Serious question: I am attending therapy because of the abusive relationship And I happened to...

caccoon · 36-40

I was a big mess after mine for a few years, and elements of it are still around. I mostly struggled when there was any kind of conflict I was witnessing (but not involved in). I would just start shaking.

I mostly felt (and still sometimes feel) like I deserved it, or like I had done something wrong. And for a long time I was afraid he'd find me.

I was very apologetic a lot of the time. I am often afraid to look men in the eye still.

A few times a year, I will see someone that I think is him, and my brain totally makes his face over someone else's face. It's really fucking scary, and weird. It honestly doesn't sound real. It makes me panic and want to run.

Sorry, I feel like all of this is maybe unrelated

How long has it been since you've left him?

JustGoneNow ·

We control what we can. That’s why I cut, starve, clean, even sex… pretty much everything I do. When we feel like we have no control in our lives, we often can get hyper controlling on what’s left.

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WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

So, when I get really worked up/manic and don’t want to focus on crazy shit in my head… I clean like a muthafucker haha

And I’m not usually a neat freak (I’m clean but usually don’t mind clutter). I need to focus the anxiety and shit coursing through me somewhere, and in my current situation, cleaning is the best option or yardwork

TexChik · F

I think that is more of a coping mechanism to burn off the excessive psychic energy that is pouring out of you because you are upset still with the situation but still managing to function.

Nebula · 41-45, F

I had the OCD as a kid really bad too. I know you are going through stressful stuff lately. You can message me any time if you want to talk or vent or anything at all ❤️

TurtlePink · 22-25, F

I’m proud of you queen

Supernova · F

So sorry you're experiencing this. Be patient and gentle with yourself, you've been through a lot and might cope with the progression away from the abuse in phases that are handled in different ways. That's how it was for me after ending a toxic marriage many years ago. I'm currently struggling through the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. The suffering is crazy making, the trauma bonding is like nothing I could ever imagine. I feel like I'm in a kind of shock that this is actually happening to me. The psychological effects of the abuse is dark and cruel.

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

Is your therapist trauma informed? This could easily be a symptom of PTSD.

InstructHer · 56-60, M

Sounds like you are trying to make order and take control of that which you can.

Oster1 · M

I'm sending, my Rescue Team! No, I will not tolerate this!

Yetti · 51-55, M

Probably the remnants of the abuse. Fairly understandable, all reasonable to expect from an abusive relationship. Keep attending therapy. The progress might be slow. You're doing fine, keep it up. This won't be quick. 🤗🤗🤗

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

I survived an abusive relationship with a narcissist and believe I had both PTSD as well as a psychotic moment or two based on dealing with her. I too have OCD(diagnosed), and it's part of who I am--the fastidious way I do things, drumming my hands on things(I actually do play drums), my uncompromising nature--all of that is OCD-based, I believe.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

I am SO sorry @DeluxedEdition that you had such a hellish experience. I got my abusive narc ex out of my life(I had actually put a ring on it, which made her worse), but not before she came to my house unannounced while I was at work, let herself in with my key, erased all of my phone messages on my old machine, and punched a hole in my wall.

She hit me, too, but we live in a world where if I returned fire, I'd be in jail. It was enough to be rid of her psycho ass. But I'd get those stress-related eye twitches and insomnia and anxiety attacks that were so bad that I had my parents come and remove me from my house. I did not know at the time that one's nervous system simply gets overloaded and begins to malfunction.

There ARE good men out there who WILL appreciate you for what you bring to the table, I swear. You did not deserve to be with a mental defective like that. Learning experience? You bet. I will never forget that, and I will try my damnedest to help others.

MrBrownstone · 46-50, M

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iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

I am in an emotionally abusive relationship so I understand. I am so glad you are free from that and in therapy.

Cleaning is a good thing but if it’s getting to the point that it’s stressing you out to where you can’t function it won’t hurt to mention this.

SW-User

Need a job ?

I pay a maid twice a week to clean the rental and my half.

$35 per hours at 6 hours each day

Rental side is 2 master bedrooms, my side is 3 bedrooms

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