Some advice in the age of dating apps PLEASE

@OogieBoogie it's really interesting that you suspect discussion will work for me since that's exactly what i'm finding boring, but maybe it's the quality of the conversations we're having. i'm more attracted to a guy mowing my lawn, scraping the snow off my car, or giving me a ride somewhere. maybe because i'm used to having to do everything on my own and it's refreshing when someone eases my stress.

@blindbobOk.
Well maybe you aren't sapio, maybe you're after something like a Carer/Caree dynamic.

But I still think itd only be through conversation youde find their moral compass.

Unless you post questions about such deeds or morality types of attraction ...I'm not sure how else you will discover where the generous/carer types of people are .🤷‍♀️

@OogieBoogie how do you get deeper and better quality conversations? i try, but they always revert back to bland topics, bragging, or flattery.

@OogieBoogie [quote]Unless you post questions about such deeds or morality types of attraction ...I'm not sure how else you will discover where the generous/carer types of people are[/quote]

You have mailed it .. 👌💯

@blindbob [quote]i'm more attracted to a guy mowing my lawn, scraping the snow off my car, or giving me a ride somewhere[/quote]

Looks like you are looking for a servant .. a male wife . 😀😀

Actually guys are ready if you can offer as a job.

@in10RjFox what do you mean by "male wife"? wives mow lawns and scrape ice off of cars?

@in10RjFox i actually do put in my bio that my love languages are acts of service and quality time, but it doesn't seem to make any difference.

@blindbob
[quote]what do you mean by "male wife"? wives mow lawns and scrape ice off of cars?[/quote]

Why do you think many men marry maids or marry asian women ?

[quote]I actually do put in my bio that my love languages are acts of service and quality time, but it doesn't seem to make any difference.[/quote]

It means your bio is static and not dynamic enough to provoke a response. Do have a look at my about me and pinned stories here ..

@in10RjFox i used to have a really well-crafted bio, but i've been told by men that they don't read them anyway. in fact, they usually start off asking questions that are already answered in the profile.

and no, i'm not looking for a maid. i grew up in a house where my mom had to do it all on her own, so for me, i know you're a good guy if you help to ease your partner's burdens.

@blindbob I think one just has to keep trying.

And although you like a particular trait in a person , you still have to understand that people have more character traits and interests and personality variability that will be wrapped around the trait you like .

Online can be like life in that its hit and miss , and more about consistency and just engaging.

Im not a master at it ...I admit I've never used a dating site ....I'm just way too picky and am at peace with my own company.

But, from observations, one has to put some energy into revealing oneself.
Like...you do need to put out more than you expect to get .
And it needs to be alluring .
Your profile , or posts need to have energy, passion , integrity , humour....something that peaks a person's interest.

And in conversation ...if it starts to wander into undesired territory...maybe ask.

Asking questions of others not only helps you learn more ....it flatters people, (we love nothing better than talking about ourselves)....it engases them and may lead to them giving you gems of information to further talk about.


You must remember, we live in a society in which we are subconsciously programmed to think that there is an "ideal way to act"....and many succumb to these cliché social recipes: too scared to show their real selves in fear of rejection.

And ...if I was you - I'd study up on these personality types and see what attracts THEM to other people .

A little psychology can offer a deeper insight .

@OogieBoogie it isn't that i can't hold a conversation. it's that putting in all the work is draining, and it's not rewarding when you get nothing in return. it feels like work.

@blindbob I get that .

And if you find its all you....you move on.

It also depends upon the energy you give out ...I know it sounds very hippy-dippy , but it counts.

I mean...I looked at your profile - and it does t say much about who and what you are....what you desire, your past or where you are in life.

And , I'm guessing, from your recent posts....yoire not in the best spot atm.
...youre energy is low.

And I think ,,that when people are at a point they are trying to connect online ....all our energy is compromised...many of us don't have a lot to give out.

But I can say this ....if your main reason to connect to others is for a close romantic relationship...I truly believe tjere is such a thing as the "scent of desperation".....people pick up on it .

And learning to be satisfied within oneself first, is a huge step in being attractive to others.

Many are givers ....but they cant do it 100% of the time ....in fact, givers often need down time and need to be given to .

And as much as I'm taking a stab.in the dark and guessing you're interested in the Dom/sub dynamic, you may be interested to understand that tje true power lies with the sub.

And tjat Dom's need care and recovery time -.its exhausting being the one directing the control .

There is yin and yang in every state , Dom or sub, they are still a bit of each .

I think, relax , stop trying , and indulge in who you are in a positive manner ....that is a good thing not only for yourself, but gives 0tjers a chance to see you who you are .

just awesome advice @OogieBoogie .. most women do not know how to project themselves online.. Most profiles are a [b]stay away from me[/b] notice .. no interesting question ..

And most importantly women never Chase guys online.. like taking interest in their profile or answering their questions or initiate a conversation .. most act too sensitive for casual remarks giving no room for light tease or pranks ..

[quote]You must remember, we live in a society in which we are subconsciously programmed to think that there is an "ideal way to act".[/quote]

Well said .. humans have to unlearn many of the etiquettes that we are accustomed to offline. Most practice the same online and lose out and end up wasting time.

@OogieBoogie this is just where i come to vent, be silly, and explore curiosities. in my real life, i come across as very well put together. i sometimes have trouble relating with men online for all sorts of reasons. i'm not into video games, marvel movies, mumble rap music, and i'm not interested in talking about sex in the first few conversations, but i always try to meet people where they are, so if all you want to talk about is video games, i'll give it a stab, but there's only so long before i check out.

i don't think you can really understand this unless you've talked to men online as a woman. a lot of men are just not communicative. and those who are tend to spend the whole time bragging about themselves. maybe this is a cultural thing or just being nervous. idk, but i will say that i have spent time abroad for work and European men just seem to be better at it than American men. they seem to have broader interests are far as literature, movies, politics, and things like that. it's not just sports, video games, and sex.

@blindbobbelieve me, get where you're coming from.

I have a very gender neutral mind, well, I like to think I do 😁

And I find video games and sports.... Sort of 'irrelevant'.
And even a good intellectual conversation is no good when it becomes competitive.
I mean, I like considering new ideas and information, but when someone tells me what I should be thinking... I get huffy 😂.

So I understand.

But some of the best comversations are ones that passively Roll along, that stop and start, but pick up where they left of.

The most successful ones are the ones with no agenda other than a sharing of ideas, open to tangents and sillyness😊

@OogieBoogie agreed. i just had a pleasant conversation today. but it's rare. i also had a conversation with a guy yesterday who wanted to talk about why child labor is good. another who said that my family friend who died from Covid was just a statistic, last week the guy who described which race of women who gave the best blowjobs, a memorable guy who wanted to debate why a football team raping a girl shouldn't be criminally liable. so you can see how soul-sucking and demoralizing it can be to interact with men in these spaces. and i should add, i don't think they were intentionally offensive. they were completely clueless and at times they even expressed their ideas as if they were complimentary (e.g. "you're not the kind who would put yourself in that position"... "your race has the best body part for this" etc.)