Poll - Total Votes: 40 See Poll Options
46-50, FNew
RedBaron · M
Is a Monster an alcoholic drink? Maybe he drinks too much.
Sunnyday777 · 46-50, FNew
@RedBaron he doesn’t drink at all
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment
Hokumsrazor · 46-50, M
@Dainbramadge What evidence do you have that this guy is an “alpha”? That he plays video games, guzzles monsters and screams at his wife? 😂😂
He sounds like a bitter total zero. Opposite of an alpha.
He sounds like a bitter total zero. Opposite of an alpha.
Dainbramadge · 56-60, M
@Hokumsrazor I have none. Except her description and a direct comparison to a buddy of mine who is mega alpha who's wife had the same type of complaints about him. I have known them both for over thirty years.
Alpha isn't a statues symbol like most people mistakenly think of it as.
It's a personality trait to be in charge and take care of business.
With my buddy, his wife was his entire world, and still is even tho she divorced him.
He just didn't realize he was bringing his work alpha persona home to her as well.
Think of it like a prison guard. For the most part they can't be soft. They have to be in charge and command respect. That is what the system thrives on.
Well after being alpha 8 to 10 hours a day 5 or 6 days a week it starts to become your dominate personality.
People often say that they leave work at work but it isn't always that easy.
So just because he is being alpha on the video games and not at a prison doesn't change the affect it has on his personal life.
Alpha isn't a statues symbol like most people mistakenly think of it as.
It's a personality trait to be in charge and take care of business.
With my buddy, his wife was his entire world, and still is even tho she divorced him.
He just didn't realize he was bringing his work alpha persona home to her as well.
Think of it like a prison guard. For the most part they can't be soft. They have to be in charge and command respect. That is what the system thrives on.
Well after being alpha 8 to 10 hours a day 5 or 6 days a week it starts to become your dominate personality.
People often say that they leave work at work but it isn't always that easy.
So just because he is being alpha on the video games and not at a prison doesn't change the affect it has on his personal life.
Tumbleweed · F
Oh, love, that makes me miserable just reading it, I can't imagine how it makes you feel living it.
I was with someone like that, always yelling & complaining & tearing things up. After 14 years of that, I left. I couldn't get through to him that he needed help and I was tired of trying to save him.
Of course now he's on meds & seems to be a happier person. But it's too late now because I'm happy with my life and still traumatized by the years of hell he put me through. The love is gone.
So I guess the point of my story is that maybe he needs help as well. I've learned that people only change if THEY want it.
I wish you the best.
I was with someone like that, always yelling & complaining & tearing things up. After 14 years of that, I left. I couldn't get through to him that he needed help and I was tired of trying to save him.
Of course now he's on meds & seems to be a happier person. But it's too late now because I'm happy with my life and still traumatized by the years of hell he put me through. The love is gone.
So I guess the point of my story is that maybe he needs help as well. I've learned that people only change if THEY want it.
I wish you the best.
in10RjFox · M
Looks like your relationship bonding has run down. Both need a separation for a few weeks for love to rejuvenate. Marriage has this problem of one being a burden to the other
The issue is your usage of the term quality time too often. If you had asked him that way you definitely have hurt his ego as he would feel that you don't like being with him at all.
Basically I think you don't know how to approach him or start a conversation casually. It's always small talks that lead to intimacy.
You say he is a driver.. but no mention of him leaving the house on work. Men usually don't like playing board games one on one. It should be always a group activity.
Have you tried texting him instead of speaking to him ? That way he can't yell at you in text
The issue is your usage of the term quality time too often. If you had asked him that way you definitely have hurt his ego as he would feel that you don't like being with him at all.
Basically I think you don't know how to approach him or start a conversation casually. It's always small talks that lead to intimacy.
You say he is a driver.. but no mention of him leaving the house on work. Men usually don't like playing board games one on one. It should be always a group activity.
Have you tried texting him instead of speaking to him ? That way he can't yell at you in text
in10RjFox · M
@Sunnyday777
NO. It's not selfish, just that you have married a grown up child. If sex is your only intimacy, do you feel he is Making love to you with good foreplay and involvement OR you feel that he just uses you as a scoring pad / doll ?
Back to your post headline, I don't think you are even being possessed ? but more like unwanted. Treatment is more like you are a servant.
It's really impossible to deal with such narcissists and it is better to move away, for he knows how to get his way and put you down.
Unless you want to get dominant and treating him as inferior, like giving him orders to do things.
Isn't there a way for you to go for some form of occupation, that reduces your hours at home ?
Our only intimacy is sex which we have often but i just wanted to do something not involving tv- its been only our room/tv for 4 months 7 days a week. do you think that was selfish to want quality time out of our room, seems simple to me.
NO. It's not selfish, just that you have married a grown up child. If sex is your only intimacy, do you feel he is Making love to you with good foreplay and involvement OR you feel that he just uses you as a scoring pad / doll ?
Back to your post headline, I don't think you are even being possessed ? but more like unwanted. Treatment is more like you are a servant.
its been only our room/tv for 4 months 7 days a week
So he doesn't go to work or anything? What's the income source? It's really impossible to deal with such narcissists and it is better to move away, for he knows how to get his way and put you down.
Unless you want to get dominant and treating him as inferior, like giving him orders to do things.
Isn't there a way for you to go for some form of occupation, that reduces your hours at home ?
Sunnyday777 · 46-50, FNew
@in10RjFox yeah he works 5 days a week. I meant our time together is just always facing tv, some face to face quality time would have been nice but im not expressing anything anymore at this point.. i am looking for a job that I can walk to and get out.. yeah its making love but primarily foreplay comes from me but i dont care in that area we are good. But what secures a bond by respectful communication and obviously not damaging your person to feel unwanted, unheard, and no care if he knows im hurt. He added to his annoyance list how first time I asked him to wash his work clothes because after lashing out at me in anger and cruel insults - l was not going to and was hoping he cared how he treated me, and would say something but his expectations was i just take the verbal/ emotional abuse neglect and. Make his food wash his stuff and go sit in front tv- i ruined the day/night in his mind. Feeling unwanted and mentally abused then blamed / neglected it has shut my heart down i dont feel emotionally safe to express myself or any need.
in10RjFox · M
JackJames · M
This is a hard one to judge. The reason I say that is we don’t see him 24/7. It’s not just the way he acts with you, though this doesn’t look good, it’s also the way he talks about you to people when you’re not around.
Sunnyday777 · 46-50, FNew
@JackJames i dont think he does he stays to himself - sometimes i have in the past snapped after taking his mentally abuse so long and I started fighting back physically by body slamming him, pushing him and he did it back to me. I stopped and try to isolate or just say how that makes me feel but my feelings stopped mattering to him or he would not neglect and treat them as invisible or just bs. But i did over hear him telling his mom i abused him, but he never told her how much and long he would mentally abuse me spitting all over my face while yelling cruel things. In a conflict or confrontation or anything against his idea results in rage and anger not a calm discusión he doesnt wanna hear anything but his own voice sadly- it is his only flaw but it is one that will break us if it continues
YoMomma ·
Save yourself and your daughter and get away from him asap .. his attitude is totally unacceptable and rude and disrespectful and he will only get worse as time continues.. my husband is at that point too where all he does is watch his shows on tv and i hate it.. (not to mention how much money he spends on it and all his extra sports channels which i don't even care for) and he throws nasty fits and demeans me as well.. he wasn't always this bad before tho like he has latterly threatened to kill me and has shot at me tho he claimed it was an accident.. if your spouse is already a hostile jerks and you have hardly been married even a year i think you should get out asap and sabe yourself and your daughter from a toxic environment (i presume it's not his daughter?) i can only imagine his behavior getting uglier and uglier because of his total immaturity and disrespect and selfishness i'd leave my own shit husband but unfortunately i feel responsible for him and our two dogs which he is too disabled anymore to care for himself due to his ill health which is also partly his fault for refusing to eat healthier which is also annoying to me because i can never fix what i like because he hates everything but what he likes which is usually horribly unhealthy
Perhaps it's madness to stay with such a person idk 😳
Perhaps it's madness to stay with such a person idk 😳
It's been less than a year. Get out now. This is something that usually builds up after time, this kind of abuse. When I began reading this, I thought you were probably young in your 20s, maybe. Your daughter should not witness this. Was he like this before you got married? How long were you together before, and were there any signs of this kind of behavior then?
Dainbramadge · 56-60, M
@PepsiColaP When you love someone you respect them, you do not go out of your way to hurt them. When love is lost this changes, and everything becomes annoying. Once he gets used to hurting her, he stops caring. Its like when kids grow up in the family home and start disrespecting their parents, eventually they are kicked out. The parents still love them, but the kids think differently.
@JamesBugman you can treat others with the least decency without having to love them or respect them
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment
Cantsayno · 56-60, M
I’m sorry, this guy sounds like a real winner. If he is the same age as you. He should have a car and not playing video games.
Be with someone that makes you the priority.
Be with someone that makes you the priority.
Jenny1234 · 56-60, F
Honey stand up for yourself
SinlessOnslaught · M
Sunnyday777 · 46-50, FNew
@Renkon he always made time for me, communicated if there was a problem, talked respectful, affectionate like me, love, and to have same sex partner and we have sex daily but that don’t keep a marriage going strong
Renkon · M
@Sunnyday777 It’s natural — sometimes after marriage, people start taking each other for granted. Before marriage, he put in the effort to make you feel special, but now he may feel he no longer needs to. He’s become comfortable enough to stop hiding his flaws.
My gentle suggestion would be to take a little time for yourself. Maybe stay with your parents or close friends for a couple of weeks. Give yourself some space and, at the same time, give him the chance to truly feel your absence and reflect on what you mean to him.
If, after this time apart, things don’t improve, it’s important to think deeply about your own happiness and well-being. You deserve to be cherished, and sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to make a decision that puts your peace first.
Take care of your heart — it’s precious.
My gentle suggestion would be to take a little time for yourself. Maybe stay with your parents or close friends for a couple of weeks. Give yourself some space and, at the same time, give him the chance to truly feel your absence and reflect on what you mean to him.
If, after this time apart, things don’t improve, it’s important to think deeply about your own happiness and well-being. You deserve to be cherished, and sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to make a decision that puts your peace first.
Take care of your heart — it’s precious.
WandererTony · 56-60, M
Get counselling or move on.
Dont take it lying down.
Dont take it lying down.
Sounds like it might be his "time of the month".... 🤔
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment
zonavar68 · 56-60, M
You are not his property
luckranger71 · 51-55, M
hippyjoe1955 · 70-79, M
zonavar68 · 56-60, M
@hippyjoe1955 And herein lies the classic problem. The 'hivemind' will actively listen to and openly support women but largely ignores men and never seeks their opinion when there is something like this going on. It takes two to tango.
hippyjoe1955 · 70-79, M
@zonavar68 Yeah that was a lesson I learned many years ago when I was new at counselling. One side can make the other look like Satan himself until you hear the other side and realise that the first one to talk was actually Satan. I am not saying this is true in this case but without hearing both sides I have no idea how much blame belongs on which party. As you said Two to tango.
Lilymoon · F
Start running for the nearest exit and keep going.
RisingMorningStar7 · 36-40, M
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment