I Need Advice
I need someone that can relate to. Being abandoned by your own parents hurts so bad. I'm motherless because my mother abandoned us when I was 8. I'm 17 going on 18.
22-25, F
ANewCovenant · 56-60, M
I am sure that it has traumatized you to a degree, and I am so sorry that you have experienced that. There's every chance that you feel responsible in some way, feel defective in some way.....don't embrace those ideas. It's a good bet that mom had some real issues of her own and reacted irresponsibly because of them.
The only way to heal my friend, is to do something VERY hard, and that's to forgive her in your heart. Your forgiving her is not letting her off the hook, but rather, it's allowing you to let go of her still hurting you even today. It's the only way to move forward, otherwise her act will hound you in all kinds of varying ways from bitterness, mistrust, self loathing, and all kinds of issues that you could end up projecting onto others in your life.
Your young. Get a grip on this now before you let this settle into your heart, that it shapes you for the rest of your life.
The only way to heal my friend, is to do something VERY hard, and that's to forgive her in your heart. Your forgiving her is not letting her off the hook, but rather, it's allowing you to let go of her still hurting you even today. It's the only way to move forward, otherwise her act will hound you in all kinds of varying ways from bitterness, mistrust, self loathing, and all kinds of issues that you could end up projecting onto others in your life.
Your young. Get a grip on this now before you let this settle into your heart, that it shapes you for the rest of your life.
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SomeMichGuy · M
@MotherlessDaughter01 I bet it is too embarrassing and hurtful to HER to want to be confronted with her most monumental failure...
Women are supposed to be natural nuturers, to want children, etc. She apparently failed mightily at this. You are the embodiment of her failure.
I think that is WHY she is eternally "unavailable". If so, then trying to forgive her *and let her know* might well be the only way to ever have...ANY relationship with her.
Women are supposed to be natural nuturers, to want children, etc. She apparently failed mightily at this. You are the embodiment of her failure.
I think that is WHY she is eternally "unavailable". If so, then trying to forgive her *and let her know* might well be the only way to ever have...ANY relationship with her.
SomeMichGuy · M
@MotherlessDaughter01
Ok, everyone would love to have all of their relationships be amazing, but, since they involve real human beings, even human relationships which seem fantastic relationships are not always fantastic.
Your mother has been a flop thus far.
However, many people have surrogates in their lives who take the place of a missing/absent/messed-up other person, esp. dads & moms, etc.
My grandparents were either gone or no real prizes. As a child, an older widow from whom my parents had rented a house was my surrogate grandmother, and she was far warmer than my sole surviving grandmother was ever capable of being.
Perhaps there are people in your own life who are trying to help you but whom you have been pushing away or not open to them being surrogate moms...? A good friend's mom might well be someone to at least talk with, confide some things to, etc.
Are there candidates in your own life?
I can't stop being jealous of my friends loving mothers which I'll NEVER EVER HAVE!
Ok, everyone would love to have all of their relationships be amazing, but, since they involve real human beings, even human relationships which seem fantastic relationships are not always fantastic.
Your mother has been a flop thus far.
However, many people have surrogates in their lives who take the place of a missing/absent/messed-up other person, esp. dads & moms, etc.
My grandparents were either gone or no real prizes. As a child, an older widow from whom my parents had rented a house was my surrogate grandmother, and she was far warmer than my sole surviving grandmother was ever capable of being.
Perhaps there are people in your own life who are trying to help you but whom you have been pushing away or not open to them being surrogate moms...? A good friend's mom might well be someone to at least talk with, confide some things to, etc.
Are there candidates in your own life?
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SomeMichGuy · M
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dale74 · M
My father left when I was an infant he never lived more than an hour away he never called never came to visit never did anything when he passed away I was contacted by the police because supposedly I was the only provable relative I went to his place went through a lot of his possessions trying to find something that would answer the question of why why he left while he was never a part of my life why
rckt148 · 61-69, M
My Mom was a cheater ,Dad worked at night
We had a sitter but she got my 18 month old brother burned so bad he spent 2 months in a Nic Unit
So at 7 I was left to raise myself and 2 brothers
It was the same as having no parents except Dad paid the bills and Mom did shop and keep food in the house ,
but other then that ,I raised myself
We had a sitter but she got my 18 month old brother burned so bad he spent 2 months in a Nic Unit
So at 7 I was left to raise myself and 2 brothers
It was the same as having no parents except Dad paid the bills and Mom did shop and keep food in the house ,
but other then that ,I raised myself
SomeMichGuy · M
@rckt148
I'm sorry, but many times things may not kill you outright, but weaken you for something else to kill you.
Why do so many vets commit suicide? Because the trauma of their service haunts them in such a painfully personal way.
How about HIV?
How about going through a successful surgery which fixed a condition, only to die of a post-op complication a short time later?
...and on and on and on.
Sorry, but some sayings don't hold water when tested thoroughly.
what don't kill you makes you stronger
I'm sorry, but many times things may not kill you outright, but weaken you for something else to kill you.
Why do so many vets commit suicide? Because the trauma of their service haunts them in such a painfully personal way.
How about HIV?
How about going through a successful surgery which fixed a condition, only to die of a post-op complication a short time later?
...and on and on and on.
Sorry, but some sayings don't hold water when tested thoroughly.
rckt148 · 61-69, M
@MotherlessDaughter01 I would come home from working on engines that run 180 degrees all day ,Locomotives
crank my 600 watt stereo wide open ,pop a top and fire up a joint
I only smoked the best weed you could get and a case of beer was just to get primed when friends showed up
I know now that had to have been hell for her
She couldn't even hear a TV over that ,I was in my den ,she was where ever with our girls ,,it was a daily party at my home ,,I was trying to make up for never getting to be a kid ,
My wife got tired of it
But she left me for a man who pretended to be a Christian but after she married him she found out he was one of the biggest pot growers in Northern Florida ,,His weed was actually famous ,,it was known as "Gainsville Green " you could buy it in a can with a label that said that
He was also the only suspect in her Dads murder
He was his partner ,,she nor I knew any of that at the time
I was so broken over her taking my kids ,,I went to where she lived and kidnapped her and brought her and my kids home ,,after a month (I did not hold her by force ,I just wouldn't let her take our kids again ) she could go when she wanted to ,but my family is part of the law where I come from
She was not getting out of town with our kids again unless I said she could
I hated to see we were broken beyond repair ,so I told her she could take the kids
She got a quick divorce ,married her second husband and they moved ,hiding my kids from me for 12 yrs
I found her in 1995 in June ,,Nov 5th I won full custody of me 2 youngest ,the oldest had already turned 18
crank my 600 watt stereo wide open ,pop a top and fire up a joint
I only smoked the best weed you could get and a case of beer was just to get primed when friends showed up
I know now that had to have been hell for her
She couldn't even hear a TV over that ,I was in my den ,she was where ever with our girls ,,it was a daily party at my home ,,I was trying to make up for never getting to be a kid ,
My wife got tired of it
But she left me for a man who pretended to be a Christian but after she married him she found out he was one of the biggest pot growers in Northern Florida ,,His weed was actually famous ,,it was known as "Gainsville Green " you could buy it in a can with a label that said that
He was also the only suspect in her Dads murder
He was his partner ,,she nor I knew any of that at the time
I was so broken over her taking my kids ,,I went to where she lived and kidnapped her and brought her and my kids home ,,after a month (I did not hold her by force ,I just wouldn't let her take our kids again ) she could go when she wanted to ,but my family is part of the law where I come from
She was not getting out of town with our kids again unless I said she could
I hated to see we were broken beyond repair ,so I told her she could take the kids
She got a quick divorce ,married her second husband and they moved ,hiding my kids from me for 12 yrs
I found her in 1995 in June ,,Nov 5th I won full custody of me 2 youngest ,the oldest had already turned 18
rckt148 · 61-69, M
@SomeMichGuy my friend I will say its a saying I relate with ,,I don't have HIV ,but the rest of your examples fit me too
this is one page of a very long story
Having my face reconstructed ,dying 3 times on an operating table while they removed part of my spine and I may yet die of cancer is all part of it
My struggles have enabled me to help countless others
maybe this story can help someone ,,its the only reason I told it ,,,I am over it now ,,my trials and pain made a better man of me ,,and I am a Vet who was tired of how the VA treats us and come close to taking that route a few times myself ,my brother did
Let me rephrase it then ,,my struggles made me stronger
I have come this far ,why quit now
this is one page of a very long story
Having my face reconstructed ,dying 3 times on an operating table while they removed part of my spine and I may yet die of cancer is all part of it
My struggles have enabled me to help countless others
maybe this story can help someone ,,its the only reason I told it ,,,I am over it now ,,my trials and pain made a better man of me ,,and I am a Vet who was tired of how the VA treats us and come close to taking that route a few times myself ,my brother did
Let me rephrase it then ,,my struggles made me stronger
I have come this far ,why quit now
TeirdalinFirefall · 31-35, M
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