Are you still mourning a past relationship even though you've moved on?

I am VERY happy with my current girlfriend--happy enough to put a ring on it soon--but every now and then, my brain plays back breakup scenes of horror like the day I came home to an empty house...with a note. Funny, I thought I was married. That would be followed by months of legal wranglings and therapy. They aren't legit "flashbacks" but I just recall those things.

Or, perhaps, the final moments of my relationship with my college girlfriend or high school girlfriend.

Sometimes, my brain is the DVR from Hell. It works ok...but it has its moments.

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PassingThrough · 46-50, M

I mourned a former relationship for over 20 years based on the version of me I thought life owed me when I thought of my future with her. It took me a while to get my head out of my ass on that one.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

relatable @PassingThrough

PassingThrough · 46-50, M

@DoubleRings I’m glad it can be because I felt like I was stunted for a while because Of this relationship being like an anchor around my ankle

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@PassingThrough same. for me it is still the anchor. we cant really predict what could have been but there’s a good chance i’d be in a better place with him. I was my best self with him.

PassingThrough · 46-50, M

@DoubleRings I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you hoped. Believe me I do understand. A part of me died the day I finally let go of her in reality but in my heart and mind I kept that window open for decades thinking “what if?” Just this year I finally came to terms with letting that feeling go and moving on. But it feels like I have to also let go of that version of me too. Then I realized how much I didn’t like that version of me because I wasn’t as kind or patient or loving or selfless as I could have been.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@PassingThrough So tough to let go. For me I was never a better person. It’s funny how some people can bring out the best or the worst in us. You wouldn’t think that could happen if to the degree it does. But other people really do shape us!

PassingThrough · 46-50, M

@DoubleRings agreed. I have learned a lot in that time. But it is hard to look at yourself in the mirror and see what happened to make something change so much. She was my first in many ways and that’s another reason she haunts me