how do i be more likeable?

i come with the full package; i am a very shy and introverted person, but i also have a hard time expressing my thoughts and i end up stuttering. it takes me too long to think of words to fit my sentences, so my friends mostly end up talking over me most of the time. i do everything to be a good friend; listen to their troubles, respect their boundaries.... i just don't get why i tend to end up as the "left out friend", speaking from experience. in most friend group situations, i am the one left out and made fun of. i think it has to do something with myself and my likeability. do i have to be funny? what will it take?

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hartfire

Stuttering can be overcome.
Speech therapists can help a lot.
But I would expect there'd also be free advice from specialists on line.

Being introverted usually means one feels tired after spending time with people and needs time alone to recharge.
Introverts usually like to have one (maybe 2, 3 or 4) very close friends,
and prefer depth and quality in conversation.
They tend not to enjoy small talk much - which is what most people engage in when they're chatting.

That said, our world is suffering from a pandemic of poor conversationalists - mostly due to Twitter and social media.
We do have a culture where far too many people think it's okay to talk over the top of others - too few people know how to really listen.
And many are too self absorbed to take an interest in others.
It's possible that your ending up feeling left out is perhaps their fault rather than yours.
You could try occasionally interrupting - perhaps when someone has been holding the floor for 10 mins or more. Maybe try saying something like, "can I interrupt? I'd really like to feel part of a two way conversation."

There's a book by Edward de Bono called "How to Have a Beautiful Mind."
It gives guidance on how to become an interesting conversationalist.

collin · M

@hartfire this is really detailed and helpful, i appreciate it!

assemblingaknob · 26-30, F

@hartfire wow. thank you. <3

hartfire

@assemblingaknob It's a pleasure - you're welcome. :)

ButterRobot · 51-55, M

You seem like a sensitive soul and (I’m guessing) wanting to fit in and be like everyone else. You also come across as a nice person.

Unfortunately, feeling a bit isolated is often the penalty you pay for being a nice and sensitive soul… it’s just life. However would you really want to change and be no-so-nice to fit in ? I doubt it.

collin · M

@ButterRobot that's an interesting point of view. you might be right, however, i would like to bond with my friends more easily, or just seem friendlier, because i am VERY if not extremely awkward

originnone · 61-69, M

You sound like a great friend. You may want to look up the book "How to win friends and influence people." Maybe don't read the book but look at the chapter summaries.

collin · M

@originnone thank you, i appreciate the recommendation

justanothername · 51-55, M

@collin The book was done is part of the Dale Carnegie course in human relationships. It’s a good course.

SoulKey

Relatable. Though you can gain social skills and improve with time.

collin · M

@SoulKey i hope so, but who doesn't want to speed up the process?

TxOutlawTyler · M

@collin answering messages

Carissimi · F

I think you answered your own question in your first two or three sentences.

collin · M

@Carissimi i don't think i understand?

TxOutlawTyler · M

Start being nicer!

Nihiless

The key is confidence and not caring about people think. Only problem is you have to experience a lot of heartache in order to achieve it, thus becoming desensitized.

collin · M

@Nihiless oof. that's a tough path, lol

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