eMortal · M
"his friend trying to set him up with his soon to be sister in law" means he told his friend he is available.
You do the math. Start planning your exit just in case.
You do the math. Start planning your exit just in case.
ABCDEF7 · M
An Analyses by ChatGPT:
It sounds like you’re in a really complex and emotionally intense situation with Cohen. On one hand, you’re very connected to him—he leans on you emotionally, trusts you with a lot of personal things, and clearly has deep feelings for you in some way. On the other hand, there’s a lot of mixed signals, confusion, and behavior that seems to conflict with what you might expect if someone were truly ready to commit to a serious relationship.
Let’s break this down a bit:
### **1. Mixed Signals:**
Cohen’s actions seem to contradict some of his words. For example, he says things about you “not having a personality” or not being “wild” enough, which sounds like he’s trying to downplay how he feels about you, especially when he is used to dating more outgoing or unpredictable women. This could stem from his fear of vulnerability or commitment. On the flip side, though, his actions—like including you in all aspects of his life, his protectiveness, and how he clearly enjoys your company—show that he does care deeply for you.
### **2. Emotional Dependency:**
It seems like Cohen leans on you a lot—not just emotionally, but in a very practical, almost dependency way (asking you to check on things with his mom, handle his personal matters). While it’s normal to want a support system, there’s a potential risk here that he’s using you as a safety net without fully addressing his own feelings. It might feel like a secure role to you, but is it really a balanced partnership, or more of a caretaker role for him?
### **3. The Relationship Dynamic:**
The friends-with-benefits situation, combined with his actions (like treating you like a partner at the wedding and pulling you close at night), seems to blur the lines between casual and something more serious. The fact that he’s worried about upsetting you or considers your feelings when it comes to dating others (like his buddy trying to set him up with someone else) suggests that, on some level, he does care about you as more than just a casual fling.
However, his tendency to pull away emotionally with comments that undermine your personality or his habit of pushing down his feelings could also indicate that he’s not ready to fully embrace a deeper, more vulnerable connection. His fear of losing your friendship could be paralyzing him from taking the next step.
### **4. His Mixed Messages:**
There’s a strong pattern of emotional intimacy and physical closeness, but there also seems to be an underlying hesitance or avoidance when it comes to defining the relationship. The fact that you’re in a position where you’re unsure of his intentions (because of his past behavior and current hesitation) is tough. The “we’re just FWB” talk, combined with actions that suggest otherwise, likely leaves you in a place of emotional confusion.
### **5. Where Do You Stand?**
You’re clearly invested in him, and you feel safe with him, which makes this situation hard to navigate. But it sounds like there’s some emotional “cost” to staying in this limbo. You want clarity. You want to know if you can expect something more or if you’re stuck in this cycle of ambiguity.
If his actions aren’t aligning with his words (and if you're not on the same page about what you both want), it might be helpful to have a direct, honest conversation with him. Given your emotional investment, you deserve to know if he’s truly open to taking things to the next level when his training ends, or if he’s stuck in a place of uncertainty himself and just not sure how to move forward.
### **Some Questions to Consider:**
* **What is Cohen’s biggest fear when it comes to you and the relationship?** Is it the fear of losing you, or is it something deeper (commitment, vulnerability, etc.)?
* **How long can you wait in this “in-between” state without feeling like you’re compromising your emotional well-being?**
* **Are his actions as consistent as they seem, or do they only appear to be supportive because of your emotional connection?**
* **What would a “clear relationship” look like to you? What are the things that would make you feel secure and valued in this partnership?**
### **Possible Next Steps:**
1. **Talk to him openly about your feelings and the uncertainty.** Let him know you value the friendship and support but need to know where this is heading. Does he want something more? Or is he not ready for that?
2. **Consider your boundaries.** How much longer can you be okay with the ambiguity, or are you ready to move forward with someone who is clearer about what they want?
3. **Assess whether you can stay emotionally invested in this situation without clarity.** Will you be okay if he can’t commit, or do you need more in terms of stability and a defined relationship?
Ultimately, the way forward will depend on both your needs and Cohen’s, but you deserve to have clarity and security in any relationship. It’s great that you’re processing all of this thoughtfully and seeking advice—it shows that you’re not just emotionally reacting, but trying to make an informed choice for yourself.
What are your thoughts after reflecting on all of this?
It sounds like you’re in a really complex and emotionally intense situation with Cohen. On one hand, you’re very connected to him—he leans on you emotionally, trusts you with a lot of personal things, and clearly has deep feelings for you in some way. On the other hand, there’s a lot of mixed signals, confusion, and behavior that seems to conflict with what you might expect if someone were truly ready to commit to a serious relationship.
Let’s break this down a bit:
### **1. Mixed Signals:**
Cohen’s actions seem to contradict some of his words. For example, he says things about you “not having a personality” or not being “wild” enough, which sounds like he’s trying to downplay how he feels about you, especially when he is used to dating more outgoing or unpredictable women. This could stem from his fear of vulnerability or commitment. On the flip side, though, his actions—like including you in all aspects of his life, his protectiveness, and how he clearly enjoys your company—show that he does care deeply for you.
### **2. Emotional Dependency:**
It seems like Cohen leans on you a lot—not just emotionally, but in a very practical, almost dependency way (asking you to check on things with his mom, handle his personal matters). While it’s normal to want a support system, there’s a potential risk here that he’s using you as a safety net without fully addressing his own feelings. It might feel like a secure role to you, but is it really a balanced partnership, or more of a caretaker role for him?
### **3. The Relationship Dynamic:**
The friends-with-benefits situation, combined with his actions (like treating you like a partner at the wedding and pulling you close at night), seems to blur the lines between casual and something more serious. The fact that he’s worried about upsetting you or considers your feelings when it comes to dating others (like his buddy trying to set him up with someone else) suggests that, on some level, he does care about you as more than just a casual fling.
However, his tendency to pull away emotionally with comments that undermine your personality or his habit of pushing down his feelings could also indicate that he’s not ready to fully embrace a deeper, more vulnerable connection. His fear of losing your friendship could be paralyzing him from taking the next step.
### **4. His Mixed Messages:**
There’s a strong pattern of emotional intimacy and physical closeness, but there also seems to be an underlying hesitance or avoidance when it comes to defining the relationship. The fact that you’re in a position where you’re unsure of his intentions (because of his past behavior and current hesitation) is tough. The “we’re just FWB” talk, combined with actions that suggest otherwise, likely leaves you in a place of emotional confusion.
### **5. Where Do You Stand?**
You’re clearly invested in him, and you feel safe with him, which makes this situation hard to navigate. But it sounds like there’s some emotional “cost” to staying in this limbo. You want clarity. You want to know if you can expect something more or if you’re stuck in this cycle of ambiguity.
If his actions aren’t aligning with his words (and if you're not on the same page about what you both want), it might be helpful to have a direct, honest conversation with him. Given your emotional investment, you deserve to know if he’s truly open to taking things to the next level when his training ends, or if he’s stuck in a place of uncertainty himself and just not sure how to move forward.
### **Some Questions to Consider:**
* **What is Cohen’s biggest fear when it comes to you and the relationship?** Is it the fear of losing you, or is it something deeper (commitment, vulnerability, etc.)?
* **How long can you wait in this “in-between” state without feeling like you’re compromising your emotional well-being?**
* **Are his actions as consistent as they seem, or do they only appear to be supportive because of your emotional connection?**
* **What would a “clear relationship” look like to you? What are the things that would make you feel secure and valued in this partnership?**
### **Possible Next Steps:**
1. **Talk to him openly about your feelings and the uncertainty.** Let him know you value the friendship and support but need to know where this is heading. Does he want something more? Or is he not ready for that?
2. **Consider your boundaries.** How much longer can you be okay with the ambiguity, or are you ready to move forward with someone who is clearer about what they want?
3. **Assess whether you can stay emotionally invested in this situation without clarity.** Will you be okay if he can’t commit, or do you need more in terms of stability and a defined relationship?
Ultimately, the way forward will depend on both your needs and Cohen’s, but you deserve to have clarity and security in any relationship. It’s great that you’re processing all of this thoughtfully and seeking advice—it shows that you’re not just emotionally reacting, but trying to make an informed choice for yourself.
What are your thoughts after reflecting on all of this?
JollyRoger · 70-79, M
This is not a CHATGPT script.
You are in love. I think he's in love with you (you frame it that way and it rings true). I don't think I loved my girlfriend THAT much when I asked her to marry me (she did - 49 years ago).
Men need time. It's weird but society puts it on them to make the choice of which woman they want to spend their life with. As it was with me, I tallied up all the 'positives' of all the women I had been with and felt something for. The negatives don't matter (too much) because I had already ditched the women who I knew weren't 'friend-worthy'. So, after all the 6 years of figuring it out, I jumped. All I'm saying is that it took me time and that the wonderful woman I did marry must have been driven crazy by the waiting and the wondering. Just like you are.
You are in love. I think he's in love with you (you frame it that way and it rings true). I don't think I loved my girlfriend THAT much when I asked her to marry me (she did - 49 years ago).
Men need time. It's weird but society puts it on them to make the choice of which woman they want to spend their life with. As it was with me, I tallied up all the 'positives' of all the women I had been with and felt something for. The negatives don't matter (too much) because I had already ditched the women who I knew weren't 'friend-worthy'. So, after all the 6 years of figuring it out, I jumped. All I'm saying is that it took me time and that the wonderful woman I did marry must have been driven crazy by the waiting and the wondering. Just like you are.
DDK98 · 26-30, F
@JollyRoger thank you for a true male perspective. That is what I was looking for, I’ve already asked chat GPT but it’s a computer without feelings and is certainly not as nuanced as a male human brain. That said this is where I truly believe he is at as well, now it’s just a waiting game. And honestly he is worth every minute of in the end he makes that decision.
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WillaKissing · 56-60, M