If every day I self-mutilate, I wouldn't have to worry about being a human, and in not worrying about being a human, I wouldn't have to concentrate on the wasted Life I'm living.
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@Starry - then please find a health professional. I cannot diagnose clinical depression for you, but this sure sounds like it. If so, there are medications that can make us better able to cope with the crap that life can throw at us all. I'm happy to listen if you want/need to rant.
