I Hate Myself

Grief I think. Kind of. Or disillusionment. Emptiness. I want to hurt myself @KingNewb

@MayaHope I can understand that, to an extent. I say to an extent as I don't know what you're grieving over, however I can definitely empathize with being disillusioned and empty. I've suffered from disillusionment issues for about 15 years now. Hurting yourself is not the answer, even if it feels like a temporary relief, I can assure you that it's not. If you ever need someone to vent to or need any advice, I'm all ears and I'll always try to give the best advice possible.

I just feel like I need a physical release @KingNewb

@MayaHope I'm still certain there are better ways for a release other than self-harm. Try screaming as loud as you can for as long as you can to let pent up frustrations out or use a workout routine to burn off all the negative energy surrounding you.

Well I thought about not eating all day, slapping my face hard or masturbating @KingNewb

@MayaHope Slapping your face isn't the right answer. Masturbation could work, depending on how much pleasure you receive from it. I would've mentioned masturbation before, I just wasn't sure how comfortable you were speaking about sexual topics lol.

Well like I say I’m having a crazy day @KingNewb

@MayaHope That's true, you did say that. I just want your honest reassurance that you'll do everything within your power to not harm yourself.

I’m not sure why it matters. I mean some people are adrenaline junkies, who get kicks from risks, sone people drink or smoke or have risky sex. It’s all self harm. I mean slapping myself is much more reasonable I think...@KingNewb

@MayaHope It matters because I've been in that position before. I've wanted to harm myself and even take my own life at times. If it weren't for compassion, I wouldn't be here today. If I can make even one person's life a little better or at least stop them from harming themselves, then I've done my job. You're right people do harm themselves, but I also realize that I can't save everyone, no one can. Regardless of the method of self harm, I still don't like to see it happen no matter who's on the receiving end. It matters because I care and I've been there before.

Thanks for caring. I am trying. @KingNewb

@MayaHope You're welcome. Sometimes that's all you can do, take things day by day or even hour by hour, get through it and move onto the next. It may be a bit cliche, but every storm runs out of rain eventually.

I know 😓@KingNewb

@MayaHope Other than the crazy madness, what are you up to currently?

Trying to write a report @KingNewb

@MayaHope What kind of report?

Work @KingNewb

@MayaHope Ah, okay. I'll let you go then, don't wanna distract you too much lol.

It’s my own fault for seeking distraction! @KingNewb

@MayaHope Hm.... so you want to be distracted then?

I don’t know what I want @KingNewb

@MayaHope Sounds like me a lot of the time. 😓

And what do you want? @KingNewb

@MayaHope If I have to answer honestly, there's quite a list.

I’m intrigued @KingNewb