whenever I think of childhood I cry bitter tears.

never was a rebellious kid and always listen to my parents.
yet I got yelled at a lot.
My dad voice was actually scary I would trimble in fear of him whenever he yells.
an example of his strictness is that all my clothes are hand me downs (my parents are not broke!!) and I want something new and pretty.
so this one time my grandma gifted me some money and through my friend phone at school I order myself some clothes with it, respectful and appropriate.
my father found out and he yelled at me for doing things in his house without his permission so much so I had to kneel and ask for his forgiveness.

weird that I'd say I miss him because he passed away of cancer.. it was sad and weird seeing towards the ending of his life his eyes where soft and would apologized a lot in his final days.
I forgive him but I'm still hurt. I cry every now and then thinking about everything of him.

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Royricky09

Same here... I understand him better now, all he did was to keep me protected and to make me strong for the life ahead....

FlowerPetal · 22-25, F

@Royricky09 I understand some of the things he did better as I get older but I never understand him treating me like I'm not his daughter sometimes. it hurts my guts.

Royricky09

@FlowerPetal there's no way to understand, you can understand, when you reach his age or similar situations

FlowerPetal · 22-25, F

@Royricky09 I don't agree.. some of his way was understandable but others was unacceptable.

there's better ways to deal with your responsibility than just being harsh at every turn.

there are loving yet firm fathers out there.. they know when to be serious and firm and when to offer love to their children.
whenever I see a father treating his child well and knows how to patebt his child I feel happy for that child because I didn't had that.

Royricky09

@FlowerPetal I knew it...

See, you just compared. That is the biggest reason. I don't expect you to understand it now.

Im this whole world, parents are the most misunderstood people by their kids.

I'm sorry for your loss, but whatever he gave you, education, roof, etc... Many more.... Be happy and thankful for that, instead of something he couldn't.

FlowerPetal · 22-25, F

@Royricky09 i didn't felt safety in my own home, going to school felt like an escape from home which always made me felt exited going and not wanting school to end.
Gosh i hate to tell you this but I was depressed had the thought of doing it a few times.
at one point I thought of running away from home.
I was depressed and a lot of people could tell I changed a lot after feeling better. even I could feel it in me.
i feel crappy for even posting this reply

Royricky09

@FlowerPetal no, it's absolutely alright to let it out. I've been there, so I understand everybit of it.