How to create a right balance between being passive and being aggressive?

I controlled my emotions and anger for years, it became a part of who I was. But I recently realized that if you don't stand up for yourself at times, if you remain overly passive, you're going to be mocked and bullied. That brought about a change in my attitude and I think I can show my anger now to someone who deserves that. I am trying to be more assertive these days. Now I am always ready to give back to the bullies a taste of their own medicine. While I feel more confident in myself now, I wonder if all that new found aggressiveness is good for me.

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

ItsAllAboutLove · F

Agression will only lead to even more anger as well from yourself as from the other person. I think you can still stand up for yourself in a passive way, like, "Look, we need to talk. I would appreciate it if you (explai nhere) because it makes me feel (explain here)." without yelling or calling names is way more effective. But that's just my own opinion. Bullies will be bullying, you know. Don't give them any energy. Just tell yourself "As long as I choose to stay a decent person." Getting back at them will make you become one too. I've had bullies in my life too, and LOTS of them, and I have learned from my own experience ignoring them was the best thing to do. Some people you just can't get through anyway. Though I also like to add perhaps if you tell them "Hey, how would YOU feel when someone would treat YOU the same way, huh!" How would YOU feel? Can you think about THAT for a second?! Shame on you!" and then leave it with that. Or maybe don't add the "same on you". Just let them think about their own behavior and then do something else, walk away from them.

beingawesome · 26-30, M

@LilyOfTheValley: I understand what you mean Lily. I used to smile away when bullied or called names. But they didn't change their attitude. So I figured I'll need to have more of an intimidating attitude to deal with some pricks. And I feel a change within myself. One, with the new found attitude, I have improved my body language and I feel like I can stand up for myself very strongly now. I have grown in confidence. A month ago, if someone would have bullied me, that wouldn't have drawn a reaction from me immediately. I would have been sad later, but I wasn't spontaneous with my emotions. Now I feel like I am always on my toe and I can be spontaneous. Internally I am daring someone to try and bully me now and face this new side of me. It's a change, I don't know whether for the better or for worse. In a way, I have decided to be angry rather than sad.

ItsAllAboutLove · F

I also thought about the 'right' answers for narcissists, as I've been dealing with a few narcissists in my life. "Well, I'm sorry you're feeling that way." Don't show any emotion, don't get angry. They'll feel like they have lost all control over you, so they'll choose another victim. Too bad for that other person then that they'll choose, but at least they'll leave YOU alone. ;)

SWisGoingWoke · M

I made it completely through high school without swinging my fist once, but everyone thought I was a real fighter...it's a lot about your attitude and how you carry yourself...body language.

View 1 more replies »

SWisGoingWoke · M

@beingawesome: One thing I've learned since high school...don't swing your fist unless you intend to do whatever is necessary to completely and totally decimate your opponent. Winning is the only option once you start a fight...do not just try to nullify the other person or "show them they need to back off." You do not know what they're capable of or willing to do, so you have to be capable and willing to go past 100% offensively as fast and furious as you can.

This message was deleted by its author.

beingawesome · 26-30, M

@Oosure: Wow that was really great advice. Thank you Oosure. I think I would refrain from getting in a physical fight. But I'll try to be more assertive and have my way with them.

Add a comment...