Any tips how to not panic on date?

I have given up several possible good guys or dates due to fear. I feel like an imposter..they may see my outer shell of being light or laid back, but they dont know the extent anxiety has had in my life. I feel I'll be letting them down when they find out. How can I feel good on a date when I am not offering a whole person? Any tips on how not to panic on a date, thinking Im not enough? I fear Ill get so nervous I will have to leave🥺

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M

just let it all out, if you feel anxiety and don't know why just say to your date " I had anxiety all day, i don't know why, I get so nervous before a first date". that's what I do anyway. if I don't hide anything there is no anxiety about what might show or not show, I show it all, they either like it or not. better they get a full picture now than in 6 months so they can decide now if they like what they see. no point in hiding your less shiny side only for them to discover those sides of you and realize they don't like it.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@reflectingmonkey Thanks, reflecting. I feel like Im at such a disadvantage saying already how nervous I am when seeing a guy. Although maybe it will cut any nerves for both of us. However for me, its not simply anxiety..Im petrified. I feel an imposter because while at first I may seem laid back, I fear they would ditch me after hearing "No" to certain social outings. I get anxiety with travel, crowded areas etc. I feel Im presenting someone who is really not a catch. :(

reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M

@Coralmist the person who is right for you is the person that you can be yourself with and stays. I'm a sensitive person, anyone who knows me well has seen me cry. I own it, its who I am. I probably lost some people who coudn't deal with that but I pr3efer to just own it because the people who ARE around me are the people who have seen who I am and stayed. being yourself is the perfect test to know if you are meant to be together. if you have a bunch of irrational fears, own it, live it, express it, those that stick around will be your kind of people.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@reflectingmonkey Thats true, just being our REAL selves should be OK for others. But, I fear i will internalize if a guy ditches me because of my anxiety..that Ill say "yep, you arent worth dating or affection. " but, some here at SW, have told me some guys LIKE not going out too much!! And they would be patient. Now how to find is the dilemma lol. Thank you, friend. Saying that being myself is the real test, rang true. 🌿

reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M

@Coralmist other people have insecurities, if you let yourself be the way you are guys that also have insecurities will see you as a good place to open up. you want some to just leave, you have to weed out those that don't fit with the real you. some will fit, I am sure of it.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@reflectingmonkey I really appreciate your tips and reply. Thanks again ,Reflecting🐞