I think I need some help
I come from a family where drinking alcohol is seen as a bad thing. My father and uncles have never drunk in front of me, though they did have their fair share of drinking before marriage. They all quit once they got married. So I have never seen any relative drink in 30 years. Because of this, we kids never felt the need to drink to have fun. We had as much fun as we liked without a drop of alcohol. Its possible.
As fate would have it, all the friends I made in school and college have been non- drinkers. As I startwd working I met colleagues who would drink but theyre not my core circle and it never bothered me when they drank in office parties etc.
Then I got married. My husband told me before he got married that he drank and partied a lot when he was younger and now he feels the need to quit as he felt the alcohol was slowing his body down. And since I was a non drinker who preferred to be married to a non drinker, he said he would quit altogether.
Its been more than 2 years since we married. In the beginning he would say that as a bachelor he drank every weekend and ita because he loves me so much that he has stopped.
Once in a while he would say he wanted to relax with a beer or 2. He would ask me whether I was okay with it.
It used to put me in such a fix. Since I am a Catholic, I know my religion does not forbid drinking as long as its not an addiction. So I cannot object.
I would say its okay but every time I would see the alcohol bottles he would bring, it triggered me. And I would get upset. As far as I am concerned my husband told me he would quit drinking.
Then when some friends offer drinks apparently he finds it rude to refuse. I hate to see him drink but I say nothing when his friends are there though he lnows my state of mind well. I tell him personally.
Once some friends called us and decided to serve some rum. A part of me knows its not a big deal. No ome gets drunk or loses control. Its just a friendly chitchat. A part of me wants to be understanding and not stress my husband out. The other half is disappointed that my husband is not sticking to his promise to me that he wont drink. Also, he has a health condition which makea his liver more delicaye than others. He is supposed to refrain from alcohol because of his condition. I guess I was feeling some pride in being the wife that turn towards a more healthy way of life. And now I am disappointed that I cant say with pride "my husband does not drink." Last year he drank about 6 times and never got drunk. I know its not much and I am trying to be okay with it but its hard for me to loosen up on this front.
I wonder what my family would think: and I just am uncomfortable when my husband drinks (I dont care what anyone else does.) But I see my husband as my own body and deep down its ingrained in me that alcohol is bad. So I cannot bear to see him drink. I lnow I am being rigid but I dont know how to work on this.
This christmas we visited his part of the family and there were some plans veing made by the cousins to drink. And everyone sstarted making remarks about how my husband has become a saint, how he is growing in his wifes shadow, whether his wife is okay with it.
He says these are taunts and wants to put an end to it. And wants to drink to put an end to this. It makes me enraged that others have to taunt my husband and pressure him. It angers me that he cant stay true to himself and me because of the remarks of people we meet once a year.
Everytime this topic comes up, it feels like a knot in mt chest. I hate it and I dont know what to do. One part of me wants to let go and not be so rigid and give my husband anxiety by fighting about it all the time. The other half wants him to be mindful of his health and his wife's wishes and stick to the promise he made me before marrying.
What should I do?
As fate would have it, all the friends I made in school and college have been non- drinkers. As I startwd working I met colleagues who would drink but theyre not my core circle and it never bothered me when they drank in office parties etc.
Then I got married. My husband told me before he got married that he drank and partied a lot when he was younger and now he feels the need to quit as he felt the alcohol was slowing his body down. And since I was a non drinker who preferred to be married to a non drinker, he said he would quit altogether.
Its been more than 2 years since we married. In the beginning he would say that as a bachelor he drank every weekend and ita because he loves me so much that he has stopped.
Once in a while he would say he wanted to relax with a beer or 2. He would ask me whether I was okay with it.
It used to put me in such a fix. Since I am a Catholic, I know my religion does not forbid drinking as long as its not an addiction. So I cannot object.
I would say its okay but every time I would see the alcohol bottles he would bring, it triggered me. And I would get upset. As far as I am concerned my husband told me he would quit drinking.
Then when some friends offer drinks apparently he finds it rude to refuse. I hate to see him drink but I say nothing when his friends are there though he lnows my state of mind well. I tell him personally.
Once some friends called us and decided to serve some rum. A part of me knows its not a big deal. No ome gets drunk or loses control. Its just a friendly chitchat. A part of me wants to be understanding and not stress my husband out. The other half is disappointed that my husband is not sticking to his promise to me that he wont drink. Also, he has a health condition which makea his liver more delicaye than others. He is supposed to refrain from alcohol because of his condition. I guess I was feeling some pride in being the wife that turn towards a more healthy way of life. And now I am disappointed that I cant say with pride "my husband does not drink." Last year he drank about 6 times and never got drunk. I know its not much and I am trying to be okay with it but its hard for me to loosen up on this front.
I wonder what my family would think: and I just am uncomfortable when my husband drinks (I dont care what anyone else does.) But I see my husband as my own body and deep down its ingrained in me that alcohol is bad. So I cannot bear to see him drink. I lnow I am being rigid but I dont know how to work on this.
This christmas we visited his part of the family and there were some plans veing made by the cousins to drink. And everyone sstarted making remarks about how my husband has become a saint, how he is growing in his wifes shadow, whether his wife is okay with it.
He says these are taunts and wants to put an end to it. And wants to drink to put an end to this. It makes me enraged that others have to taunt my husband and pressure him. It angers me that he cant stay true to himself and me because of the remarks of people we meet once a year.
Everytime this topic comes up, it feels like a knot in mt chest. I hate it and I dont know what to do. One part of me wants to let go and not be so rigid and give my husband anxiety by fighting about it all the time. The other half wants him to be mindful of his health and his wife's wishes and stick to the promise he made me before marrying.
What should I do?
26-30, F
