How do you deal with a girl who consistantly talks about her ex? It's not my relationship! Why...

She hasn't gotten over it yet.

Luckylu · 61-69, F

First, the only way to know is to talk to her find out why she wants to talk about him to you.

I’m apparently different in this. I want to know about a person’s past experiences and relationships. It will tell me a lot about the person and how they handle themselves in a relationship. I will ask what they have learned from those relationships so I can see how they have grown as a person. Or are they just reliving the same things over and over again and not learning from them. Will they give up at the first bump
In the road or do they face the bump and include me in on what to do about it?

Take advantage of what she is telling you to learn more about her. What did she like about the relationship and what did she not like about it. What did she learn. What are her expectations now that it is over and the two of you are seeing each other. Etc. some people sort through things by talking. Some do it by journaling. And since she is talking get her to tell you what you want to know. If you shut her down she will think she can’t talk to you about anything and I don’t think that would be good. But I’m all about full disclosure so I can learn about who you are.

If that isn’t what you want then tell her. Better to get it out on the table now to determine if the two of you are compatible. And when I say talk to her I am not talking about giving her judgemental statements. I’m talking about asking her questions to make her think and decide for herself how she should feel so she can move away from it and see you for who you are. And for you to know if you are the right person for her or she for you. She wants to know you aren’t that guy and you won’t be that guy and that being with you is a good choice.

How you respond to this will tell her a lot about you.

Muthafukajones · 46-50, M

Change the topic and it’s also ok to assert a boundary with her that she can vent a bit but she needs to come to you with good stuff too. If she can’t handle that she isn’t really a friend at all and you’re better off without her toxicity.

perceptivei · 36-40, F

Tell her she talks about her ex too much. Tell her it not only makes it seem she hasn't gotten over the relationship but it's incredibly disrespectful to you.

She needs to find a way to stop talking about him or she'll push everyone away. She may not realize how disrespectful it is. I used to be that way when I was younger.

firefall · 61-69, M

Assuming she's not actually dating you, then its probably the thing consuming her mind at that point, trying to deal with an immense agony. I'd generally let her and nod along, but then I'm an idiot, basically

PepsiColaP

Tell her that while you appreciate she feels comfortable enough to share parts of her past with you it sometimes makes you uncomfortable ,especially since you don't feel you're in a position to comment on it

ElRengo · 70-79, M

Be patient.
With time and confidence she will go over her Ex.
And begin to talk about the Ex previous to her most recent Ex! 😄

cerealguy · 26-30, M

Tell her that you don't wanna hear about the guy

But at the same time, be reasonable. Suppose this could help hee move on and she's not some self centered person?

hartfire

Ask her questions about other aspects of her life.
Or task for time apart until she's finished with grieving.

PhilDeep · 51-55, M

Stop imagining you're in a relationship with her when she's not past the previous one?

TexChik · F

subtle hints seem to work the best

BizSuitStacy · M

Just remember...if she's talking to you about her ex, she'll also be talking about you when you are her ex.

mindlessdrifter · M

Major insecurity, therefore too much baggage. Not a relationship I can support. Find out the important points as to why she consistently wants to do that. You aren't her savior.