared and aware that should help
You need to figure out what your triggers are
You need to find alternatives to this behavior
You need to reward yourself every so often when you stay away from the bad behavior

Keep the struggle going

If you beat the peak now, this is the beast's end

Sometimes before ya rewire, your brain tries to really see if you wanna let this go

Defeat this invisible titan and you'll find yourself on an incline to clearness soon. Don't quit

If you really feel, it's gonna happen, as long as it can and you can afford, I will play devil's advocate maybe you need to let it? The better question becomes why do you need this?