@Bluestarsteve I'm fine thank you. Just having a conversation with my partner about this. Since he has a friend that has a very codependent relationship with him..

@Rumination in a relationship I like to talk but most importantly observe. What you sell me in the beginning is what I expect going forward.
So that means if you're selling yourself like a gentleman I expect very little deviation from that.

My downfall my be that I like to give people the benefit of the don't and I don't pull you up on it the first time. But if I see a pattern I will discuss and take on board the reasoning.

This now sets the tone for what's going to happen going forward.

I'm not in to tit for tat. So my decision is usually can I cope with this, is this temporary or should I just cut and run.

It's not about grudge holding, it's more about self preservation.

As a young woman I don't feel like time is on my side.
So the healthiest thing for me is to keep it moving, in whatever shape or form that may be.

*Staying true to yourself is the key to happiness.*

@Mellowgirl I don’t think your expectations are too high. Simply asking for follow-through from someone who is going to be with you for the rest of your life

When my wife and I started getting close, we agreed we loved exactly how our relationship was going. But that if things started to surface that we found uncomfortable, we’d go our separate ways before it ruined what we had. Tons stayed the same. So we decided to move in together to test being a blended family with the same commitment; if it didn’t work, we’d go our separate ways

We got married this year

What I learned was, we kept everything out in the open and we both knew exactly what we were getting and it has worked out beautifully

@Rumination congratulations to you both.
I think it's good to have an open friendship and from that you can build a very healthy relationship with realistic expectations of one another.

I'm not entirely sure this is really understood.

@SW-User I'm with you on this. It causes unnecessary confusion...

@DeWayfarer I don't know is a frustrating phrase to keep hearing.
And it takes time for the person under those circumstances to come to the realisation that if they want to move forward despite the cards they were previously dealt they need to start figuring out why they don't know and how they can learn to know.
It's harsh but noone in this life can tell you how to live. There's no book with the divine answer.

I can only assume this person was young and pretty much still in the thick of their trauma.

Your relationship was a distraction to dealing with the pain.

I'm sorry this happened to you both.
If I came across harsh that wasn't my intention.
I hope that life has presented better things to you as time has gone on.

@Mellowgirl we both were young and in our early twenties. And I was the one that got her out of a different abusive relationship a few years previously.

I'm not indecisive. She was in everything but marriage. I WILL NOT force sex on ANYONE. Because of my past experiences.

Doing so after her saying "I don't know..." would be to me no better than rape.

Consent is paramount in such cases.

@DeWayfarer you made the best choices you could at the time.
And you had the right mind to think about your actions.

Speaks volumes... 👍🏾

@GeistInTheMachine it's sad. I just don't understand where we've gone so wrong.
Your grandfather probably had to make some real tough decisions and sacrifices along the way but at least you can all look back and say he was honourable.

That's a big deal. At least on my book.

@Mellowgirl Exactly! It's modern globalist hyper-corporate society. It has eroded values and social, family cohesion.

@SpiritSkye I hear you. X

@simjks4 probably as it's coming from a place of defence... To what was perceived as offence.

@OlderSometimesWiser this young man in question in 28. And he comes across very immature. This isn't the Mr nice guy issue. This is more of a, I make a decision the road gets tough now I need someone to hold my hand and stroke my ego because it's not going exactly to plan. And if I don't get that then I'll just give up completely.
Then my boyfriend comes running to his rescue.
My view of him from my perspective is that he's wishy washy, and he struggles to see that his behaviour could potentially be self sabotaging and also make others lose faith in him including his girlfriend.
I'm not always the best at articulating my words so it can come across harsh. But this behaviour to me is a massive killer in my level of respect for him.

@Mellowgirl Does sound more like immaturity and a lack of self confidence rather than a question of male versus female characteristics. Wishy washiness in either sex is not an admirable thing. It would be his unwillingness to examine his behavior and make changes despite continuing to cause damage that would make me lose respect for him.

@OlderSometimesWiser agreed 💯

@Aysel I don't always have the best way of expressing my words and I think had I articulated it the way you did would have made more sense.
I also think because the conversation was surrounding my boyfriends codependent friend he automatically gets defensive.
I just feel at 28 years old he needs to start trying to figure out what he really wants for himself in life.

@Mellowgirl You articulated very well. I concur, but unfortunately, some people are just too set in their ways. I'm sure they will get it eventually.

@Aysel fingers crossed because it's getting really boring hearing the drama that surrounds this person. And my boyfriend feels the need to keep cleaning up after him even at the detriment of his own well being at times.

@DazzaTheHutt I agree so wasting time is not an option

@Futuremirror don't know what to say to this...
Modern social behaviour requires a man to know he's own mind otherwise he'll be lead up the garden path, the same applies for women

@TIstillwaitinggsc69 my partner said to me it was a very old school sexist view.

@eyeno haha 😅.
Til this day my mum is like this. She talks and talks about all the things she needs and is going to do..
But 4 years later for example nothings changed.
Now when she talks I either shut her down or let it's pass though my ears.

@Mellowgirl being its your mom I'd do the same.

Everything from a wishy-washy persons mouth is nonsense and not worth paying attention to.