Have you ever had to change who you were to be with someone?

Like, when you first meet, they like/love you as you are, but then moving along in the relationship, they constantly hurt you and appologise pretexting they dont do it on purpose, that its just because they've never been with someone like you before and they ask you to give them time to *better* themselves so they wont hurt you anymore, but it never happens .... so you have to change who you are to ease the relationship on their side... like you hide the pain and hurt they cause you to try to make it work?

I always used to do that, but always ended up the hurting one in the end... why am I like this

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WhateverWorks · 36-40

Yeah, that’s a pretty classic abuse cycle dialogue. If it helps, that pattern has more to do with the abuser’s need for control and projected personal inadequacies than you.

On the other hand, people like that prey on your insecurities to get you hooked into their impossible loop. With people like that there is no satisfying them. No amount of changes would’ve ever been enough because it’s never about the one particular change. It’s about making sure that you stay malleable .

The best thing you can do is leave then to do a ton of inner work to figure out how to get secure with who you are, so next time when you meet someone like that you can tell them to go Fnck off rather than let your attachment to them blind you to the abuse cycle.