Marriage

Don't give up. Why doesn't she want to be affectionate? Can you explain to me how she's acting?

@naoradix: her age doesn't help (if you know what I mean), the kids are her priority, she has stress from work, and I've had PTSD etc for the last four years which has taken most of her love away. She sees that most things that go wrong are my fault (both big and small) and the things I'm doing to get my life back on track (such as yoga and meditation) are selfish. If my daily priorities are different to hers then I should just leave. My priorities are generally her and the kids but hers are the kids and housework. She has gone through a lot which has been caused by my illness and me and perhaps it's my turn to take it from her!

Honestly, she's making excuses to stay in control, and you're letting her. Having PTSD shouldn't be something you feel bad about. And she's the one making you feel guilty for something you can't control, and are working on. If you want the marriage to be healthy, you have to gain confidence about yourself, and stop letting her hurt you and keep you under her thumb. What she's doing to you is manipulative. You don't need a divorce - you need to see what she's doing to you for what it really is, and take control. Stop taking her shit, and start making healthy demands.

@Jesterblue: If your SW age is correct, you should definitely reevaluate. I'm sure the kids would be far better off seeing you both happy on your own than seeing any one of you miserable in a marriage that just isn't coming together as a whole. Lead by example.

Easy to say. The kids see the problem and are asking why mum is having a go at me. They can't see it's logical. Got called selfish tonight because I poured a glass of wine whilst she was in the shower then she had a go at me over coffee which we weren't drinking. I firmly believe she needs help and wouldn't want the kids to stay without me. Most of 'our' friends are hers, I can't talk to the because they report back and I am still loyal to her. Wish it was that easy

@Jesterblue: Definitely is always a lot easier said than done. Have you both tried seeing a marriage counselor? Most people resort to them a little too late--more as a means to end things... but who knows, maybe it'll help her understand the problem. Or what kind of other help do you think she needs?

@naoradix: @Jesterblue: didn't say it wasn't possible, just saying it's not common.

@Kuronekko: I get that. But the only reason we're still in love is because we haven't given up. Most common marriages end in divorce because people are lazy as hell. You have to have a fiery heart to stay in love. It means the highs are high and the lows are low, but it's an adventure.

@naoradix: well yeah.. There is no happily ever after and it's the belief that there is that causes problems. People give up because things aren't perfect, when in reality nobody is! Congratulations on your relationship, people could learn something from you.

@Jesterblue: If you need someone to talk to, or vent.. I'll listen.

Thanks! Looking for friends at the moment@EyeDontGiveAHoot:

@Jesterblue: you have that with me.

Er I'm not a kid fyi
Are you saying if you had a husband like that you'd stay with him? Okay, that's cool

You're a kid. Have you ever been married? No. You haven't. Every marriage has problems. You have to work through those problems - not just cheat every time something gets hard.

I didn't say he should cheat lol
Don't piss me off mate

@naoradix: I know, she's still too important to me!

@Jesterblue: I have a solid suggestion. Stop doing things for her and bending over backwards for her. Don't tell her what you're doing. Just take a stand and start making the decisions in the marriage whether she likes it or not. Chances are she will be forced to talk it out with you because she won't be getting her way anymore. You have to stop putting her on a pedestal and giving her everything she wants. Say no. Do what you want for the marriage, house, and kids. She's acting like this because she's allowed to run your life. You don't have to get a divorce. You have to shift the balance, and you're the only one that can do it.

I don't disagree, but she's had it her way too long. It's a pretty big shift to make. But thanks, really