I need y'all's advice..
I've been trying to reflect and sometimes It's hard to see things from an outside perspective so I'm asking y'all..
Basically I traveled to see my best friend, and it ended really bad.
Originally we were thinking of a different travel, but because I haven't seen her in years and talked about visiting her for so long I felt like I should visit her first. She only had a day off but we extended our trip anyways and went to 3 different countries in one trip. We were supposed to see her first (she said she would get time off), but then after she didn't have time off, we rearranged our trip which not only cost us more money but also added several days of travel time.. But we did it so that we could spend one day with her.
We took the earliest ferry to meet her for lunch, which meant we had to wake up at 6am, and go straight to lunch when we arrived. While at lunch she talked about all the things she had planned for us, she wanted to show us everything, I told her that I was way to exhausted from all the traveling and had barely slept, so I needed a nap. She also said that she was going to call in sick to work the next day, so I then thought that meant we would have 2 days together instead of one, so we wouldn't need to stress. We agreed to meet at 4pm, and she came to our hotel, while I got ready we had two bottles of champagne, some shots and drinks. From my perspective we had fun, and I'm a quality time kinda person, I care about spending time with people not WHAT we do.
When we left the hotel, we were all pretty tipsy (some drunk), and she tried to give us a tour and got a bit angry when we didn't pay too much attention to everything, I honestly thought she was joking around, because in my mind it was pretty clear that we weren't going to go for a tour of her city at that time.
I was hungry (we hadn't eaten since lunch at 10:30, and it was around 7-8pm), and she wanted to go to a bar with cheap alcohol and pizza so we went there.
As I looked at the menu she started "lecturing" me because I was worried about my man being too drunk, and not wanted both of us to be wasted in a new country, so I told him that if he was drinking more I would slow down, or he would need to slow down. I was a bit annoyed but mostly because she kept interfering and talking against me, telling me to let go of control and relax on top of other things.
She kept asking why I feel like that knowing that I have a lot of trauma and a lot of trauma involving alcohol, it wasn't something I felt like talking about in that moment, so I kept looking at the menu - talking about what to eat while she kept trying to talk about serious things, and what felt like attacking me. She started pointing out that I was off my meds and I have issues, that I need to work on it and stop worrying, that I'm safe and need to relax, that I need to enjoy the moment, just a bunch of poking at my emotions it felt like. I was off my meds because I forgot my meds at home when we left for the trip so I was extra sensitive and a bit anxious... I kept trying to avoid the conversation because I felt so uncomfortable, and she kept speaking louder and yelling, telling me to look at her, and even said "I know you're crying" before I even broke down. Eventually I left the table and went to the restroom to get a break, where I then started tearing up. I texted my sister who called me to ask what's wrong. After a while she came to the restroom and I told her straight out that she made me cry and that she's being really mean. She kept telling me to trust her, that SHE will tell me if we get out of control drunk, and to trust her. After we sat down I ordered food and a mojito.
I tried to have fun, but she brought things back up again. I got more annoyed and it turned into me getting annoyed with my man for being too drunk, but calmed down again and tried to just ignore my own intuition and "have fun". Around midnight I was done and ready to leave. I told her she could stay at our hotel, and said that we could grab some food and go home to sleep. She then said "if y'all go to sleep I'll never speak to you again!" which I ignored. AFTER I said I wanted to leave, she ordered another beer. She sat down and said that she's going to drink her beer cause she paid for it, so we waited for her to drink her beer. When I said let's go she asked if I was seriously going to sleep, I said yes. She then got angry, and I said that they can do what they want, but I was tired and had a headache and just wanted to go to sleep. When we came outside she started asking again if I was serious in a very aggressive tone, so I ignored it at first cause I had already said it twice. She then screamed why she stayed out so long "FOR YOU TWO" which made me feel like shit, cause we traveled all that way, and she was making a big deal about staying out late to spend time with us? She started screaming at me to fuck off, and that she would never speak to me again and "fuck you both". my husband came out mids screaming and asked what was happening, she then screamed at him to fuck off, and he asked what was happening, she continued to scream at us both to fuck off while she walked away so he screamed back "no fuck you" and that she's not allowed to talk to me like that.
We left and she sent me several mean messages, she also tried to call me which I didn't see until we got back to the hotel so I tried to call her back, she ignored and kept sending messages. I told her I had no idea what made her go off like that. She blocked me, and next morning added me back.
I expected an apology, instead I got a new message two days later about how I disappointed her, how disrespectful I was and that she was yelled at... I later replied saying how I felt, and that she was the one yelling and disrespecting me, which did not end well at all.
After arguing a bit, I'm basically left with a feeling that she's had a lot of resentment for me for whatever reason for years, and it feels like she's trying her hardest to find a new thing to be mad about so that she don't need to apologize for how she acted.
I thought about saying sorry for messing up her plans and just try to solve it, but then I reread the messages and I'm just not sure there's anything to solve. I don't wanna lose a good friend, but good friends are not supposed to gather up ammunition and then use it against you either, so I'm just lost.
I could've brought up so much against her as well, but I won't because it's in the past and when I decided to move on from it that's where I left it.
She also said she's felt blindsided by me "ever since I left her for Miami", which is hella confusing cause I never left her when we were in Miami, actually she left me and I even reported her missing + she ditched half our trip which I then went on alone... On top of that that was in 2019...
I've had several people tell me I should just block her and move on cause she's jealous and toxic, but she's been my best friend for 10 years and I don't want to just "give up" on her either.
Heeeelp!
Basically I traveled to see my best friend, and it ended really bad.
Originally we were thinking of a different travel, but because I haven't seen her in years and talked about visiting her for so long I felt like I should visit her first. She only had a day off but we extended our trip anyways and went to 3 different countries in one trip. We were supposed to see her first (she said she would get time off), but then after she didn't have time off, we rearranged our trip which not only cost us more money but also added several days of travel time.. But we did it so that we could spend one day with her.
We took the earliest ferry to meet her for lunch, which meant we had to wake up at 6am, and go straight to lunch when we arrived. While at lunch she talked about all the things she had planned for us, she wanted to show us everything, I told her that I was way to exhausted from all the traveling and had barely slept, so I needed a nap. She also said that she was going to call in sick to work the next day, so I then thought that meant we would have 2 days together instead of one, so we wouldn't need to stress. We agreed to meet at 4pm, and she came to our hotel, while I got ready we had two bottles of champagne, some shots and drinks. From my perspective we had fun, and I'm a quality time kinda person, I care about spending time with people not WHAT we do.
When we left the hotel, we were all pretty tipsy (some drunk), and she tried to give us a tour and got a bit angry when we didn't pay too much attention to everything, I honestly thought she was joking around, because in my mind it was pretty clear that we weren't going to go for a tour of her city at that time.
I was hungry (we hadn't eaten since lunch at 10:30, and it was around 7-8pm), and she wanted to go to a bar with cheap alcohol and pizza so we went there.
As I looked at the menu she started "lecturing" me because I was worried about my man being too drunk, and not wanted both of us to be wasted in a new country, so I told him that if he was drinking more I would slow down, or he would need to slow down. I was a bit annoyed but mostly because she kept interfering and talking against me, telling me to let go of control and relax on top of other things.
She kept asking why I feel like that knowing that I have a lot of trauma and a lot of trauma involving alcohol, it wasn't something I felt like talking about in that moment, so I kept looking at the menu - talking about what to eat while she kept trying to talk about serious things, and what felt like attacking me. She started pointing out that I was off my meds and I have issues, that I need to work on it and stop worrying, that I'm safe and need to relax, that I need to enjoy the moment, just a bunch of poking at my emotions it felt like. I was off my meds because I forgot my meds at home when we left for the trip so I was extra sensitive and a bit anxious... I kept trying to avoid the conversation because I felt so uncomfortable, and she kept speaking louder and yelling, telling me to look at her, and even said "I know you're crying" before I even broke down. Eventually I left the table and went to the restroom to get a break, where I then started tearing up. I texted my sister who called me to ask what's wrong. After a while she came to the restroom and I told her straight out that she made me cry and that she's being really mean. She kept telling me to trust her, that SHE will tell me if we get out of control drunk, and to trust her. After we sat down I ordered food and a mojito.
I tried to have fun, but she brought things back up again. I got more annoyed and it turned into me getting annoyed with my man for being too drunk, but calmed down again and tried to just ignore my own intuition and "have fun". Around midnight I was done and ready to leave. I told her she could stay at our hotel, and said that we could grab some food and go home to sleep. She then said "if y'all go to sleep I'll never speak to you again!" which I ignored. AFTER I said I wanted to leave, she ordered another beer. She sat down and said that she's going to drink her beer cause she paid for it, so we waited for her to drink her beer. When I said let's go she asked if I was seriously going to sleep, I said yes. She then got angry, and I said that they can do what they want, but I was tired and had a headache and just wanted to go to sleep. When we came outside she started asking again if I was serious in a very aggressive tone, so I ignored it at first cause I had already said it twice. She then screamed why she stayed out so long "FOR YOU TWO" which made me feel like shit, cause we traveled all that way, and she was making a big deal about staying out late to spend time with us? She started screaming at me to fuck off, and that she would never speak to me again and "fuck you both". my husband came out mids screaming and asked what was happening, she then screamed at him to fuck off, and he asked what was happening, she continued to scream at us both to fuck off while she walked away so he screamed back "no fuck you" and that she's not allowed to talk to me like that.
We left and she sent me several mean messages, she also tried to call me which I didn't see until we got back to the hotel so I tried to call her back, she ignored and kept sending messages. I told her I had no idea what made her go off like that. She blocked me, and next morning added me back.
I expected an apology, instead I got a new message two days later about how I disappointed her, how disrespectful I was and that she was yelled at... I later replied saying how I felt, and that she was the one yelling and disrespecting me, which did not end well at all.
After arguing a bit, I'm basically left with a feeling that she's had a lot of resentment for me for whatever reason for years, and it feels like she's trying her hardest to find a new thing to be mad about so that she don't need to apologize for how she acted.
I thought about saying sorry for messing up her plans and just try to solve it, but then I reread the messages and I'm just not sure there's anything to solve. I don't wanna lose a good friend, but good friends are not supposed to gather up ammunition and then use it against you either, so I'm just lost.
I could've brought up so much against her as well, but I won't because it's in the past and when I decided to move on from it that's where I left it.
She also said she's felt blindsided by me "ever since I left her for Miami", which is hella confusing cause I never left her when we were in Miami, actually she left me and I even reported her missing + she ditched half our trip which I then went on alone... On top of that that was in 2019...
I've had several people tell me I should just block her and move on cause she's jealous and toxic, but she's been my best friend for 10 years and I don't want to just "give up" on her either.
Heeeelp!
