Why can't I leave my bf?

My boyfriend is very controlling, he hates it when I go see anyone including friends and family. He makes comments on the way I look and what I do and eat constantly.

He doesn't want me to have my own life, he wants me to solely rely on him financially so I have no independence whatsoever.

It's so so hard to leave, I feel like such a doormat. He provides for me and I wouldn't be able to sustain myself unless I go and get this degree he desperately doesn't want me to get. I'm sure he is cheating on me, he always has secret phone and secret dating profiles online even though I have never cheated.

Jesus Christ just why can't I leave him? I'm so scared of starting a new life on my own. I'm to embarrassed to talk about this with my family, I've always started strong for them.

I just need some strength and a clear head. I need to go study to find a better life and a good job that I love.

Had anyone else been in this position? I thought this would be a good life - a life without financial worries. Comes with a catch.

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4meAndyou · F

You just described the 3rd ex. RUN!!! Don't walk...RUN unless you want years of misery. Let me tell you, this is just the tip of the iceberg. When he feels like he HAS you he he will get worse.

He will probably end up hitting you...and there are very serious long term effects from long term mental abuse. You could end up with PTSD. You might become chronically depressed. He will probably escalate and escalate, until you end up in the hospital. And God forbid if you married him. He would probably damage your children, both mentally and physically.

And do you really want your ONLY life to be this misery? Don't you want to be happy?

If you REALLY feel that you just can't leave because you are frightened of being on your own, contact your local ER. They will have a telephone number you can call for the women's domestic violence shelter. Don't say to yourself, oh, he isn't hitting me,(yet).

Women's domestic violence shelters have FREE counselors, and TONS of experience dealing with this fear that you have. He doesn't have to be hitting you for them to be able to recognize what he is. He is flying at least a dozen big red flags right now.

Counselors...free ones...can advise you and help you to address your fears and help you to become independent. They have food pantries available, they can help you to find a mechanic for your car who won't cheat you, they can tell you where to find the cheapest and safest apartments...these women KNOW. They can help. And it doesn't cost you a thing.

Memez · 31-35, F

@4meAndyou Thank you for your reply, I most certainly will look into this. Thanks for understanding what it feels like!

4meAndyou · F

@Memez I lived it.

Memez · 31-35, F

@4meAndyou correction, thanks for sharing your story because you know what it feels like.

JimminyChristmas · 56-60, M

@4meAndyou Wow, they help find mechanics too? That's impressive! 👍️

4meAndyou · F

@JimminyChristmas They make recommendations for local business people who won't cheat women. Auto mechanics are famous for being able to see you coming, and women can be their biggest victims. All in all, local guidance is provided to women who have basically been sequestered and don't know how to manage on their own.