Love & Attraction

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If a man cheats on his wife?

And says he isn’t attracted to the other woman anymore, is he lying? Does attraction just disappear?

SweetBee · 26-30, F

I just went through this and still healing from it. I asked my husband many times if he was still attracted to her and he kept saying no. I believed him. But as the months passed by (now it’s been 2 years) I see here and there that he looks her up. And I’ve asked many times if he’s not attracted to her then why he looks for her. So no, it doesn’t just disappear. Currently, I careless about him. I can’t stand him sometimes. He’s changed me completely and I hate him for that. Why am I still with him? We just had a bby. But eventually I’ll find my way out of this relationship. Sorry I ended up venting. But the same questions and thoughts you have, I had. (Just yesterday I seen his search history , and surely he looked her up on July,I was pregnant…lucky him I don’t love him like I used to. So it honestly didn’t hurt me, and also it didn’t surprised me). Some men are sick and selfish.

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summerlove · 31-35, F

@SweetBee I can’t wait for that feeling too. He broke me as a person. All the lies and betrayal. I don’t want to love him anymore. He said he told his wife and his family about the cheating but a part of me doesn’t believe him. I think I just need some type of closure. The last thing I said to him was how much I hate him through text and how much he hurt me and he didn’t reply to that so I just feel like I have no closure and I just feel sad.

PepsiColaP

@summerlove sometimes we get no closure. We need to learn to be okay with that . Maybe you have told yourself that that is all you need to feel better,only to postpone the hurt you will experience either way. Just let it happen. Closure or no closure. Let it happen ,that is all the closure you need.

Baremine · 70-79, C

@SweetBee as are some women. I works both ways.

Fairydust · F

Men lie, many don’t expect to get caught, then they keep lying to save themselves, sorry you’re going through this.

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Carissimi · F

Same here. I was abroad for several weeks, dealing with a serious family issue, and he begged me to come home. He said he’d cleaned the whole house, and had my favorite food in. I arrived home exhausted late at night to a messy house, and no food. 🤷‍♀️ @Fairydust

Fairydust · F

@Carissimi

Sad isn’t it, I’ll never understand it, you just lose trust and once that’s gone you just don’t see them the same.

Shorethingbabe1 · F

@Carissimi theyre very weird and creepy too

Muthafukajones · 46-50, M

Men compartmentalize sex.

I cheated on my long term gf. The other woman was a nothing more than a socket I used for entertainment. I felt very badly that I hurt my gfs feeling so badly. I tried to make it up to her and she forgave me. I assured her the other woman meant nothing to me at all and that she had nothing to ever fear that I would ever leave her. I apologized for being immature and greedy. I made many overtures to rebuild the relationship. I think it worked. I was eventually forgiven.

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Muthafukajones · 46-50, M

@summerlove You can’t go back. He’s your husband? There is no being friends. He ends it completely and forgets about that other woman. It’s up to you if you want him around in some capacity but friends doesn’t seem like enough.

summerlove · 31-35, F

@Muthafukajones I was the other woman. He never told me he was married. I found out and confronted him about it.

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ChadJNSD · 18-21, M

I don’t know for sure. All I know is, I make women cheat on their husbands. After I am done, they can tell him they were never attracted to me, it’s all good. I move on to the next woman. 😄

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ChadJNSD · 18-21, M

@Baremine Couldn’t care less.

calicuz · 56-60, M

@ChadJNSD

Baremine · 70-79, C

@ChadJNSD that's alright but one of these days you may run into a jealous husband that will put and end to your shit.

4meAndyou · F

😢😢😢 I feel SO badly for you. Yes, unless he is receiving chemical castration treatments, or is gay, he is lying his balls off. Men are very nearly ruled by their own testosterone, and they will always feel lust for other women if the right elements are there.

Aysel · F

I'm not sure, but I'd have a hard time believing him because I don't have much faith in people.

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SW-User

He is lying. And if he could still screw her without getting caught...he would.

Northwest · M

Looks like, despite knowing the guy is married, you're still hoping he would leave his wife/family for you.

He's a cheater, and he will find a lot of women attractive, and will try to cheat if he can away with it.

At some point, when he convinces his wife that it meant nothing, he will try to contact you again.

He lied to you, but now you know, and the ball is in your court.

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

Whether he's attracted to her or not is unlikely to be the issue.
What you want to know is why he cheated in the first place !

It's unlikely that he sees her as 'the ideal woman' because even younger men know that's unlikely to ever exist !
So is there something she has that he was attracted to ?
Or was she 'an escape' from whatever led him to her in the first place ?

YourMomsSecretCrush · M

chances are, he is lying. but, i cant say for sure, because he may not have even been attracted to her in the first place. there are some men..... and women too....... who can have sex with someone without being attracted to them.

calicuz · 56-60, M

Yes, it could have been that "he had to have her," and nothing more. It may have been a sexual urge that needed to be fulfilled and there were no emotions to begin with.

496sbc · 36-40, M

First if a man cheats he is piece of shit. Break it off or tell her why. Dont cheat. This is what turns ladies sour against men. Or stay single.

SW-User

Ofc you can't be attracted always to a single person...Attraction to many person happens.But love?It comes only on a very few ones.Attraction is like how you crave for KFC wings and once your full you're not going to take another piece.But does it mean you don't like it?No.You are going to come back to it afterwards again and again and the cycle repeats.This is how you sustain relationship.Based on love,trust and loyalty...and not on attraction and sex.In no way should a woman/man cheating be empathized with.

Shorethingbabe1 · F

Hes not interested in you. This question is very airheaded cominh from a 31-35 year old. Grow up , get some self respect, stop being to insecure and get therapy for your trauma

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Carissimi · F

Well, aren’t you the compassionate one! You need to get a heart. @Shorethingbabe1

SW-User

@Shorethingbabe1 this is just some dickhead alt. Block and forget.

Anton · 61-69, M

No, he could be over her but because he was with her may look her up just because he is inquisitive. Normally when men are really over a relationship he really is. Fed up, tired of her or even bored with her. Still, if the wife he cheated on forgave him and he went back to her, he really need to get his mind straight and start treating his wife as his wife and be faithful to her.