Do I still love my ex?

My advice is to cut contact completely. Will make moving on less difficult. Sounds like what you love is who you wish he was and what you wish would have been. That’s just not reality and is only going to keep you stuck.

I went through the same thing with my X-GF. I had this thought that maybe something would happen that would bring us back together again. I dated another lady and then failed at sex because it felt like I was cheating. Meanwhile, my X was dating other guys all over the place and had long forgotten about me.
I ended up moving out of the country where her influence did not affect me, and then my life returned to normal.

I can tell you that a big break up leaves you conflicted. If things weren't so great it actually helps. Sometimes you don't really realize that it wasn't so great. An abusive relationship can be that way. It's only when you step away from it that you realize all of what was not right. I can tell you I had a huge break up and when I was able to gain perspective, I realized that it was the best thing that could've happened to me.

Either way you may not be ready. There's nothing wrong with that. And it may have nothing to do with whether you're still hooked on your ex or not.

Sounds to me like you were in love with the fantasy of what you thought your ex and your relationship was - but not actually your ex or the relationship. You’ve answered your own questions by knowing you don’t still want to be together.

You’ll move on when you are ready. Grieving is the same no matter if it was for something real or something imagined.

Good luck. Stay strong.

Yeah I get this. I feel similar about my soon to be ex-wife. I was with her half my life at 24 years, and married for just over 20. Three kids and all, it’s just not easy to like shut off. I’m slowly moving forward but it’s hard because as bad as she had treated me, it had become comfortable and all of this is definitely very uncomfortable.

Dating requires a massive amount of energy. For me, I've been single 3 years to try put myself back together after my last bad break up. You can take all the time you need to feel ready, ain't no one press-gagging you into dating.

Can't rush recovery, as the docs say. I'd see a therapist personally if its too much of a burden.

You should start out by losing his number and block him from your social media.

Sounds harsh, but you need it.

Then talk to a therapist, and get out there and find some friends outside of your "common" group.