what do you think about someone you're dating asking questions about your weight
is this ok with you? or an instant turnoff?
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I haven't dated for decades and back then I was thinner than average for my age, slightly underweight. That was a turnoff for most men, so I had fewer chances of dating than most. None of them ever asked about my weight.
So I have to answer this as a hypothetical - what would I think if a man I was dating asked about my weight.
I'd just answer honestly:
"I began packing it on after menopause, even though I was still eating the same diet as always (home cooked whole foods, mostly vegetarian).
I'm now 5 kilos over the ideal healthy weight for my height, and 10 kilos over my ideal of how I was when young. And I hate it.
I also have a bad cholesterol level of 7 and need to get it down to max 4.5.
I've recently cut out all saturated fats bar the equivalent of two dice per day, and most starch with the exception of a 1/4 cup of rolled oats per day. I've also increased my raw foods in the form of salads.
And I'm practising Dr Michael Moseley [i]5:2 Diet[/i].
I walk for an hour a day, do at least an hour's weeding most days, go swimming once a week, and do half an hour's beginner's yoga everyday.
It's working. I'm losing a kilo per week."
And I'd hope to hell that he wasn't bored to tears with my answer.
Then I'd ask him about his weight and health.
I make a point of never making assumptions about why someone is under, over or in the healthy weight range. Genetics, conditions like arthritis, disability, hormonal abnormalities, addictions, or mood disorders, or even occupational hazards such as being a writer or office worker can have a major effect on weight. Our society usually blames lifestyle factors, but when we don't know someone, making assumptions is unfair and can be cruel.
Further, a person can be permanently overweight and yet still be healthy and fit; they were just born with a different metabolism.
I think the most important thing is knowing the facts, being realistic and honest, and taking whatever steps one needs to for good self care. The rest - (such as finding someone who accepts one and is capable of love) - will take care of itself because, when one takes care of oneself the way an ideal loving mother would, one becomes attractive and lovable.
Another question is what body type is your date attracted to?
What type are you attracted to?
Might love and positive experiences change that?
So I have to answer this as a hypothetical - what would I think if a man I was dating asked about my weight.
I'd just answer honestly:
"I began packing it on after menopause, even though I was still eating the same diet as always (home cooked whole foods, mostly vegetarian).
I'm now 5 kilos over the ideal healthy weight for my height, and 10 kilos over my ideal of how I was when young. And I hate it.
I also have a bad cholesterol level of 7 and need to get it down to max 4.5.
I've recently cut out all saturated fats bar the equivalent of two dice per day, and most starch with the exception of a 1/4 cup of rolled oats per day. I've also increased my raw foods in the form of salads.
And I'm practising Dr Michael Moseley [i]5:2 Diet[/i].
I walk for an hour a day, do at least an hour's weeding most days, go swimming once a week, and do half an hour's beginner's yoga everyday.
It's working. I'm losing a kilo per week."
And I'd hope to hell that he wasn't bored to tears with my answer.
Then I'd ask him about his weight and health.
I make a point of never making assumptions about why someone is under, over or in the healthy weight range. Genetics, conditions like arthritis, disability, hormonal abnormalities, addictions, or mood disorders, or even occupational hazards such as being a writer or office worker can have a major effect on weight. Our society usually blames lifestyle factors, but when we don't know someone, making assumptions is unfair and can be cruel.
Further, a person can be permanently overweight and yet still be healthy and fit; they were just born with a different metabolism.
I think the most important thing is knowing the facts, being realistic and honest, and taking whatever steps one needs to for good self care. The rest - (such as finding someone who accepts one and is capable of love) - will take care of itself because, when one takes care of oneself the way an ideal loving mother would, one becomes attractive and lovable.
Another question is what body type is your date attracted to?
What type are you attracted to?
Might love and positive experiences change that?
blindbob · 41-45
@hartfire He's always talking about the weight he's trying to lose. He's almost obsessive about it. In one of our first phone calls, he asked me what my blood pressure was. He's not even fat. I kind of wonder if he was a chubby kid and if that's why he's so weirdly obsessed. He asked me my weight after I told him I drink soda sometimes. I just wondered if it's enough of a reason to write him off.
@blindbob For most of my life I had no issues with weight. I was lucky to have been born with naturally lean genes from both parents, grew up with a healthy diet and lots of exercise, and continued that through my adult life - until menopause. The hormonal change in my metabolism was a shock and it scared me. I was all too aware of how difficult others found losing weight. I did everything I could and yet still gained a kilo per year.
Since the news of having an overly high measure of bad cholesterol - high enough to put me at risk of heart attack - I've become almost obsessed. I don't talk about it unless people raise the topic but I think about it frequently. The problem is that when one is dieting and exercising, even in the most sensible and well-informed way, one becomes hungry. And hunger makes one's sense of smell and taste far more acute. One can't help thinking about food - like one hears of people who've experienced concentration camps: they think and dream about it almost continuously. Yes, there is a real danger of developing a food disorder through becoming obsessed.
The trick is to stay disciplined and eat only what is healthy in moderate amounts, ensuring that it is delicious, eaten slowly and mindfully and fully savored. Also to exercise only in moderate amounts, building fitness, flexibility and strength in balance and slowly.
But in your case, blindbob, there are too many signals that are not right for you with this online fellow.
He started by claiming his aim was to find someone with whom to marry and have kids. But...
He has moved interstate and neither of you is willing or able to move into close proximity. He doesn't initiate calls and conversations. He pressures you to sext and show yourself on screen, against your wishes and not respecting your boundaries. He shows no signs of love or affection. His obsession with weight issues gets in the way of opportunities to have deeper, meaningful and more varied conversations.
Putting all that together, it really does seem like there are too many red flags and that he's probably not the right person for you.
It's likely that he may have lied about his aim of marriage to gain enough time to try to seduce you. If that's the case he is also dishonest and a player. And that type never makes for a good spouse.
Since the news of having an overly high measure of bad cholesterol - high enough to put me at risk of heart attack - I've become almost obsessed. I don't talk about it unless people raise the topic but I think about it frequently. The problem is that when one is dieting and exercising, even in the most sensible and well-informed way, one becomes hungry. And hunger makes one's sense of smell and taste far more acute. One can't help thinking about food - like one hears of people who've experienced concentration camps: they think and dream about it almost continuously. Yes, there is a real danger of developing a food disorder through becoming obsessed.
The trick is to stay disciplined and eat only what is healthy in moderate amounts, ensuring that it is delicious, eaten slowly and mindfully and fully savored. Also to exercise only in moderate amounts, building fitness, flexibility and strength in balance and slowly.
But in your case, blindbob, there are too many signals that are not right for you with this online fellow.
He started by claiming his aim was to find someone with whom to marry and have kids. But...
He has moved interstate and neither of you is willing or able to move into close proximity. He doesn't initiate calls and conversations. He pressures you to sext and show yourself on screen, against your wishes and not respecting your boundaries. He shows no signs of love or affection. His obsession with weight issues gets in the way of opportunities to have deeper, meaningful and more varied conversations.
Putting all that together, it really does seem like there are too many red flags and that he's probably not the right person for you.
It's likely that he may have lied about his aim of marriage to gain enough time to try to seduce you. If that's the case he is also dishonest and a player. And that type never makes for a good spouse.
blindbob · 41-45
@hartfire I have had a previous long-distance relationship where sexting became an issue, but he has not pressured me at all sexually. I actually was wondering if he might be gay, because there's no flirtation or affection and I'm putting it together with the doggy-style thing. Plus, he's almost 50, no kids, never married, and very focused on his appearance and weight. Anyway, this is why I think we could make good friends. If he actually is gay, then hey, we have so much in common, let's talk books and movies and go to cultural events in each other's cities. Or maybe he's just not interested, but when I ask, he says he is. So, as you can see, I am confused.
@blindbob Gay men don't just do doggie. They can can mate in all the same positions and enjoy all the same forms of fore and afterplay as hets do. The difference in the forms of genitalia makes almost no difference in what can occur. In general, the main differences are that, for matching ages, most men have 14 times stronger libido and and many women have the capacity for multiple orgasms.
So if your fellow has a fetish for doggie, it definitely didn't mean he was gay. There is a theory that doggie is less personal; it's harder to look into each other's eyes. Maybe he has problems with emotional intimacy.
So if your fellow has a fetish for doggie, it definitely didn't mean he was gay. There is a theory that doggie is less personal; it's harder to look into each other's eyes. Maybe he has problems with emotional intimacy.
@blindbob I'm an INTJ too!
I can say I had to learn about emotions.
What I learned while growing up was topsy turvy - can't be any other way if the parents are drinkers.
INTJs are fairly rare and tend to have specific and rather quirky needs.
What are you on the Meyers-Briggs scale?
How well do you think it corresponds to how you see yourself?
I can say I had to learn about emotions.
What I learned while growing up was topsy turvy - can't be any other way if the parents are drinkers.
INTJs are fairly rare and tend to have specific and rather quirky needs.
What are you on the Meyers-Briggs scale?
How well do you think it corresponds to how you see yourself?
blindbob · 41-45
@hartfire I'm an INFJ-- I think that's why we clicked so well initially and some of the differences between the feeling and thinking are becoming more significant as time goes on. I think they can be worked through, but only if both people are invested. I'm afraid I don't think he is anymore.