Love & Attraction

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Are you still mourning a past relationship even though you've moved on?

I am VERY happy with my current girlfriend--happy enough to put a ring on it soon--but every now and then, my brain plays back breakup scenes of horror like the day I came home to an empty house...with a note. Funny, I thought I was married. That would be followed by months of legal wranglings and therapy. They aren't legit "flashbacks" but I just recall those things.

Or, perhaps, the final moments of my relationship with my college girlfriend or high school girlfriend.

Sometimes, my brain is the DVR from Hell. It works ok...but it has its moments.

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Starcrossed · 41-45, F

Yes, but in retrospect there was a fair bit of emotional abuse and trauma going on in that relationship that took a while to recognize was happening. I know I'm healthier and healing without his toxicity in my life.

LadyGrace · 70-79

@Starcrossed Good for you. Some aren't that astute.

Adogslife · 61-69, M

Happily divorced. No regrets, except the alimony.

Just got engaged last weekend, so life is good.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

@Adogslife Congratulations!

Adogslife · 61-69, M

@uncalled4 Ty!

JerseyGal · 51-55, F

Sigh... yes, although I am very happy now.
There is one that I thought was that "ONE". My mind replays things now & then.
I've moved on, but will never complete be over or forget.
This one really hurt, scarred me.
A certain song or words will take me back again.
I think there is always that one from the past that will be forever with you, even after moving on.

PassingThrough · 46-50, M

@JerseyGal agree with all of this 💯

SubstantialKick · 36-40, M

Yeah. I had a huge crush on an ex-friend of mine several years ago. She didn't want a relationship but had no problem with my stronger feelings for her. That is until I continually kept trying to ask her out like a dumbass, and eventually we had to give each other space. Haven't talked to her in 9 years now.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

@SubstantialKick That's tough. I did hit on a woman friend once and she beat me like a rented mule(metphorically).

RebelFox · 36-40, F

Yes, I miss him. I miss the way he would hold me, the way his touch felt. I miss his face when he was loving me so rawly. I miss talking to him and he would kiss me as he listened. I miss him dreadfully but I’m afraid if I reach out, he will pull me down again. I’m so tired of believing and not being believed in.

LadyGrace · 70-79

No. I realize God protected me and saved me from not only a bad decision, then situation, but future terrible heartbreak. We need to pay attention to the red flags. They're there for a reason and most the time it's not the person we are sad about. It's more the idea that we were deceived, that the other person was not emotionally available anyway, and we were lied to, and we are mourning the fact that we are missing only what we thought we had. Big difference.

Bexsy

I will see a certain picture. Or hear a song. Might even be driving and see a certain scenic view and memories will just happen. It's okay to remember. I just don't dwell on it

PassingThrough · 46-50, M

I mourned a former relationship for over 20 years based on the version of me I thought life owed me when I thought of my future with her. It took me a while to get my head out of my ass on that one.

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PassingThrough · 46-50, M

@DoubleRings I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you hoped. Believe me I do understand. A part of me died the day I finally let go of her in reality but in my heart and mind I kept that window open for decades thinking “what if?” Just this year I finally came to terms with letting that feeling go and moving on. But it feels like I have to also let go of that version of me too. Then I realized how much I didn’t like that version of me because I wasn’t as kind or patient or loving or selfless as I could have been.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@PassingThrough So tough to let go. For me I was never a better person. It’s funny how some people can bring out the best or the worst in us. You wouldn’t think that could happen if to the degree it does. But other people really do shape us!

PassingThrough · 46-50, M

@DoubleRings agreed. I have learned a lot in that time. But it is hard to look at yourself in the mirror and see what happened to make something change so much. She was my first in many ways and that’s another reason she haunts me

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

Some memories just bite you in the ass sometimes 🤷

SW-User

With my dreams it happens. They betray be sometimes

Nadie

Indeed. I always expect the boyfriend to change his mind and just end things like the last one. It came out of the blue, so that's how I imagine all relationships ending now.

SW-User

Yeah. But it's more about the way they made me feel when things were good than it is about them as a person. They just told me everything I wanted to hear.

Souls

No, I think without experiences life wouldn't have meaning. People are in your life for a reason or a season moving on is a part of life

JestAJester · 31-35, M

I suppose here and there I look back to that "one" relationship. The one where I felt happy to be alive. Felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Didn't think something this great could ever happen to me. I look back with some regret but I also know that I did not do anything wrong. I may not have done as much as I could have but I didn't make a major mistake. I guess I look back because it was the first time and only time I ever felt like that and I've never gotten anywhere close to that same feeling again.

OceanRoses · F

Glad you found happiness now, sorry all that happened to you.
Been a few Good & not so, memories yes. I live & learn think of the good.
souls left to meet life a miracle grateful.
Some ppl need more love
Some less, some in between
Some ppl fit like a glove
Some don’t, some remain, some yet to be seen.
ppl change like seasons, at times it ends
again we find a match for who knows how many seasons?
I found, trigger times? Tigers stripes never change toxic is toxic.
Nature is my church for healing.
Best to you.

SW-User

I do not mourn it. But like you, my mind does have it's little playback times. And i do not enjoy that at all.

Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

Yes I will forever mourn losing him but I realize now it was never meant to be

SW-User

Yeah. But he left me so its too late now.

Jamesy · 41-45, M

@SW-User is he insane

SW-User

@Jamesy no he just didnt love me

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

Yes. Married almost 5 years now and it’s still like that for me.

SW-User

Thankfully, I have made peace with past relationships. They came for a reason and beyond that they did not need to be in my life.

Jeephikelove · 51-55, F

Sorry that your marriage ended like that. ☹️

To answer your question…yes.

sspec

No. I don't. Though the lessons would Stay.

cd4259 · 61-69, M

Been there and know what you mean

DeluxedEdition · 26-30, F

Was it traumatic that she left in the manner that she did?

TheThinker · 56-60, M

Oh, where to start...

SkeetSkeet · 100+, F

Occasionally my brain likes to relive those found memories of hell

SW-User

I have moments where things like that come back to my mind.

I dismiss the thoughts almost instantly. No good can come from dwelling on ghosts from the past like that. The past is gone.

Lilnonames · F

Yes and certain songs or foods will trigger them

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