Back here, not the same

A month ago, I had a near death experience. So many things changed in my life and I lost a dear family member. I decided to make another account here, since I deleted my account last year due to some problems, just to say goodbye to a dear friend on here. Idk, I thought, I didnt want to leave this world without him knowing how valuable our friendship was to me.
I checked his profile and realized his mom has passed away and it really broke my heart bc I wasnt there for him...he might have needed a friend and I wasnt there... that made me feel really bad and guilty. I didnt msg him, Idk..maybe I thought he had enough to worry abt...
So now Im here, and maybe I share some thoughts and feelings...maybe SW makes me feel better, like it used to...