I Want To Write My Random Thoughts And Feelings

I feel everything is crushing down, as in everything. From my hopes and dreams down to my current situation. I don't know how long can I still hold on. I am so emotional these days. A lot is coming and seems like nothing is going or being solved.

I feel lost, I just hold on to God, but if these keeps going I don't if that is enough for me to be firm and strong. I'm a human, a woman, I feel so alone with everything that is happening.

Everyday I have to fake a smile and pretend to keep going as if I am not affected, but deep down inside, I am really bothered, maybe I am just so good at pretending that no one can noticed it. Maybe....

My thoughts are mixed. I don't know what to say anymore... I just want to blot it out without being judge by anyone...

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SW-User

I've shared those same feelings many times...that total lack of control. There's no easy answer to stop the spiral. I hope you're able to find some focus...I've found the little distractions in life can help.

SomeoneIusedtobe · 31-35, F

@SW-User i hope so because it seems everything is out of my control it is an external factors..

SW-User

@SomeoneIusedtobe I wish I had better words to offer. I'm still trying to figure it out all myself. Right now I'm the type to retreat inward...I find myself living in the escape I've created in my mind more times than not. I don't know how productive it is but I feel like it helps.

SomeoneIusedtobe · 31-35, F

@SW-User maybe that's a good idea, but once alone you will feel again and think again, whatever is left behind. It's like hunting you down...

SW-User

@SomeoneIusedtobe I know that...the feelings I try to suppress at times are never too far away. And the slightest thing can set them off at times.

SomeoneIusedtobe · 31-35, F

@SW-User yeah. The hardest fight, is the fight within ourselves. I guess it's a long battle before I can end it.

SW-User

@SomeoneIusedtobe Well don't give up...find the small victories. Focus on what doesn't require a fake smile. There has to be something...

SomeoneIusedtobe · 31-35, F

@SW-User yeah... Haaayy... Life... Thanks...😊

SW-User

@SomeoneIusedtobe LOL, I just pictured a painful smile and an exhausted thumbs up.

SomeoneIusedtobe · 31-35, F

@SW-User hahahaa.. let's just say, knowing someone understand your situation gives you a light feeling. It's a weak smile but a genuine one. 😃

SW-User

@SomeoneIusedtobe Understanding definitely has some warmth to it. It can be a tough go trying to find it. Especially when you think you have it only to see it slip out of your grasp.

SomeoneIusedtobe · 31-35, F

@SW-User that's true, it's like even if you're still alone facing everything, knowing at the other end of the road someone is fighting the same battle, feels like not alone anymore..

SW-User

@SomeoneIusedtobe I agree. Company even in misery can be quite satisfying, lol.

SomeoneIusedtobe · 31-35, F

@SW-User yeah.. that's how we connect to others sometimes... Empathy, sympathy.. etc... We can relate..

SW-User

@SomeoneIusedtobe Well I'm glad we could relate ;) Thanks for sharing this post...hope it eases the brain putting it out there.

SomeoneIusedtobe · 31-35, F

@SW-User yeah. 😊