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Feeling like a loved possession, not a loved wife

Poll - Total Votes: 40
yes, true love would not be angered at quality time together actually he should have wanted it too
no, someone can truly love you but not want or care about quality time together
Love doesnt intentionally hurt and dismiss their partner like its nothing
Sounds like a control tactic because only his needs matter
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hello community, I want to share a experience i had today with my husband and would like some thoughts, opinions, advice on! I have been married less than a year. We lost our transportation months ago, and basically only spend time together in front of the tv..today, I asked my husband if we could be in the living room to spend some quality time playing a board game or cards and not in front of television (just for a little bit) than watch tv or play video games. He went to the store to get a case of monsters, so i thought nothing of opening the last one in fridge- he went off yelling and degrading me. I made breakfast than asked if we could play a game downstairs a little he said because I drank his cold monster that he wanted to stay in bedroom watching tv - hours passed and I remained in living room because tbh im extremely sick of only being in our bedroom and time is always in front of tv. He came down stairs yelling at me again because i did not go to bedroom to watch tv with him and because I didnt that he was going to go back to room and play on his video games, dismissing me. I had to take my daughter to hospital and ordered a uber to go, he asked for my uber account info, which i gave him but i felt hurt how he dismissed me and yelled/cussed me that i did not give him a kiss before leaving- upon reaching hospital he texted me harsh words for not taking pic of uber driver with plate number and he did not want to spend any time at all with me when I got back home. When i got back home he continued to watch shows and play video games, not once apologized for cussing me yelling at me, gave me no time at all on his day off. He avoided how i felt than around 10 pm he comes downstairs to scream at me again for not being in bedroom and threatened to block me which he did turned off location and said he will not be speaking to me at all when hes working ( he is a driver so we usually talk on phone while hes working) i told him how dismissed, and crappy i felt - however he just yelled and cussed at me and called me names.. his communication has never been healthy he usually yells and only his voice is heard so communication like that only escalates. But i never asked him before to spend some quality time with me “without” television !! but he chose television the first time i did and used minor things he didnt like as excuse to be mad and stay on tv all day/night. Today, I did not try to be heard as i learned he only yells and im not getting into loud yelling battle to try to be heard - something like this seems so simple if both partners talk respectfully and both to be heard, so im often unheard. I am confused and conflicted.
If someone truly loves you would they give up television for “a little bit “ to play a board game or just connect with wife if she asked, OR is wife a big selfish baby that should dismiss the need for some quality time and tolerate because his wants are more important
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in10RjFox · M
Looks like your relationship bonding has run down. Both need a separation for a few weeks for love to rejuvenate. Marriage has this problem of one being a burden to the other

The issue is your usage of the term quality time too often. If you had asked him that way you definitely have hurt his ego as he would feel that you don't like being with him at all.

Basically I think you don't know how to approach him or start a conversation casually. It's always small talks that lead to intimacy.

You say he is a driver.. but no mention of him leaving the house on work. Men usually don't like playing board games one on one. It should be always a group activity.

Have you tried texting him instead of speaking to him ? That way he can't yell at you in text
in10RjFox · M
@in10RjFox just saw your age .. how old is he ? This should not happen for someone your age.
Sunnyday777 · 46-50, FNew
Hello! My husband is a few years younger than me. I think you misunderstood but I never ask him to spend asome time in living room play dominoes or cards any game or just talk for little- i did yesterday because ALL of our time together is always in front of tv facing television lol doesnt seem that suggestion would trigger anything, but he started looking for little things as excuse to remain in bedroom in front of television- his anger sky rocketed because I drank the last monster in fridge BUT he was at store getting a case I meant no harm that he wouldnt have a cold one and i apologized, that wasn’t good enough than he brought up how i said we needed. A vase for flowers he got the other day ( is that an insult??) i said thank you and i love them but he focused on that i said they needed a vase- stupid little things he think up through day to say how bad I was ungrateful, selfish but with yelling and too much anger over little things! I texted him to let me know when he wanted dinner I would bring up to him, he did not read it or ask, instead he warmed up food and than said how awful i was for not bringing him up food ( call he had to do was text, even though he was cruel to me i still made him breakfast, lunch and seems like he wanted to find anything to be mad at me.

Yes I expressed in text how hurt I felt at his behavior and yelling demeaning things to me, i said i felt hurt he couldnt just do something in living room with me, and he dismissed all just came down to yell at me. He literally blocked me and shut off location because I wanted my space unless he could apologize for all the cruel things he yelled at me, mind you he did not try to communicate back by text or in person but he blocked me his wife because i stayed silent and alone on couch…. Our only intimacy is sex which we have often but i just wanted to do something not involving tv- its been only our room/tv for 4 months 7 days a week. do you think that was selfish to want quality time out of our room, seems simple to me. Blocking me turning off location is a level and a serious boundary for me he crossed intentionally ! How can you block your spouse when you did not even try sitting down to talk to her like a person with feelings?? He dismissed my feelings did not reply by text or in person about how he treated me but he BLOCKED me so that is a serious boundary he is well aware of. Thanks for your response
in10RjFox · M
@Sunnyday777
Our only intimacy is sex which we have often but i just wanted to do something not involving tv- its been only our room/tv for 4 months 7 days a week. do you think that was selfish to want quality time out of our room, seems simple to me.

NO. It's not selfish, just that you have married a grown up child. If sex is your only intimacy, do you feel he is Making love to you with good foreplay and involvement OR you feel that he just uses you as a scoring pad / doll ?

Back to your post headline, I don't think you are even being possessed ? but more like unwanted. Treatment is more like you are a servant.

its been only our room/tv for 4 months 7 days a week
So he doesn't go to work or anything? What's the income source?

It's really impossible to deal with such narcissists and it is better to move away, for he knows how to get his way and put you down.

Unless you want to get dominant and treating him as inferior, like giving him orders to do things.

Isn't there a way for you to go for some form of occupation, that reduces your hours at home ?
Sunnyday777 · 46-50, FNew
@in10RjFox yeah he works 5 days a week. I meant our time together is just always facing tv, some face to face quality time would have been nice but im not expressing anything anymore at this point.. i am looking for a job that I can walk to and get out.. yeah its making love but primarily foreplay comes from me but i dont care in that area we are good. But what secures a bond by respectful communication and obviously not damaging your person to feel unwanted, unheard, and no care if he knows im hurt. He added to his annoyance list how first time I asked him to wash his work clothes because after lashing out at me in anger and cruel insults - l was not going to and was hoping he cared how he treated me, and would say something but his expectations was i just take the verbal/ emotional abuse neglect and. Make his food wash his stuff and go sit in front tv- i ruined the day/night in his mind. Feeling unwanted and mentally abused then blamed / neglected it has shut my heart down i dont feel emotionally safe to express myself or any need.
in10RjFox · M
@Sunnyday777
i am looking for a job that I can walk to and get out..


Wish you find one soon.