Asking
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Social Media and relationships; My boyfriend keeps following new women on his social media accounts. Am I wrong for not being okay with this?

We’ve been dating for 2 months— I’m a bit introverted and he’s anything but. He’s very social and welcoming to conversation and making new friends but I cannot understand why he feels the continuous need to add them on social media. Whenever we are out and we meet a couple, he has ME add the women we meet—so I’m not understanding why he’s so comfortable adding these “friends” (is what he calls the 1000 people he follows on social media).

Thing about me is, I don’t believe men and women can genuinely be platonic friends. I think it’s very, very rare to meet a man who isn’t waiting for the opportunity to overstep that platonic boundary.

Maybe I’m just insecure… while I recognize the woman I am, I can’t help but feel that these actions are threatening to where I stand (terrible, I know). But my excuse is that this is still fresh and still unwraveling, and perhaps we can some to some sort of understanding… even after the 5th conversation regarding this same topic.

I just need some reassurance, really. I wish I didn’t lack the confidence to trust in myself even though I kind of already know what answers to expect.

I’ve heard tons of excuses why guys do it. But I believe if you are in a committed relationship you should respect your partner and their wishes, and is it really TOO MUCH or UNREALISTIC to ask that your boyfriend avoid doing such? I mean, I know he wouldn’t be comfortable with me “hanging out” with other men, so why should I be okay with him following other women on social media?

Part of me sees it as guys being immature and those guys in general do not respect women as people and simply view these women as objects. (But maybe it’s not that deep, idk)

It’s a habit that guys form that can turn into an addiction.

Social media and the internet have ruined relationships today for the most part. You don’t see people getting married and staying together for decades any longer. It’s unfortunate I think.

* We accept things that should not be simply because something exists. *
Top | New | Old
Trekker · 56-60, M
Having friends is normal, regardless of gender. It's very possible to have platonic friends with others. I don't think that invalidates your feeling though jealousy is rooted in insecurity and ultimately I think that's up to you to figure out.

If it is a big deal for you, then you should set clear boundaries of what is acceptable and not so he can make his decisions.

I gave up female friends for my ex when she got jealous. It didn't fix anything in the marriage. It was not the right decision but I was trying everything to make her happy. The thing is... It wasn't my friendships with others that was the problem. In the end, it left me without a support network when I needed one.

I don't understand extravert adding thousands of people to social media account. But he's with you and it doesn't seem like he's chatting with all the girls he's met over the years. If it's important to you, then talk to him about it. If it's not acceptable to you, then make sure he knows that.

I may not agree with you, but I do think you define what is right for you. If he doesn't agree ... Then you should both know so you can make informed decisions.
HannibalAteMeOut · 26-30, F
If adding them was platonic then that would mean that he's also adding men at the same rate. It's not a matter of insecurity within yourself, honestly if I was in a relationship and my partner was adding all these people I'd be embarrassed on his behalf. Imagine a random guy adding you and he follows 1000+ people with the greatest percentage being women, you wouldn't take him seriously. And yes it's objectifying, he just adds them to look at them. You're not crazy for feeling weird about it.
I think context is important here. When I first got together with my husband I had a similar issue. In hindsight I was pretty immature about it. He works with mostly women and is very extroverted. Always meeting people at conferences and things. I haven’t checked his social media list for years I don’t really care these days. Conversely I now work with a team of all males and realised I quite often prefer those friendships.
However I have a friend whose partner was also doing this and it seemed to be women he’d met on nights out They broke up over it. I guess it just depends what’s right for you and if there are other red flags that might mean he isn’t that faithful.
Carissimi · F
The fact he asks you to add these women you meet is strange to me. Surely, it’s up to you who you want to add as a friend.

Apart from this, and as someone else mentioned, its only been 2-months, so he should be more focused on you than other women. You are still new to him, and if he is still “looking,” then you are not the one for him, and conversely, you don’t want someone like him. I’m sorry.
PhilDeep · 51-55, M
Hmm. Isn't there a Swingers Guidebook, like The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy that covers the tips for this kind of scenario?
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
SW-User
There is a lot going on in this post!!
The main thing that strikes me is the lack of enough communication and mutual understanding between you and your boyfriend. Two months is still a very new relationship so I hope you can talk with him more and try to sort out your feelings, and your expectations. It is possible that he isn't right for you, but it's also possible that you can come to a clearer understanding.
Tracos · 56-60, M
why be bothered if he looks at the menu, but eats at home?
VampireQueen · 26-30, F
I don’t think a guy adding a woman on social media is a problem. But if he keeps doing it over and over and over again, yeah I think you have a good reason to be concerned.

Over the course of my life I think I have only ever met one man who has ever wanted to be just platonic friends with me. Most men are waiting to overstep that platonic boundary. It’s extremely rare to meet a man that isn’t like that. So yes I think your concern is valid and you should have a talk with him about it. Especially so early into the relationship.
MarineBob · 61-69, M
Do you trust him?
HairbrushDiva · 36-40, F
I believe men and women can genuinely be platonic friends. I think you are insecure.
DaveE54 · 56-60, M
Have you told him how it makes you feel? Ask him how he would feel if you started following loads of new guys?
Strawbsy · 26-30, F
Hey !! Im sorry im a lazy person so i didn’t read the whole thing but… lemme say my piece ! If he adds girls he doesn’t know or barely knows, thats when id get worried. He sounds like an attention seeker. Outsider’s pov. Im not saying i cant be wrong
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
You don't need a reason not to like it. That's totally up to you.

I have a few platonic women friends(they're the best), but I fully understand that some women(and men) cannot accept the opposite sex friends thing. Fortunately, my gf is ok with it.
Khenpal1 · M
yes, you are totally unsecure
BigBulge · 46-50, M
You've been dating for only 2 months, and you want to keep him all for yourself. You don't want him to have any friends. You are creating a problem where none exists. Jealousy is an incurable mental disorder.
You are not wrong and he is crazy for not giving you his total attention. .
SkeetSkeet · 100+, F
Start adding a bunch of dudes
Khenpal1 · M
GoFish ·
Dump him asap. . he's an unloyal creep

 
Post Comment