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Should I stay with my boyfriend

Last year my partner was sexting with this girl on social media. He proudly told all his friends and family about it and I caught him and confronted him. His brother even encourages him to not be loyal. So whenever he talks to his brother I feel on edge. He didn’t meet up with this girl in person but he did message her about wanting her and this was crossing a boundary for me. I considered this cheating. We had a rough patch but decided to stay together. At the time when he cheated, he logged out of his accounts and changed his passwords. I feel as if to this day I still get triggered or something because whenever he changes a password or logs out of an account not I feel some type of way inside. I feel as if I need to quickly go search for someone I can have a relationship with incase something is happening again. (It hasn’t happened again except for that one time). I have a fear of being lonely so I’m not sure if that adds to it too. I keep wondering if this is healthy or normal in a relationship, to keep worrying every time something is changed or logged out. I try to stop caring but it gives me anxiety. It’s my first relationship and we’ve been together for 8 years and we’re both in our 20’s. I feel if we were to break up it would be too much for me emotionally at this point in my life. I don’t know if I could handle the emotional pain right now.
Fairydust · F
No.
You should end it, sounds like he’s causing you the anxiety, look into codependency.
Fifidog · 26-30, F
@Fairydust thank you for your advice and support. I appreciate it. In my future relationships how do I set up boundaries?
Fairydust · F
@Fifidog you don’t allow anyone to treat you bad, respect you, any red flags then you end it. You don’t need people like that in your life. Only date people that have your back. Want the best for you.
I have been there and know how it feels.
Fairydust · F
https://fb.watch/dHyfI1oAMw/
morrgin · F
Imagine a relationship with someone else where there is trust, support, fun, and love. Those relationships are out there and you will never have these things with the one you are in a relationship with now. You are wasting years on a dead end relationship. You can never get those wasted years back. Live your best life and surround yourself with people who love, respect, and appreciate you.
@Fifidog I recommend you seek a therapist. Once trust and respect are broken consider the relationship over. Your partner has already made plans to move on despite your outlook on the relationship. If he cheated once, he'll do it again with a better method to avoid getting caught. These relationship traits never have a happy ending.
Fifidog · 26-30, F
@Souls that’s a very food point thank you. Do you think a one time cheater will ever change or will they continue doing it in their next relationship?
@Fifidog "once a cheater, always a cheater," is just a phrase but if you and your partner have communication and infidelity issues it would be wise to ask how much remorse do they feel? do they take responsibility for their actions? have they forgiven themselves? what have they learned about themselves as a result of the cheating? how do they define fidelity? how committed are they to practicing fidelity? what are the things they do now to ensure they stay in their integrity?
Diotrephes · 70-79, M
@Fifidog, you are a young woman and your boyfriend is a young man. Chances are neither one of you has had enough sexual partners to commit to a monogamous relationship. In today's America it usually takes16-20+ flings before you are ready to commit to one person. You may want to write this one off as a training exercise.

Science says this is how many dates you have to go on before you find 'The One'
"The average woman will kiss 15 men, enjoy two long-term relationships and have her heartbroken twice before she meets 'The One', a study has revealed.
Researchers found she will also suffer four disaster dates and be stood up once before she finds one she's happy to stick with.

But she will also have been in love twice, lived with one ex-partner and had four one night stands."
https://www.her.ie/life/whats-your-number-study-finds-the-average-number-of-dates-and-relationships-before-we-find-the-one-90330

edit for clarity
Fifidog · 26-30, F
@Diotrephes how do you know when you find the one?
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ozgirl512 · 26-30, F
Ummm, why would you want to. Are you that insecure?
Yulianna · 26-30, F
you cannot depend on him for anything except pain... cut him off now, before he does you even more damage.

and don't just bounce straight back into another toxic relationship. take some time to recover, to rediscover your true self and your self worth.
Fifidog · 26-30, F
@Yulianna how does one discover who their true self is? I get lonely and bored really really easily
Yulianna · 26-30, F
@Fifidog learn to value your own company, become your own friend, then best friend... don't fall out with yourself! do things that give you pleasure, satisfaction. don't rely on other people.

and as you grow stronger in yourself, you will find that you attract people who will value you for yourself, not just for what you do for them.

it's not easy... but neither is staying the way you are.
If you got to ask then you already know the answer. It doesn't matter what someone says unless you truly are ready and want to move on. Good luck!
Fifidog · 26-30, F
@Souls I’m so confused on what my right answer is because I could be seeing other people but I feel really connected and comfortable with him and we are always together so it’s definitely something I would have to grieve. In the past 2 years I lost 4 close people to me and I don’t know if I can deal with anymore losses emotionally right now.
GunFinger · F
Your relationship is not healthy. You should take care of yourself and go find someone. The length of your relationship doesn't matter. You should have happy life.
masterofyou · 70-79, M
No he is a cheat..... get rid of him....
Fifidog · 26-30, F
What if I’m worried about how I will feel emotionally? @masterofyou
masterofyou · 70-79, M
@Fifidog think how you will feel after you married him and he is still cheating on you.....
So many young women stay with guys that mistreat them. Ive never understood that!
@Fairydust Glad you haveseen the light. Even as far back as high school, girls seemed to prefer a$$holes.
Fairydust · F
@CuriousCutie yep because they charm them lol 😂 it’s all fake.
@Fairydust im convinced that any person that is charismatic is fake, and no good.
WhateverWorks · 36-40
No, it’s not normal or a ‘ tolerable‘ issue in healthy, solid relationships. I think…. It’s important to ask yourself why you guys are even still together other than the time invested and ‘being comfortable’. The reality is that you are familiar with this person, not comfortable. If you were comfortable then you wouldn’t have this anxious distressed feeling on the regular.
SW-User
Yeah to me that's cheating. I don't know what he tells you, but clearly you don't trust him now. Possible he's still doing it. Words are easy peasy and can be used to manipulate, it's the actions that really matter. Best to get out of it and find someone who treats you with care and respect.
Northwest · M
I keep wondering if this is healthy or normal in a relationship

It's pretty normal, if you enjoy being a doormat.

If you don't have a therapist, please get one. You need to get out, but you also need help, and you're not going to get the right kind of help on SW.
SolGryn · 31-35, M
Do what makes you feel right and happy
Boleuskas · M
No, you should not

 
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