@Starry - I'm not offering pity, or telling you to deal with your crap - what I'm saying is that you need to have what appears to be serious depression dealt with so that you are stronger to make the decisions about your life that you need, or want, to make. For ME, I need my meds to help me deal with MY crap. I just hate seeing someone hurting like you are. Take care. I won't bother you again.