dangg my ex called me
it's been like.. i don't even know. a year and a half? two years even? he left a message thanking me for being a positive influence on his life. he said that he saves bees now and he doesn't step on ants. he said he's a happy camper now, and i've taught him how to be, and he's doing good and he hopes i'm doing good
everyone in my life i've loved i will always love. and i still think about him sometimes and wonder how he is. and i'm grateful he left a message saying he's well c:
part of me wants to shoot a text and just say that i'm good and i'm glad he's good and has grown into a happier person. he was the first person i've dated who made me realize what it feels like to love and be loved in a relationship.
but before we met and as we were dating he had terrible anger issues. he was insecure and it caused arguments and him talking at or yelling at me for hourrrrrs. like, uninterrupted, no input for me, hours he talked at me. and if we fought it was just circles of arguing until i'm crying and apologizing for doing things i didn't do or thinking things i didn't think just to make it end. we fought for eight hours on my birthday because i couldn't accept his gift. a couple weeks later we break up after an awful fight sparked by mario kart
a year later i accidentally open my door to him at the apartment and we end up chatting and trying to be friends. i move states. it went as well as the relationship, fights every week maybe. then on my birthday i said i missed my mama, and it somehow turned into a whole yellfest where he said he's sad i'm going to go to hell.
i think we kept talking for another month but after another fight it was over for real and we haven't talked since despite him reaching out a few times. the fights in our relationship, in friendship, has rewired my brain in the worst way. ways i'm trying to undo. i don't like this defensive person it turned me into
writing this all out, reliving the arguments and their length and regularity and what he's said to me, helps me remember why it's best to not reach out to him. i still love him, in the way i love my ex bestie, or my friends from childhood. and i'm glad he's moved past his mr grumpy pants ways for himself and his son and any future relationships he might have
ultimately i'm so so so excited for him that he's so much happier. i'm proud of myself that i could be such a positive influence on someones life and help them become a more optimistic person
i just wish he didn't have to treat me the way he did to find himself. i wish those changes happened in our relationship and not after i left. but maybe in a different lifetime things would have been different c:
everyone in my life i've loved i will always love. and i still think about him sometimes and wonder how he is. and i'm grateful he left a message saying he's well c:
part of me wants to shoot a text and just say that i'm good and i'm glad he's good and has grown into a happier person. he was the first person i've dated who made me realize what it feels like to love and be loved in a relationship.
but before we met and as we were dating he had terrible anger issues. he was insecure and it caused arguments and him talking at or yelling at me for hourrrrrs. like, uninterrupted, no input for me, hours he talked at me. and if we fought it was just circles of arguing until i'm crying and apologizing for doing things i didn't do or thinking things i didn't think just to make it end. we fought for eight hours on my birthday because i couldn't accept his gift. a couple weeks later we break up after an awful fight sparked by mario kart
a year later i accidentally open my door to him at the apartment and we end up chatting and trying to be friends. i move states. it went as well as the relationship, fights every week maybe. then on my birthday i said i missed my mama, and it somehow turned into a whole yellfest where he said he's sad i'm going to go to hell.
i think we kept talking for another month but after another fight it was over for real and we haven't talked since despite him reaching out a few times. the fights in our relationship, in friendship, has rewired my brain in the worst way. ways i'm trying to undo. i don't like this defensive person it turned me into
writing this all out, reliving the arguments and their length and regularity and what he's said to me, helps me remember why it's best to not reach out to him. i still love him, in the way i love my ex bestie, or my friends from childhood. and i'm glad he's moved past his mr grumpy pants ways for himself and his son and any future relationships he might have
ultimately i'm so so so excited for him that he's so much happier. i'm proud of myself that i could be such a positive influence on someones life and help them become a more optimistic person
i just wish he didn't have to treat me the way he did to find himself. i wish those changes happened in our relationship and not after i left. but maybe in a different lifetime things would have been different c:
