Which family members death changed your life the most after it happened or maybe changed your whole mindset in life?

My father who took his own life last February. The anniversary of his passing, is coming up in a couple of weeks...The grief has been something else. He wasn't a perfect man, but a good man. He deserved so much better...I thought I had felt pain before, but this has been on a whole different level. My chest physically hurts, when I think about him sometimes...I have been in a deep depression for the past couple of months. Which, is part of the reason why I joined SW. I wanted to ease back into socializing. I wanted to hopefully make some connections and learn from others.