I think you as an adult have to work out your own attitude to alcohol. Is alcohol a bad thing or is it something else that is the bad thing but it is caused by abuse of alcohol or is something else there? Once you have clarified your own values - they may change, they may not, but you’ll be clear on them, they will be your values.

Then decide on what promises your husband have made to you are most important and which ones are less important.

That should clarify how important the alcohol promise is for you.

Is it import enough to cause the fighting in your relationship or the knots in your chest?

What are the ways your husband shows he loves you?

What are the ways you show him you love him?

Best of luck in this.

Addictions are hard to quit.. he will quit when he is ready.. if ever.. there's nothing you can do about it .. certainly not stressing about it like you are .. you have to accept that that's who he is for now.. not who you wanted him to be.. or you can take a hard stance and say No. when he wants a beer.. remind him he promised you.. also it's bad for his health if he has a high risk liver.. so he can say no to other people if he wants.. that he's doing what's best for himself and his health and not because you are compelling him and wearing the pants in the family..

I think you should show your husband this post. He really needs to know all the negative feelings you have when he drinks. He needs to understand and remember that he made a promise to you when you married, and that he is allowing peer pressure to make him break his promise.

That being said, you can NOT control another human being. It isn't good, and it isn't right. If you are truly, truly SO miserable that your husband drinks, like 6 times a year, you should talk about going to see a marriage counselor.

I can see both sides to this. It doesn't seem that harmful if he isn't drinking frequently and isn't drinking to inebriation.

But also, he did make a promise and it appears he looks for excuses to break it. Most friends will be understanding if you tell them you do not drink. Claiming that the family is taunting him into drinking is BS. Is he a man or is he a child that taunting is effective against him. It's more embarrassing that he gets taunted into it. Which makes it seem like he's looking for an excuse.

There isn't an easy answer to this one

Number one, stop controlling him. Make your position clear and let him decide what he has to do.
Number two, just because you weren’t raised around alcohol, doesn’t mean it’s a poison.

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