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Go with heart or head?

Ok so I was in a downward slope for 20 years in a marriage. Started seeing my g/f 4 years ago. We fell in love an I filed for a divorce. Not necessarily because of her but she was the prize at the end of the tunnel for sure. I left the house 11/16, eventually rented a Condo on the river, sunsets were gorgeous! But just before g/f was going to move in full time, it started getting hard to talk to her AND the wife changed 180 degrees.. between hormones and what the Church was saying was wrong about marriage. And tge hormones brought her out of a 20 year depression.
My mind convinced me to move back home. My heart is still with the g/f for the most part. But the wife hasn't really had a chance to change the heart but has potiental. Now as a guy, the stuff an comfort is important to me, with the g/f it would be a few years before I could get back to a lifestyle I was comfortable with....
So after all that, heart or head?
CaptMike2
M
20 replies 125 views Feb 13, 2017
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CaptMike2 · M
Status update... been back home for alost a month, closed out the Condo with the g/f (boy was that hard, we did have one last time in the bed, she's amazing) anyway it was very hard such a great place, magical place with her.. the potential has no bounds. What we could do together.. when we walked into a room together we owned it. It wasn't me or her (she's stunning) but it was both of us together. But in order to get to that potential I'd have to go through hell....
There is potential with the wife too but not as great, and it's easy to move back home, carry on with the changed wife. My daughter is happy I'm back. I've made changes at home an the wife is all in. We had sex on the boat last night an it was really good.. can't say we made love, yet. I have my lifestyle back an I guess that means a lot to me, right or wrong. Just wish there was an easier path to the g/f.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 28, 2017
SW-User
:/ 🤔
it's harsh, but..
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
And pick up on one and leave the other behind?
It's not often easy and not often kind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
CaptMike2 · M
Sounds like a song..lol
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
SW-User
@CaptMike2: it is indeed.
[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lo-FHOOssPQ]
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
Greentealemondade · 56-60, F
I don't think your question is black and white, 20 years and you're still not fulfilled isn't promising. I'm guessing you both would need counseling to fix problems. Reconciliation might be ok at first but you'll still find yourself in the same spot. You're going to have to weigh positive and negative of both. I feel your pain and understand your confusion. But I think there will need to be soul searching and that is always difficult. My thoughts are with you 😌
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
Greentealemondade · 56-60, F
Yes I've been there with the counseling and I understand there are many possible issues on the table-children, family, a home, finances, reputation. Maybe a counselor of your own to help you sort out the issues of most concern could guide you. I know, there's a lot at stake
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
CaptMike2 · M
@Greentealemondade: I have decided to take your advice and seek counseling
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 21, 2017
CaptMike2 · M
Going to a counselor on Tuesday! Free consultation see if I like him, and another appointment week after. See which one I like the best, but times running out. I might have to go with the guy on Tuesday..
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 24, 2017
CaptMike2 · M
Well, I went with the heart, got another apartment moved in with the girlfriend and am very happy. Even my 15yo daughter sees the issues I was having with the wife. She was in a depression for 20 years because she couldn't control me. To the point of putting a plate full of food in front of me,,,, no thank you I'll make my own plate.. my daughter likes staying with us so much she wants 2 weeks with us 1 week with her mother... same issues I was having..
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Nov 2, 2017
CaptMike2 · M
Update:

Went back to the wife, broke the g/f's heart and mine too. Being honest with the wife, told her I came back for the lifestyle and that I loved the g/f more than her BUT I want to fall back in love with her, the wife. So after 2+ weeks I'm back into the lifestyle I missed so much, but no more in love with the wife then before. My heart is still with the g/f.... I'm still hoping that will change...
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 20, 2017
Possibility · 31-35, F
Uhm be happy
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
CaptMike2 · M
That's all I really want is to be happy. But at what costs? I can be happy with the wife, I think I can be happier with the g/f but it would literally kill the wife, at least that's what she says
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
aradia11 · 61-69, F
Maybe try being alone...It appears you've grown a dependentcy possible. If the marriage wasn't working you the wife are beating a dead horse.
Hmm who knows what's up with the girlfriend...

Try just directing your own life
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
Unlearn · 41-45, M
Go back to your wife...she deserves a chance...for old time sakes.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
CaptMike2 · M
Yea, for the 3rd time. But this time it really does seem like she's changed
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
Southernpridegirl · 36-40, F
Mike does your wife know about the gf?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
CaptMike2 · M
She does now, an realizes that she pushed me toward that.. during the depression she was soooooo cold
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 13, 2017
SpiritOfSoul · 31-35, F
I toss a coin!
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · May 26, 2017
CaptMike2 · M
@BelaCharm: going with the g/f.. just a matter of time. My future is better with her. Starting a new business
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · May 26, 2017
 
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