I Need Advice
I need someone that can relate to. Being abandoned by your own parents hurts so bad. I'm motherless because my mother abandoned us when I was 8. I'm 17 going on 18.
22-25, F
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ANewCovenant · 56-60, M
I am sure that it has traumatized you to a degree, and I am so sorry that you have experienced that. There's every chance that you feel responsible in some way, feel defective in some way.....don't embrace those ideas. It's a good bet that mom had some real issues of her own and reacted irresponsibly because of them.
The only way to heal my friend, is to do something VERY hard, and that's to forgive her in your heart. Your forgiving her is not letting her off the hook, but rather, it's allowing you to let go of her still hurting you even today. It's the only way to move forward, otherwise her act will hound you in all kinds of varying ways from bitterness, mistrust, self loathing, and all kinds of issues that you could end up projecting onto others in your life.
Your young. Get a grip on this now before you let this settle into your heart, that it shapes you for the rest of your life.
The only way to heal my friend, is to do something VERY hard, and that's to forgive her in your heart. Your forgiving her is not letting her off the hook, but rather, it's allowing you to let go of her still hurting you even today. It's the only way to move forward, otherwise her act will hound you in all kinds of varying ways from bitterness, mistrust, self loathing, and all kinds of issues that you could end up projecting onto others in your life.
Your young. Get a grip on this now before you let this settle into your heart, that it shapes you for the rest of your life.
rckt148 · 61-69, M
@ANewCovenant very good advice
Wish someone had told me that before I wrecked 2 marriages
still crying about my childhood ,
I only share my story to share I have been there
Your advice if how I learned to stop wrecking my life
I forgave all the people who had hurt me ,
Getting that is one of the most liberating things we can learn
Wish someone had told me that before I wrecked 2 marriages
still crying about my childhood ,
I only share my story to share I have been there
Your advice if how I learned to stop wrecking my life
I forgave all the people who had hurt me ,
Getting that is one of the most liberating things we can learn
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rckt148 · 61-69, M
@MotherlessDaughter01 No one understands? did you read my post to you ?
ANewCovenant · 56-60, M
@MotherlessDaughter01 I know my dear friend. What I was saying wasn't meant to be a wave of the hand and get over it. Your heart is hurting. Forgiveness can take a long while to become complete in a person's heart. But I'm thinking of you here, because we have to have you taken care of moving forward. Your pain is unique to you, yes. And of course it's driven deeper by your teenage experiences without her.....Life is so hard, and so unfair.
Can I ask you if you know where she is and if you are able to contact her?
Can I ask you if you know where she is and if you are able to contact her?
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rckt148 · 61-69, M
@MotherlessDaughter01 I never had a childhood
So I gave my kids a good one ,,after I got them back
Be a better parent yourself someday ,,
I tried reliving my childhood with expensive toys
Wives want men ,,not over grown kids that have to work all the time to pay for their toys
Loosing everything for the 3rd time
Starting over from scratch was the best thing ever happened to me
And I am not even going to tell you about having part of my spine removed on my 30th birthday
Dear life is not fair ,,but there are kids who have had it worse ,,we are the survivors
So I gave my kids a good one ,,after I got them back
Be a better parent yourself someday ,,
I tried reliving my childhood with expensive toys
Wives want men ,,not over grown kids that have to work all the time to pay for their toys
Loosing everything for the 3rd time
Starting over from scratch was the best thing ever happened to me
And I am not even going to tell you about having part of my spine removed on my 30th birthday
Dear life is not fair ,,but there are kids who have had it worse ,,we are the survivors
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SomeMichGuy · M
@MotherlessDaughter01 I bet it is too embarrassing and hurtful to HER to want to be confronted with her most monumental failure...
Women are supposed to be natural nuturers, to want children, etc. She apparently failed mightily at this. You are the embodiment of her failure.
I think that is WHY she is eternally "unavailable". If so, then trying to forgive her *and let her know* might well be the only way to ever have...ANY relationship with her.
Women are supposed to be natural nuturers, to want children, etc. She apparently failed mightily at this. You are the embodiment of her failure.
I think that is WHY she is eternally "unavailable". If so, then trying to forgive her *and let her know* might well be the only way to ever have...ANY relationship with her.
SomeMichGuy · M
@MotherlessDaughter01
Ok, everyone would love to have all of their relationships be amazing, but, since they involve real human beings, even human relationships which seem fantastic relationships are not always fantastic.
Your mother has been a flop thus far.
However, many people have surrogates in their lives who take the place of a missing/absent/messed-up other person, esp. dads & moms, etc.
My grandparents were either gone or no real prizes. As a child, an older widow from whom my parents had rented a house was my surrogate grandmother, and she was far warmer than my sole surviving grandmother was ever capable of being.
Perhaps there are people in your own life who are trying to help you but whom you have been pushing away or not open to them being surrogate moms...? A good friend's mom might well be someone to at least talk with, confide some things to, etc.
Are there candidates in your own life?
I can't stop being jealous of my friends loving mothers which I'll NEVER EVER HAVE!
Ok, everyone would love to have all of their relationships be amazing, but, since they involve real human beings, even human relationships which seem fantastic relationships are not always fantastic.
Your mother has been a flop thus far.
However, many people have surrogates in their lives who take the place of a missing/absent/messed-up other person, esp. dads & moms, etc.
My grandparents were either gone or no real prizes. As a child, an older widow from whom my parents had rented a house was my surrogate grandmother, and she was far warmer than my sole surviving grandmother was ever capable of being.
Perhaps there are people in your own life who are trying to help you but whom you have been pushing away or not open to them being surrogate moms...? A good friend's mom might well be someone to at least talk with, confide some things to, etc.
Are there candidates in your own life?
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