Just trying to understand how people process matters of the heart....

Good question, for me having been in an abusive relationship, I first had to learn as much as possible to understand them, why they were the way they are, I spent years researching before I even ended it, this helped me prepare myself and how he’d react.

Then after I avoided the healing process by using different coping mechanisms to avoid the feelings and pain I felt, this just prolonged it, I then spent a good two years just feeling it all, I went into isolation and pushed pretty much everyone away from me.

I had to deal with childhood trauma and healing from a lot of stuff, I spoke to people that hurt me growing up as a kid.
This gave me a lot of closure, it was probably beginning of this year I started to feel great again.

It all changed me for the best, I’m glad I went through it all and believe everything happens for a reason looking back.

The first was the hardest for me. I broke it off because his former de facto had returned, demanded he choose between us, and he said he couldn't choose and wanted to drown himself.
I was profoundly depressed for six months afterwards.
The pain acted like an innoculation. I never again gave my heart with such abandon, never again felt that incredible high of being in-love with a person, the whole world, with life itself.
I did form other serial, one-at-a-time, long term relationships, the last being my current mate of 42 years -- but it's friendship and companionship, nothing romantic about it. And I've decided that's a better way to live.

Hm. Just time. My early circumstances combined with my nature resulted in the habit of keeping my emotions close and guarded. I’m used to the weight of them, compartmentalizing, and processing over time. I cry when I need to cry. Have a funk when I need a funk. The older I’ve gotten, the more my brain seems trained to even my scales, point out silver linings, take comfort in beauties and joys and their independence of me. Pain is as transitory as everything else in this life.

I coped with my marriage ending VERY well, until I moved to Michigan and everything just HIT me all at once. I didn't want to get out of bed. I lay there with my eyes closed, and felt as though I was at the bottom of a deep, deep hole.

I have a good imagination, and after about one day of this, my mind's eye looked up, and I could see a bearded man peering down at me over the rim of the hole. He was dressed like ancient people dressed. And I thought I knew who he was.

I went from feeling like I wanted to die, and as though no one in the world cared about me, back to wanting to live. All because that man cared enough to come and see where I had hidden myself. All because ONE person actually cared...even if I could only see him in my imagination. (Pssst...I thought he was Jesus).

After that, I went on with my life. I tried to get back together with the ex...because I had developed amnesia about our life together, and that was a huge messed up mistake. I went through a time when I thought that only by finding another man to love could I be happy again, and instead I learned that there are lots of worse things than being lonely.

It took a long time, but I have achieved happiness living alone, and, in fact, I am GRATEFUL for the peace I was given thereby.

I think we simply have to accept the idea that there will be a period of time during which the pain seems unbearable, when it seems that the pain will last forever, when it seems there is no escape from it.

But eventually that abates, if for no other reason than it is mentally and emotionally too exhausting to maintain that kind of focus.

Gradually, we are open to the other things and other people in our lives that cause us joy.

That doesn't mean that we necessarily come to minimize the hurt (although, we might do that if we gain new perspective on it). But the pain dulls, and we are able to incorporate the experience into our lives as we move on.

And until that happens, things just....hurt.

Time heals all hurts. Or you cease to exist.

There will always be the scars, seen or unseen, as evidence.

Cause and effect prevails.

Life is change.

Im just waiting to die. I am not as bad as i used to be but hope it happens before I get worse.