I toss a coin!

Status update... been back home for alost a month, closed out the Condo with the g/f (boy was that hard, we did have one last time in the bed, she's amazing) anyway it was very hard such a great place, magical place with her.. the potential has no bounds. What we could do together.. when we walked into a room together we owned it. It wasn't me or her (she's stunning) but it was both of us together. But in order to get to that potential I'd have to go through hell....
There is potential with the wife too but not as great, and it's easy to move back home, carry on with the changed wife. My daughter is happy I'm back. I've made changes at home an the wife is all in. We had sex on the boat last night an it was really good.. can't say we made love, yet. I have my lifestyle back an I guess that means a lot to me, right or wrong. Just wish there was an easier path to the g/f.

:/ 🤔
it's harsh, but..
[i]Did you ever have to make up your mind?
And pick up on one and leave the other behind?
It's not often easy and not often kind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?[/i]

I don't think your question is black and white, 20 years and you're still not fulfilled isn't promising. I'm guessing you both would need counseling to fix problems. Reconciliation might be ok at first but you'll still find yourself in the same spot. You're going to have to weigh positive and negative of both. I feel your pain and understand your confusion. But I think there will need to be soul searching and that is always difficult. My thoughts are with you 😌

Well, I went with the heart, got another apartment moved in with the girlfriend and am very happy. Even my 15yo daughter sees the issues I was having with the wife. She was in a depression for 20 years because she couldn't control me. To the point of putting a plate full of food in front of me,,,, no thank you I'll make my own plate.. my daughter likes staying with us so much she wants 2 weeks with us 1 week with her mother... same issues I was having..

Update:

Went back to the wife, broke the g/f's heart and mine too. Being honest with the wife, told her I came back for the lifestyle and that I loved the g/f more than her BUT I want to fall back in love with her, the wife. So after 2+ weeks I'm back into the lifestyle I missed so much, but no more in love with the wife then before. My heart is still with the g/f.... I'm still hoping that will change...

Uhm be happy

Maybe try being alone...It appears you've grown a dependentcy possible. If the marriage wasn't working you the wife are beating a dead horse.
Hmm who knows what's up with the girlfriend...

Try just directing your own life

Go back to your wife...she deserves a chance...for old time sakes.

Mike does your wife know about the gf?