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Feeling conflicted

Was on a late night call with a girl I'm dating last night

She was extremely sleepy and apparently got a bit too honest which I didn't mind, but some of the things she said hurt me

She talked about me having to conform to her timezone, and how staying up late isn't sustainable for her (understandable) but she sounded as if it was becoming a burden for her to stay up late and was a little rude/mean about it

She also mentioned about the fun she's going to have on a trip she goes on next week, and talked about how she likes doing an eye-contact thing with random guys in public but she definitely won't act on any of it

The one that really hurt was that she mentioned how she was thinking about this time last year, how she used to go on a lot of dates which were fun- and now she's committing to someone who's far away but she doesn't want to stop having fun. And I'm not sure if I heard this right but it sounded like she was saying just because she's committed doesn't mean she can't stop going out on fun dates

Is this enough for me to start to reconsider dating her, or am I overreacting?

This morning (few minutes ago) she just sent me a text saying that she's sorry for her ill mannered rant last night and she's really sorry I had to see her that way.

I don't even know how to respond or how to feel right now.
somedude15
26-30, M
19 replies 119 views Jun 7, 2022
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Edited: 2 yrs ago
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REMsleep · 41-45, F
My guy. Often times people get their heart broken but its usually because they ignored signs and put up with shit like this.
You meantioned like 10 red flags in one post. Disrespect, commitment issues, excuses for hurtful words and behavior, saying things purposefully in order to have the upper hand.
You shouldn't play second fiddle to anyone's whims.
In this life you will only get the respect that you command and you aren't comming across as someone to be respected.
It sounds like she will break your heart and you are sitting around waiting for it to happen.
Take my advice and move on. Be happy and go where you are truly wanted. A woman won't do and say those things if she is a good upfront girl that truly values you period.
+ 6 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022 · Edited: 2 yrs ago
firefall · 61-69, M
@REMsleep just what was going to say (probably less clearly than you)
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
RosaMarie · 41-45, F
Is there perhaps a middle ground where you open up the relationship for a year? If it is still going after that year, then have a serious talk about your option to move and a stronger commitment. Long distance is hard. Harder on some than on others.

People are giving a lot of knee jerk advice. It may, in the long run, be the right advice. But to break up with her because she opened up to you? I hope not. Use her openness and honesty to continue the conversation. Make time to talk to her when she's at her best. Sounds like earlier for you.

Communication is so vital to a relationship. She's given you an opening. Don't waste it.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
RosaMarie · 41-45, F
@somedude15 Or maybe it won't and a conversation three months down the line will. Communication is an ongoing thing.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
REMsleep · 41-45, F
@RosaMarie My advice which was to advise him to break up definitely wasn't knee jerk.
I was in a 6 year long distance ( outside of my country) relationship. I am now married to him ( 8 years, 14 total together).
Honesty is a must but that Honesty needs to come from respect and love. I did take into consideration that he hasn't been with her all that long. People give way too much energy into People who don't give that same energy back and she said way too many things that made this in my opinion a loosing game. Her words and actions were disrespectful in my opinion.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
RosaMarie · 41-45, F
@REMsleep You gave a long and thought out reply. There were several that called for a break up. It wasn't yours that made me collectively refer to them as knee jerk. I wasn't calling you out generally or specifically. I also still stand by my advise to have open communication with her.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
Ynotisay · M
The reality? A long distance relationship when you're young is really, really hard. And in all honesty it's probably not going to be worth it unless you have a finish line when you plan on being physically together again. If it's just a phone and internet thing you're both cutting yourself off. This is a time in life when experiencing new things and people is on the table. Just my take as an older guy who has had long distance relationships. You need some water under the bridge to make them work. I'm not sure 'work' is the best call at your age. Good luck.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
WhateverWorks · 36-40
I think..it’s important to decide if this long distance thing has any realistic, timely potential of becoming an in person thing.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
somedude15 · 26-30, M
@WhateverWorks it does

I was planning to move across the country to be with her in a year

I just got back from visiting her two weeks ago and she's booked a flight to come here in August

Now, I don't know
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
WhateverWorks · 36-40
I think .. that when someone nonchalantly mentions flirting with other people and casually dating other people, whether they realize it or not, they are also telling you that they’re not ready for a serious relationship or in this case, the realities of a long distance relationship @somedude15
+ 3 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022 · Edited: 2 yrs ago
SW-User
Yeah that all feels odd.
But you know, sometimes we can perceive things differently to what is intended and none of us know her like you do.
Maybe just see if you're able to shake off this conflict.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
Fluffybull · F
She doesn't sound like the person for you, for various reasons.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
markansas
she can't stop going out on fun dates.
this is you . you are the fun date.
my thoughts just roll with it and enjoy and if you want to stop later ya can.
and dating real late at night can effect work . just a thought.
you are young this is your best part of life . be happy
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
PoeticPlay · 51-55, M
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
Zonuss · 41-45, M
Move on.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 7, 2022
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