Feeling conflicted

Was on a late night call with a girl I'm dating last night

She was extremely sleepy and apparently got a bit too honest which I didn't mind, but some of the things she said hurt me

She talked about me having to conform to her timezone, and how staying up late isn't sustainable for her (understandable) but she sounded as if it was becoming a burden for her to stay up late and was a little rude/mean about it

She also mentioned about the fun she's going to have on a trip she goes on next week, and talked about how she likes doing an eye-contact thing with random guys in public but she definitely won't act on any of it

The one that really hurt was that she mentioned how she was thinking about this time last year, how she used to go on a lot of dates which were fun- and now she's committing to someone who's far away but she doesn't want to stop having fun. And I'm not sure if I heard this right but it sounded like she was saying just because she's committed doesn't mean she can't stop going out on fun dates

Is this enough for me to start to reconsider dating her, or am I overreacting?

This morning (few minutes ago) she just sent me a text saying that she's sorry for her ill mannered rant last night and she's really sorry I had to see her that way.

I don't even know how to respond or how to feel right now.

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RosaMarie · 41-45, F

Is there perhaps a middle ground where you open up the relationship for a year? If it is still going after that year, then have a serious talk about your option to move and a stronger commitment. Long distance is hard. Harder on some than on others.

People are giving a lot of knee jerk advice. It may, in the long run, be the right advice. But to break up with her because she opened up to you? I hope not. Use her openness and honesty to continue the conversation. Make time to talk to her when she's at her best. Sounds like earlier for you.

Communication is so vital to a relationship. She's given you an opening. Don't waste it.

ViciDraco · 36-40, M

@RosaMarie so much this.

Being in a relationship is all about communication. You need to discuss what is right for her as well as what is right for yourself. These things don't always align in a lot of relationships. And sometimes they change over time. You need to find where you do not align and then you need to communicate about those. You have generally three paths for each misalignment.

You talk about it and find alignment.

You determine that you can live with this difference.

You determine that you cannot align and cannot live with it. This is where breaking up is probably the best.

Talk it out, find out what is making her happy or unhappy and what is making you happy or unhappy. And then work from there.

RosaMarie · 41-45, F

I would add that even if you end up breaking up, thank her for opening up. Give her positive feedback for good communication. If that happens, she saved you moving out there to learn that you were not for each other.

somedude15 · 22-25, M

@RosaMarie well, we're talking now and the conversation is steering towards figuring out what we really want out of this relationship. We're going to talk later today and I guess that'll decide it

RosaMarie · 41-45, F

@somedude15 Or maybe it won't and a conversation three months down the line will. Communication is an ongoing thing.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@RosaMarie My advice which was to advise him to break up definitely wasn't knee jerk.
I was in a 6 year long distance ( outside of my country) relationship. I am now married to him ( 8 years, 14 total together).
Honesty is a must but that Honesty needs to come from respect and love. I did take into consideration that he hasn't been with her all that long. People give way too much energy into People who don't give that same energy back and she said way too many things that made this in my opinion a loosing game. Her words and actions were disrespectful in my opinion.

RosaMarie · 41-45, F

@REMsleep You gave a long and thought out reply. There were several that called for a break up. It wasn't yours that made me collectively refer to them as knee jerk. I wasn't calling you out generally or specifically. I also still stand by my advise to have open communication with her.