I'm currently writing and producing a product ad and I need some funny/strange lines.

So the commercial will have a sunset-to-space background with the product framed in the center. The product has a very minimalist label so you won't be able to tell what it is just by looking at it, or watching the ad. Two employees of the company will be dressed as hippies in dashikis, long-haired wigs and fake beards. They will be sitting in a meditative pose while we get 360 shots in front of a green screen so that the hippies will be spinning when imposed onto the background on the upper right hand side and lower left hand side of the product. They will be semi-transparent and sparkling. The commercial itself will have an 80's VHS effects vibe. The narrator will just occasionally whisper "Enlightened" (The name of the company) The hippies will eventually one by one spin to face the front and give "out there" testimonials. To give you an idea as to what I'm looking for, the first hippie's testimonial will be "I meditated so hard that I astral projected-in my pants. Thanks Enlightened." What I need is some good, funny, out there testimonials along the same lines as the example I have given. Thank you.