Aww. What you're feeling and what you've felt is normal. I can relate because when I was a child I always found my dad and older brothers (of whom there are many) intimidating and even in my adult life I'm timid and afraid of upsetting people.

Thankfully my dad is still around but he's up there in age and I dread the day that he's no longer around and I have to think of all the times I held it against him that he was stern and angry.

But I also try to realize it's not my fault for recognizing that. Neither is it yours in your circumstances. It sounds like you took it very well. 🫂

I had a somewhat strained relationship with my dad, but still had some ache when he passed. I’m sure situations were different, but it’s ok to feel hurt and sadness. And to be bitter. But one day, hopefully you’ll figure out he doesn’t have that power you any more. And when that happens, it’s a bit freeing.

It's okay to be sad and miss him... he is the only father that you will have (good or bad) and it's okay to grieve the father you should have had - both are normal and healthy responses.

Same here... I understand him better now, all he did was to keep me protected and to make me strong for the life ahead....