I see lot of people ending up with wrong people just because they don't want to be alone, different or left out

I used to look at it like you do. I saw so many of my friends putting up with terrible mates just so they wouldn't be alone later in life.

They were right. Lots of the women lost their husbands to a younger woman as they aged, but they ended up with a large social circle and their adult children.

The men complained about their controlling nagging wives but they didn't like their own cooking (which consisted of heating up a can of soup and making toast) and they didn't want to attempt to do their own laundry or manage their own social life and make their own Christmas card list. So they stayed. And ultimately they were grateful to their nagging wives when they got old and got cancer or a heart condition and their wives nursed them through their last illness and put a good wide screen TV in their room and advocated for them when they were in a hospital.

The Bible says it's not good for man to be alone. Well, it's not good for women, either. I am now old and alone. I didn't put up with a crazy or violent mate. I learned to be independent and to function well on my own...

So I am alone now, no family, so social life. I had a few good friends but they all died or they moved away to another state to be near their children who now take care of them. I am ill, lonely, and in desperate need of help. I have a very small retirement pension (I'm a retired teacher) but not enough to afford a retirement or nursing home anywhere in the US.

Believe me, I've done a LOT of research. And I can state this simply enough: The United States is a really bad place to be old in! Unless you have a lot of money, there is very little help available. If you're rich you are OK, and if you are desperately on-the-streets poor there may be some small amount of help in your community. But otherwise, forget it. You will have to commit suicide before you get old. Or commit a serious crime and get yourself sentenced to prison where you will at least get meals and laundry taken care of. I've heard federal prisons are best.

So here are my 2 current possibilities:

1) Live with my niece who lives 1000 miles away from my current location. She's offered to take care of me. But she lives in a tiny trailer on a chicken farm and there's no room for me. So she is looking for a house to rent in her area (Portland, Oregon) where she, her husband and daughter and I could all live together. As you probably know, there's a housing shortage now. So, after months of searching, she has been unable to find anything. She says she will keep trying.

2) Move to another country where nursing homes don't cost as much so I'd be able to afford them. Baja, Mexico would be my first choice. There are some pretty nice board and care homes and nursing homes down there. They cost half as much as the ones I can't afford in the US. My plan would be to find a good private social worker to give me a list of homes down there that are OK and then drive down below the border and check them out.

Meanwhile, I pray every day that my niece finds a house to rent. And I live in one rented room trying to survive (I don't call it "living") and waking up most mornings wishing I had died during the night. My idea of a good day is one in which I have a bowel movement and no sales or scammer calls on my phone.

So, maybe all of my unhappily married friends were right. It's not good to be alone in life. At least, not when you're old. And if you're old and sick, it's an outright disaster.

I feel sad for the folks who will be with anyone willing because they can't be alone for 5 minutes. There's no growth there. Many times they keep choosing the wrong person, the same person. Being able to be alone with ourselves comfortably, to reflect on what happened when it ends, means you will see what you do/did and stop that behavior.

Sometimes we get sucked in and believe the crap, I honestly didn’t think when I married he was the wrong one, he was a good actor lol.

I didn’t stay out of loneliness, I was more lonely staying.

{simplylogical ] well to be honest any relationship can be a gamble you know .not just choosing someone out of desperation

Just like you said - they don’t want to be alone of left out. Being alone is the pits, and even the wrong partner might see you through some tough times. If you have found that soulmate, don’t brag - it can change.

I don't end up with the wrong partner, I choose them, at least I know full well what I'll be getting and not worry about being back stabbed or other stuff

We're social creatures. I know that some best thrive when alone, but others need company. It then becomes a matter of good leadership.

I don't think it's because they don't want to be alone, different or left out. It's usually because the "wrong person" is a Jekyll-and-Hyde weirdo. Nobody wants to date those creatures here, so they are the ones who end up feeling alone, different or left out, and it's no more than they deserve.

detachment issues

Me too. Which brings about the question is it better to "settle" than take a chance on living alone?

Because everyone fears being alone for some reason

Maybe we're the wrong ones

Humans are social beings

[i]Wrong[/i] people...
Hmm, I don't really believe in wrong and right people, beyond the abusers and extreme situations. Sometimes it's just incompatibility. Many times it's codependency or attachment issues. It's hard for most people to be alone.

It’s me, I’m a lot of people

why do u think they’re with the wrong ppl

Stupid and products of liberal education and fake news.

I learned my lesson.ya it's a big waste

High percentage of those types

Envious?

😌

you presume a lot

The answers a are in ur question...anything but alone!

Presently I am feeling so alone...