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I'm 17 and in a romantic relationship with a 40 year old. What should I do?

This question is for those who won't judge my relationship... If you feel you have to say something rude. Don't bother commenting.
Anyways... He's not a bad guy. At all... Originally i lied about my age and told him I was 18. Then eventually told him I was actually 17. He began to text me less and act a bit more different... More reserved so to speak and eventually he said he's willing to continue this but he has to protect himself. I look nothing like a child... I could pass for 20 if I could. The issue i have is im fustrated... I want to be with him but at the same time I'm scared of beong with him. If I leave i won't ever find a guy like him... If I stay... He most likely will die earlier than I want him to and hes a very active risk taking guy. I still would very much like to be in his life even if hes not my bf but what 40 year old wants to have a friendship with a 17 year old. He can barely text me. I doubt he'd want to ever meet again... I love him so much. You have no idea. :/ his intentions with me were never sexual... He flirted a bit when he thought I was 18 and then completely stopped that and just conversed with me after finding out I'm 17. I just don't know what to do or how to feel anymore. We met once and I want to meet him again... At his place. Not for sex. I want to know him deeper and have a closer relationship. Hes not a pedophile. Hes not a bad guy.
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Like I said last night, the fact that you need to seek validation and defend the relationship in this way shows that deep down you are troubled by the age difference and that you have your doubts.
@YoMomma that could very well be true.
PiceousPanda · 26-30, F
@YoMomma h le still wants to know me and meet up. Im not offended that hr wants to protect himself at all... I support it. Nothing to di with that at all
PiceousPanda · 26-30, F
@kayoshin im still 17. Never said i was mature. We have similar minds that work in a common direction but Im still 17. Hes 40.
SW-User
People weren't hating on you yesterday. They were concerned for your well-being. He's older than you. He's stronger than you. He's charming and you have feelings for him, which means he could manipulate you easily if he wanted to. I'm not saying he is. I'm not saying you're stupid. I'm saying you're playing with fire and you're going to get hurt in some capacity sooner or later.

You really need to think about what you're doing. You're posting this, and AFAIK you're meeting him in secret. You must be having doubts. What if you get pregnant? What if you two don't want the same things? What if he suddenly decides he wants more than you're willing to give and he tries to pressure you into something you aren't ready for, but no one knows where you are or what's going on when you need help?

We're just asking that you try to think about this and be responsible. But the way you're misinterpreting what people are saying implies that you've made up your mind and don't truly understand the implications of what you're doing (or worse, you don't care). And in that case, I don't know what you want us to say. If you came here for support and asspats, I'm sorry.
SW-User
@SW-User yes, exactly. Well said.
DreamingOfSummer · 26-30, F
Where are you from? I don't know about other countries but in the US, 17 is at or above the legal age of consent. So he's not facing any kind of legal issues unless he's in a position of power like your teacher or your coach.
bhatjc · 46-50, M
@DreamingOfSummer I agree with you. It's just looks grey to some people
SW-User
I’m in your age group so I have to say that this has more red flags than a Chinese military parade:
-He’s pursuing you even when he knows you’re a minor
-He’s an active risk taker
-He’s meeting you at his place and you’re saying it’s not for sex, so is he inviting you for some tea?
-You keep defending him inspite of what he’s doing
This has a very high chance of ending like a CSI episode, I hope you think hard about this and cut all contact with this man
SW-User
But aren’t you creeped out by the fact that someone his age is seeking out a teenager like you?
PiceousPanda · 26-30, F
@SW-User Not really... He's not a creep lol
bhatjc · 46-50, M
@SW-User Issues their
AliceMortem · 31-35, F
I am dating an older man but I'd say because of your age it's a bit risky, and it appears that rightfully he is unsure about what to do and uncomfortable in persuing a relationship at this stage
PiceousPanda · 26-30, F
@AliceMortem i support ehatever decision he chooses to makem currently he still wants to get to know me. So i guess im lucky
AliceMortem · 31-35, F
@PiceousPanda be careful. Older men have a lot more experience with women/relationships and therefore are much better manipulators. He may seem great now but I have been in many a relationship that started like this where the man turned out to be toxic
Straylight · 31-35, F
I agree that no one needs to be rude about it. Just understand there are a lot of people here who were sexually abused and this story may raise some red flags for us.
Bluesky52 · 61-69, M
i messeged you,i prefer to inbox,,,,
bhatjc · 46-50, M
just wait till you are older.
Send us wedding pics!!
YoMomma ·
He can't be with you because it's ilegal for him now that he knows your actual age..

Chill your bones and stop being unreasonable. Not to mention a liar..

You could get him into serious trouble like jail/prison records and lose his whole life because of your age if he was with you.

Hence his protecting himself.
PiceousPanda · 26-30, F
@YoMomma i know that which is why i told him before we met. I would never get him in trouble at all... Im not offended that hes protecting himself. I'm 100% fine with that. Just tell him I have no interest in threatening his safety or allowing anything to happen. Im very paranoid myself... I could never live with myself if something happened to him. I know i lied which is why i realized i had to tell the truth regardless if he wanted to continue to talk to me or not
YoMomma ·
@PiceousPanda i don't think you're comprehending the situation completely fyi

Be more considerate of others and not just yourself and also don't lie to people in the first place . It's uncool
PiceousPanda · 26-30, F
@YoMomma i do. Again i lied i apologixef snd he forgave me. But he still wants to get to know me snd meet me.
This message was deleted by the author of the main post.
PiceousPanda · 26-30, F
@NunIover i look nothing like a kid
YoMomma ·
@NunIover well obviously he did (walk away when he knew her actual age) hence her post here 😬
PiceousPanda · 26-30, F
@YoMomma he didnt walk away. He just contolled his language and was stilling willing to meet me anstill wants to get to know me.

 
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