I just got into a argument with my boyfriend and don’t know how to fix it. He made a comment about a friend ordering a mail order bride.

I think it is more likely a good deal. When a marriage with a foreign spouse (male or female) falls apart it is over cultural misundersandings to a irreconcilable degree. They most likely will see pics of each other, and if they know one another's language will chat. In the pre-WW2 generation this was very common in the Ohio Valley. Men come from overseas, get jobs, send off for a new wife back home, and with next to little information exchanged a woman shows up, and they have a family and make it work. It's not the same as a arranged marriage but not too different. I think you are getting too caught up in current feminist culture to see much of the world doesn't operate as it does in the west. How many women are castigated for seeking sugar daddies? For marrying them?

This guy just wants a traditional wife. He likely deployed overseas, saw the women and said to himself they looked decent enough, knows these women put a effort into maintaining their household and their relationship and try to make things work, where a western woman would juat get angry and demand a divorce and alimony. He has as mucb right to seek happiness as the gold diggers after a easy life of wealth do.

And I never heard of a case of PTSD making someone abusive, it doesn't work that way. I knew a army buck sargeant with PTSD who drank like crazy, and woukd attack my door for a few hours per weekend (I would put my roommate's bed against the door). He chose me because my room was closest to the CQ desk, and CQ was always too scared to stop him. He likely died from alcoholism by now, not PTSD. PTSD is never the cause of abuse. It causes you to act abused. People with weak mental health will often try to treat the symptoms with drinking or drugs. That causes the spiral. Not merely having panic attacks and flash backs.

And you are assuming ownership. No man has figured out, short of chaining a woman up, how to keep her from leaving the house and having female friends who they will endlessly talk to, who will know the local laws and have ideas on how to deal with relationships. I've seen Pakistani men keep women housebound, Yemeni refuse to allow their daughters to get english tutors who are male. That's about it. A USMC veteran isn't of those cultures where that's okay. She's gonna know people, likely get a job in some ethnic restaurant, and talk endlessly on the phone and have a local girlfriend who she will never stop talking to. Endless, truely endless talking. Talk talk talk. Not a slave.

I used to see my brothers neighbors wife, and children, on their hands and knees plucking weeds from their front lawn while her husband stood over her watching and correcting.
She was a mail order bride/ slave. She wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone and he was very protective of his property.

I suppose she left o e he’ll to marry another type of hell. I think about her often.

From my pov you immediately went to the worst case scenario for both of them which is an issue in and of itself. Just because someone gets a mail order bride doesn't mean hes going to treat her like a slave nor abuse her. His friend does have issues with ptsd but unless you have it and know how it affects him you dont know how difficult it is to make a connection with someone. A friend of mine has psychosis and i don't recognize him since college. Always hearing things that nobody said, hasn't left his apartment in months, and didn't even go to a mutual friends wedding last year. Maybe stop thinking that you and other women are always under attack when they aren't and you're only being shown the worst of the worst. If youre country was under attack and you have little education youre only thinking of "where and who is safe to be around?" And even if education wasnt an issue and she wanted to marry him just let her do it, its not your life. She needed someone to be safe around and this just happen to be a way to get that/get close to that (you dont have to agree with it and thats okay), and he wants a connection. There are people who hire escorts just to talk to and to touch them non sexually also, its not always about sex. Switch the roles if you had a loser female friend who wanted a connection i know damn well you wouldnt like it if your boyfriend said something along the lines of "maybe lose some weight/maybe not say X to a guy she just met because its very off putting/the makeup makes you look VERY different/maybe stop talking about your ex when you meet a guy for a date/ try contributing to a conversation more actively or ask a little about his interests, its a two way street"

I hate to shatter his fantasy but most women like me who grew up in war do not easily trust outsider men ,and wouldn't sign up for those agencies. Also not everyone who grew up in war also had war related trauma or PTSD. That is to say the war doesn't affect everyone equally.

You both made lot of wrong statements.

I don't think you should break up over this. It is fixable through an honest CALM talk.

Not to worry about his friend "ordering a bride". .

When said friend discovers the (todays) true cost of VISAs and the other $expensive$ requirements that both parties have to go through, he'll likely change his mind.

The government does not make it easy, cheap or expeditious to marry a foreigner. They are well aware of the "mail order bride" fantasy. And they are well aware of the failure rate of such marriages (some say as high as 95%).

The fastest and initially least expensive method is to get a K-1 visa (AKA a fiancé visa). But in order for her to get that coveted document both of them have to go through the process. And if he/they cannot prove they are "in love" after a long standing relationship (IE: they will be asked to show lots of photos, letters and his passport full of entries and exits to her country.....) then their initial chances of getting the K-1 are nil until they have established a great paper trail.

So why doesn't he just go over there and get married .... Well .... that CR-1 visa paperwork (the petition) can take years to go through and be approved as well (and frankly it is just as expensive).

Sorry about your boyfriend..... choose wisely grasshopper...

What you seem to fail to realize is the woman's condition themselves. They are not getting married for love or for money or first social status. They are getting married for "peace of mind." That probably doesn't matter much to you and you can't grasp what I am saying.

Peace of mind seems to like such a simple thing but when you can never have it, I mean it will never happen, it is a huge thing. I think that you can only grasp loss of peace of mind lasting for maybe a few months at most but I'm talking it never ending.

Most of these women are willing to give up anything for that.

Realistically, those women aren't sold as slaves, they're looking to get a better life

An ex marine should be strong to protect her, and I hope they treat each other well

Some have trouble relating and communicating and finding a mate, kinda harsh view point I feel like

male feminists... am i right?.. 😑

You're both wrong. Him thinking his friends is doing those a favor is not a good mindset. You for making to many assumptions. Maybe his friends is falling in love. His not buy a slave, he is probably looking for love and companionship.

If he waited until the end of November he would have gotten a black Friday special deal. 😂

Def feels red flag like.