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Are childless couples selfish?

I have read that people who don't want children are inherently selfish. Either way it's a choice that people make as bringing up children is indeed very hard ! People make sacrifices to put their children first in mostly any decision. This is understandable but can also be considered a selfish choice as the childless person is free to do what they want without having to consider others, it maybe because the person is career minded or just not maternal or paternal. What do you think ?

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MarmeeMarch · M

Selfish ? - I think a woman that shits out a litter of kids for the sake of having kids is selfish. Usually more than not they ( husband and wife ) can not properly bring the child up and plans for its future because of their finances/

GardenSage · 36-40, M

There’s truth in that too... but let’s not let that take away from the fact that choosing not to have kids is a decision based on the perspective of “self” and by definition is “selfish”

I’m sorry to be so literal @MarmeeMarch

MarmeeMarch · M

@GardenSage I remember a dumb fresh off the boat lady said to me that I was selfish - she was the same lady that, when she was 8 months pregnant she would hold her fat pregnant belly , smile and say "I'm conceiving" what a dumbass = my guess her kid is a gang member today.

GardenSage · 36-40, M

@MarmeeMarch well there’s no way of knowing that. Children make incredible decisions while facing incredible challenges all the time.

SW-User

Why is it selfish to live a life you want? It's not like the world is dying for more people... I'd rather someone not have a kid than have one they hate and treat like shit.

GardenSage · 36-40, M

It’s not selfish as an insult. And nobody is saying it isn’t justified... but it is selfish by definition. You’re choosing a life centered around self. While a parents life is largely selfless, as most of your resources go to caring and loving for another. @SW-User

SW-User

@GardenSage I don't see how having no kids has to mean your life is centered around yourself, especially if you're out helping your community or something.

JustNik · 51-55, F

It is not selfish even by your definition. There are a lot of things on this planet we can give our time and energy to. You don’t have to give birth to your life’s purpose. 🙄

Keepitsimple · 51-55, F

Some don’t choose to be childless. They have years of heartbreak and can’t conceive or just find parenthood not for them.

Others just like to tell you what to do with your kids.

SW-User

It's their life choice. I wouldn't have problem with that. I have problem where parents neglect their children. They didn't provide enough education for them, feed them, etc..

Second, what's the point having children if the parents didn't pay attention on them? What's is the purpose of having kids? Just accident? I think that are more selfish the childess couple.

Sroonaka616 · 31-35, M

No I think that some people are just not made to be parents.

SW-User

We're already over populated.

RubySoo · 56-60, F

They might be selfish in that they want to spend their hard earned cash on themselves....but thats their call.
I think its more selfish to have a child that you dont intend to love and cherish and give it the very best life you can!

Andy69 · 51-55, M

@RubySoo I agree, to want something for yourself is indeed a selfish choice, but as I have already said, when the child is born comes the real responsibility, school fee's, helping them with their home work, teaching morally right from wrong, acting responsible in front of them as a role model, it can all be very stressful when children get out of hand and be downright disrespectful, being a parent is a sometimes a thankless task, but it can also be reward, childless couples miss out and can regret it in time.

SW-User

Perhaps. But it seems like it's selfish to insist on having biological children because you want "your genes to pass on" when there are a lot of children out there in need of adoption, not to mention raising your children to be mini-versions of you to live out your dreams vicariously or for the purpose of having someone to take care of you in your old age. Just saying--there are ways that having children could be construed as selfish as well.

I have a baby on the way, so I'm not childless nor claiming not to be selfish.

Andy69 · 51-55, M

@SW-User You were indeed selfish as you wanted to have the child assuming your wife would agree, but what comes after is a bit of a culture shock as it is quite a responsibility more than they realize as many parents, particularity young can't cope with it, some end up in care. Being a parents you have to be selfless and devoted to the child as you are in a way giving up your freedom, I know , I do speak from experience, I have two children, many a weekend I could've gone out with the lads when they did, but I had to stay at home to take care of the children. Congratulations on being a father, your child, no matter what will love you unconditionally.

HannahSky · F

There's lots of reasons couples don't have kids. It doesn't mean they're selfish. Nobody is really free to do whatever they want. Life's not like that.

DreamyCrush · F

Not selfish. Not everyone wants kids, and no one is required to have them.

GardenSage · 36-40, M

It’s selfish by definition. Not to be an insult. Nobody should Be insulted for not having kids. @DreamyCrush

DreamyCrush · F

@GardenSage So what about those who are UNABLE to have kids? Are they supposed to go out and adopt to dispel the 'selfish' theory?

GardenSage · 36-40, M

@DreamyCrush we are talking about the CHOICE. Let’s not conflate things.

MissLlyn · 26-30, F

cant afford a baby right now. I would rather adopt any ways, they need homes.

SW-User

nah my partner and I can adopt pets and be rich rich 🤩

Foxyfoxfox · 51-55, F

Actually, kids are overrated 😒

Andy69 · 51-55, M

@Foxyfoxfox Children are indeed more trouble than they are worth, but brought up the right way it can be extremely rewarding, I don't regret my children.

Beautywithin · 36-40, F

I don't see it as Selfish - they have reasons and its better for whatever reason they are, then to have a child they dont really want just because its the " Norm " to do

Andy69 · 51-55, M

@Beautywithin It depends on the situation, if someone is not in a position finally to take on a child then it would be wise to wait until it is financially stable.

LeopoldBloom · M

Or, people who have children are selfish if they have them only to gratify their egos, live through them vicariously, or propagate their genes as if this is a worthy endeavor.

Andy69 · 51-55, M

@LeopoldBloom I agree it is equally selfish to want them as it's about the individual who want, and desires as the child does not ask to come into the world but what comes after the child is born is the responsibility, feeding them, changing them, spending money on them, being woken up a few times at night, that is selfless, not selfish !

Fantabulous · 46-50, F

I don't see it as selfish. Different couples have different ideas about how they see their life and given that 90% of arguments between couples are normally because of the kids, I'm thinking they on to something

SW-User

No it's sensible, if they don't want kids and they go ahead and have them they'd be possibly likely to be horrible parents who raise kids who may not be fantastic future citizens because of their bad parenting

Nyloncapes · 61-69, M

No not selfish,down to the couple and nobody elses buisness to tell them it is selfish , they should just get on with there lifes and if they want children then down to them and have them

GardenSage · 36-40, M

It’s selfish... but that kind of justified selfishness that doesn’t affect others.

PirateMonkeyCabinet · 36-40, M

I wouldn't say it is inherently selfish nor selfless, the same as I wouldn't say having kids is inherently selfish or selfless.

There are compelling reasons for why some people might not want children. When it comes to biological children, bad genes and family illnesses that have a high risk of being passed on is a good one. I suppose it could also be argued that there are enough people pushing out biological children anyway and not enough who adopt or take in children who will otherwise live in bad situations.

But barring the whole biological vs. non-biological debate, there is also the matter of not everyone having the capability, the fortitude or even mental health stability to make good parents. If everyone made good parents there would be far fewer kids struggling in the world. Some people are better off not having kids, and struggle enough with caring for themselves.

EDIT: Oh, forgot to add, there is also the matter of being able to provide for a child. Having kids when you're in a really bad financial spot isn't the best idea either, and as such I wouldn't call it selfish to avoid bringing up a child in an already financially unstable situation.

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@PirateMonkeyCabinet well said my friend.
Its a conversation ive had many times about big families (at the school i worked in) Neither parent working yet gaving 8 to 12 kids!! The kids get free school meals, even trips. are paid for. Where as we stopped at two kids to try to ensure we could provide for them comfortably....yet at gones ours had to miss out trips if money was tight.....

PirateMonkeyCabinet · 36-40, M

@RubySoo Thank you! Yeah, I've seen someone who is now on their sixth kid. Looking at their financial situation and social struggles, not to mention the timing, it almost seems like they are pushing them out at a rate in which they can keep claiming state benefits over here. These children have a fair amount challenges already, yet instead of that being properly addressed they keep squeezing out more. They live a bit outside of civilization because it is too expensive otherwise which means the kids have quite reduced social options. The parents have switched/downgraded cars several times for financial issues and can no longer afford something big enough to drive everyone at once (and at this rate will need a new driver's license that qualifies them to drive a bus). It's just a bad situation that they keep making worse.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

It's ignorant to lump everyone together.

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GardenSage · 36-40, M

@MartinTheFirst it’s selfish to think your child will view life as cynically as you.
It’s also a selfish viewpoint to constantly see yourself as a sufferer or victim

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@GardenSage Nah, in a truely human sense none of that is selfish. However you can pick apart anything to be technically selfish if you really want to.

GardenSage · 36-40, M

@MartinTheFirst u see, it’s not about that. Your propensity to choose to be a victim dictates how you perceive your interactions with others.

You’re selfish and don’t even know it... convolutedly so.

It’s a spade.

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