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Have you or a partner ever been made redundant? And how did you navigate it?

My partner has been made redundant. Initially I tried to stay positive to get him focused to start accepting things and looking for other work. Meanwhile his solicitors fought his case for the redundancy package.
It was a shock to us both we just got back from holiday and found out that we're pregnant.

Life that was on a high came crashing down. (at least for me) he reassures me he's fine as he's still employed until it's settled.

He's making use of his time off, playing computer games, baking and catching up with old friends.

But in the month I've noticed his morale and self discipline go out the window.

He's gained weight, has lost some confidence and just seems very unsure.

I'm doing my best to remain positive but with everything else going on inside me, I'm worried that I may say the wrong thing.

I love him and care for him but all of this is completely new to us.

Any advice or words of comfort would really help right now.

Thank you for reading.
Just a couple? I've seen what happens to a entire region when they are suddenly ruled redundant by a president:


The United States Steel Industry went into a talespin shortly after my stepfather left the airforce and took us home with him to the Ohio Valley. We were often ranked in the top 50 US communities to live in the United States, a democratic union stronghold, and then suddenly the town's population was halved, and while that happened drugs came in. All the kids at my bus stop except me ended up in jail, and eventually every kid in the neighborhood except one other had a felony. My best friend in elementry school broke into a party and broke a bottle and cut a guy's eye out in middle school. If I see anyguy I grew up with walking around, I avoid them, bad people.

The wives all had a split personality. They'd be loving wives to their husbands when confronting politicians and the media and top execa, but you'ld see the same women flip out on their unemployed husbands screaming they were losers. These women turned to drugs. They got divorced. They caused the divorces in EVERY case. The ones who immediately moved away may of faired better, I don't know. But if you stuck around, your woman's angst and hatred at their sudden loss of lifestyle would turn and ruin the relationship. Thing is none of these women were starving, or really poor by real third world standards, it was all up in their heads. Had they been better women, they could of made it work out. Women by instinct are driven to ruin their families lives at the sign of financial hardship. Their sons all ended up in jail.

White flight then took root, alot of black people from Baltimore moved in. There were after a while a sort of low throttle race war, never any big event, just black baltimore racists vs local white racists fighting and running from one another. Chicago gangs moved in to sell drugs and weapons in the area. I almost got shot once.

When the sisters of all the jailed white guys grew up, the attractive ones immediately left, and the ugly or fat ones stayed. They all coupled with the blacks, and all have addictions. The ones who didn't seemed to of drifted away or died of overdoses, or haven't completed their prison sentences yet.

The ability of a family unit to survive depends greatly on the sanity of a woman, and the vast majority of women are not up to task. Their will blame everyone, and especially their husbands in the end. Their children will suffer for it, and no doubt that poverty and torment is carried multiple generations.

My best recommendation is to clamp down on every feminine instinct, don't flip out on him. Help him look for work. Expect him to go into depression if it doesn't immediately work out, and if he leaves for a while to find work don't succumb to your loneliness and Dear John him. A woman must reject her instincts. They are in place in women to get a caveman out of the cave to start looking for game again. Finding a stable job that is able to support a family isn't solved that easily. Women need to be more sophisticated. Very few are. I grew up in that awful, godforsaken aftermath. Men are fairly predictable with their depression phase. It will pass. Don't overdo it on probing him to find something if he feels too helpless in the beginning. He'll come out of it. If he just can't find anything, mortgage or not, I suggest moving.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Dignaga sorry I didn't respond to you initially.
Reading it made me incredibly emotional.

It's heartbreaking to see and more so to live through.
Complete and utter disarray.

I think this is kind of reflected in the UK atm. I always get slated on the Internet for this type of opinion, but the 12 years of the financial crash, recession, austerity, cost of living crisis and inflation alongside gentrification. Has pretty much caused a similar effect on a grander scale.
There are pockets of society in nearly every part of the country some larger than others that are dealing with this shift in mentality/behaviour.
We often accredit social media for the better reporting of crime and the coverage on poverty but actually, you see it every day.

Homelessness is there right on your door step. Alongside the people high on various drugs.

As for my partner. I'm not putting any stress on him at all.
I had high BP initially in my pregnancy so my focus has been and will only be on maintaining my health. In this respect I have to be selfish for the baby.
We don't currently live together, that's the plan once baby arrives, so in the meantime that gives him space to set things up and deal with his emotions and job search. On the days he comes to spend time with me and bump. It's filled with dog walks and a normal living/working routine. I set him mini tasks to help me, that way he can have something to focus on and I can make a positive fuss once I'm back home. I still try and share as many tasks as my body will allow. So when he's doing the evening dog walk, I start dinner.
I wash up mostly as I go like normal so he only has to wash up the dishes we use and glasses.
I never want him to feel put upon. And I don't either. We talk a lot and I do try my hardest to just keep things normal.

My job is supportive (are aware of his redundancy) and I'm working for as long as I can. My working hours means, I finish at 2pm, so out of respect to them and their kindness. I try to make my appointments for after I finish my shifts to ensure the least disruption to the day-we've also had a few leavers and redundancies.
They will give me a year off with staggered pay. That's the agreement due to the current circumstances.

I see he's put on some weight and I also see he has moments of deep thought but I try not to prod too much.
I ask him if he's OK but I try to let him go through it.
I'm not perfect and neither is he. As a family we discuss work and the trials we have endured sometimes, so it allows him the opportunity to reflect.
I reassure him his redundancy although it may feel like it. Isn't anything personal to him.
He has now started to agree that this is the case and it's helping him, I think to establish and maintain a level of positivity, so he is going to interviews.
❤🙏🏾
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
I've been made redundant twice.
Both times after ten years + employment.

If you have no warning that it's coming it can really shake your confidence.

On a practical level, he needs to apply for any benefits he may be entitled to.
Landlords or mortgage holders need to be paid or you run the serious risk of being evicted from your home.

Then fire up his cv.

Make a list of companies and contacts he may have in his field, and see if he can get a job lead that way first.
Then draw up a list of places to send speculative letters accompanied with his cv.
Keep a list of places sent to with companies who respond.
Nothing more annoying for an HR person than to receive countless inquiries from the same person I'd imagine.

Positive routine is the key.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Picklebobble2 thank you so much for this I really appreciate it. I had a hunch when they seconded him and the people above and on a similar level started leaving. I hinted that he should see what's out there in the off chance he sees something better.
He was granted an Inhouse award saying he was most likely to become ceo of the company. Had no disciplinarys nor any bad appraisals. He was apparently reassured his job was secure.

That's hurt him the most I think, he said someone external joined and seemed to be making a mark. But it's the other behaviours he mentioned that didn't sit well incorrectly spelling his name in meetings and agendas even though it would come up automatically on Outlook. Not inviting him to every meeting.
Scheduling meetings and not rearranging or cancelling if he couldn't attend and noting that he wasn't attending (he was on compassionate for a little while too due to a bereavement. Which she knew)

I'm just trying to remain strong.

Because there are so many changes going on.
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
@Mellowgirl Yep. I maintain that company loyalty only works one way.
If you're the wrong employee demographic or you're older than the more enthusiastic, know less about employment law youngsters they can hire at half your salary and pension contributions, chances are they'll try and sideline you towards the door when times are tight and they need to reduce costs.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Picklebobble2 dog eat dog work. And finance is the most cut throat!
FIRST: Congratulations on the pregnancy.

Now let's talk about the job thing. Simply put, now is the time to heavily focus on getting those resumes out there. Do not count on anyone or anything (such as his case) to "just happen." Sit down and list those things (in a job) that are most important to you at this stage of your life, then list the opportunities (jobs) that will fulfill those things on your list.

And do the same for yourself..... Your world is about to drastically change. Adapt and conquer...

In the meantime..... explore those things that can benefit your situation in the short term, such as unemployment benefits and any government programs that may be available to expectant women.
Northwest · M
He's gained weight, has lost some confidence and just seems very unsure.

probably because

playing computer games, baking and catching up with old friends.

I wish you luck, getting into serious skill update/job hunt mode will motivate him, and relief some of the depression. You can think of it as a "reset" and an opportunity to do what he really wants.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Northwest I've sent him job roles similar that I've seen but I also don't want to seem too pushy.

He's mentioned coding. So I'm not entirely sure if that means he'll be doing an unpaid course.

It's a little worrying to me...
Northwest · M
@Mellowgirl You may want to approach gently with this, but he should try to understand what it means to be doing "coding".

I see a lot of resumes from people who think they are "coders". They took paid courses, that gave them an intro to some basic stuff, but they were not "coders".

There are a lot of jobs in the field, that involve project management, or using integrated tools, if he's got the right attitude.
Wizardry · 46-50, M
At first was pretty angry and upset. Was depressed as well.Took me a while to get over it.
Wizardry · 46-50, M
@Mellowgirl it’s pretty hard. Especially being in post covid world. For me been out of work since late 2016
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Wizardry this is really sad to hear.
The only thing I can suggest, when I was unemployed was i signed up to local recruitment agencies through my local council.(UK)
They seemed to be the only ones genuinely interested in finding me work that suited my needs and where I could grow in a company.
Is there anything like that or a job board at your local council?
I also volunteered briefly...
Wizardry · 46-50, M
@Mellowgirl lots of people have lost jobs in New Zealand. Thanks to the current government. Have made cutbacks on different public sectors.
scorpiolovedeep · 51-55, M
Modify / tidy up CV and look for jobs on LinkedIn. Have great references.
Ring consultants.

If cashflow is an issue , part time jobs are advisable.
Talk to him. Communication about every thing is important, have confidence in him and it'll help him have confidence in himself.
AthrillatheHunt · 51-55, M
Redundant ? Solicitors ? Please speak English. Lol

 
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