What should I do?
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over five years, and we’re both 33. We first lived in Germany, but as a U.S. citizen and a doctor, I wanted to return to the U.S. to practice. He had always wanted to pursue an MBA, so I encouraged him to apply to programs in the U.S. He got into a great school and landed an amazing offer after his first internship. Throughout the process, I’ve been fully supportive, treating his goals as if they were my own.
We've always discussed getting married and building a life together once we’re both settled. He mentioned needing to save up for a ring, which I completely respect. However, my situation feels a bit more uncertain. I spend 8-12 hours a day studying for my medical boards, without the social interaction or structure of a school program, and I don’t know where I’ll end up for residency. While we both contribute to our apartment, I’ve had to take on extra jobs to cover my half, which adds to my stress. Getting married would give me some much-needed stability, especially in such an unpredictable phase of my life.
A few months ago, I stayed with my sister, who lives an hour away, to help with her family while continuing my studies. Even though we saw each other every weekend, my boyfriend didn’t like that I wasn’t living with him, saying it felt like we weren’t building a life together. This was despite him being fully focused on his studies and only coming home for dinner during those early months.
Whenever I bring up marriage, he insists we need to wait, citing the big move, my temporary absence, and his lack of income as reasons. Meanwhile, many of his younger MBA friends are getting engaged, which is starting to make me feel pressured. I just wish he would be more positive and provide a clear plan, like saying he can’t wait to marry me once his job starts. Instead, it often feels like I’m the one pushing for this conversation. I’m scared I’m wasting my time waiting for something that feels so uncertain.
What should I do?
We've always discussed getting married and building a life together once we’re both settled. He mentioned needing to save up for a ring, which I completely respect. However, my situation feels a bit more uncertain. I spend 8-12 hours a day studying for my medical boards, without the social interaction or structure of a school program, and I don’t know where I’ll end up for residency. While we both contribute to our apartment, I’ve had to take on extra jobs to cover my half, which adds to my stress. Getting married would give me some much-needed stability, especially in such an unpredictable phase of my life.
A few months ago, I stayed with my sister, who lives an hour away, to help with her family while continuing my studies. Even though we saw each other every weekend, my boyfriend didn’t like that I wasn’t living with him, saying it felt like we weren’t building a life together. This was despite him being fully focused on his studies and only coming home for dinner during those early months.
Whenever I bring up marriage, he insists we need to wait, citing the big move, my temporary absence, and his lack of income as reasons. Meanwhile, many of his younger MBA friends are getting engaged, which is starting to make me feel pressured. I just wish he would be more positive and provide a clear plan, like saying he can’t wait to marry me once his job starts. Instead, it often feels like I’m the one pushing for this conversation. I’m scared I’m wasting my time waiting for something that feels so uncertain.
What should I do?
31-35, F
