When do you feel the most alone?

When someone I love says something that is negative about me in the slightest way. Can even be a joke. A joke that is a number 1 on the burn register, whereas I would normally go for like 3rd degree burns in my jokes about others. Sometimes when one of these people I love says something disparaging or derogatory about me it’s like they’ve ripped out my heart and given it to a dog to eat. And I’m still talking to them but I’m watching this dog eat my heart. In that moment, I wish I were dead. Love doesn’t exist in the world. There’s only this all consuming darkness that stretches endlessly. and I’m as scared as I was as a child lying on the floor of my bedroom, having fell out of the top bunk of our bunkbeds in the middle of the night, screaming for my parents in the pitch black darkness of our room, but no-body is coming.