Have you ever had to change who you were to be with someone?

Yeah, that’s a pretty classic abuse cycle dialogue. If it helps, that pattern has more to do with the abuser’s need for control and projected personal inadequacies than you.

On the other hand, people like that prey on your insecurities to get you hooked into their impossible loop. With people like that there is no satisfying them. No amount of changes would’ve ever been enough because it’s never about the one particular change. It’s about making sure that you stay malleable .

The best thing you can do is leave then to do a ton of inner work to figure out how to get secure with who you are, so next time when you meet someone like that you can tell them to go Fnck off rather than let your attachment to them blind you to the abuse cycle.

I have changed myself completely when I met my husband:

I've changed my hair style the way he wanted it, I changed things on my body because he wanted it, I did things he asked me to do which I NEVER would do for any other person, I even beared that he called me names no other human in life never would call me like that. But it was not enough.

Nevertheless he rejected me from day 1 of our hell marriage, until I fled with baby on my arms and left the country. 😐

I would have had to change who I am in ways I couldn't and would not wish to, in order 'please' and remain with more than one someone. That is why I am no longer with them.

Id make adjustments to be in harmony with someone, but no id not compromise my principles in order to be in a relationship.

Yes, I tried fitting the likings and preferences of someone I was with. It turned out too hard cause it was never enough. I quit and thank God that person is out of my life even though they asked to come back

yes but we had a big age difference and i was young so I didn't know any better... it was hurtful too when I decided to speak up, i ended up lying and being terrified :/

Yes that was me until my mental health began to suffer then had to walk away.

Yes but she made me a better person. But how does it play out?

I had health issues all loved up but my health issues so now single

That is when you disengage and leave.

👍

I did that once then realized almost too late that I was dealing with a narcissist.

With all the trauma you have endured in your lifetime I think it’s a survival thing. You want ti make sure the person you are with is happy even if it means changing yourself. You don’t think they will love the real version of you. In the end it doesn’t help, you just get hurt. I know I tend to do this. It’s a hard pattern to break free from.