Upset
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i was minding my own business buying a water today and a man ive never met before felt like he should approach me and tell me to smile

i told him i haven't smiled since my mom died. then he didnt know what to say. like oh, have i made things uncomfortable for you 🤔

im irritated. i was having a lovely morning. idk what came over me because in situations where im uncomfortable i just laugh awkwardly and try to roll with the punches till it's over. we call this a fawn response ive learned. maybe learning is why my comment took over. or maybe since my mom was much better at conflict she said the words for me lol

another woman on sw had complained about something similiar happening to her a month or two ago and a man left a comment basically saying "you should be lucky someone wants you to be happy" and then he complained about feminism. so for anyone who shares that sentiment id like to offer another pov to consider.. men who approach women to tell them to smile more aren't saying it because they care about their happiness. if you wanted to approach a stranger you think is having a bad day you could ask them whats wrong, you could give them a compliment on their clothes or phone case or hair style, you could even spark up a gentle conversation if they seem interested in talking. but what you don't do is command they do something with their bodies to please you
Ducky · 31-35, F
People who have the gall to do that need to shag off and mind their business. I can't even comprehend the logic behind it. Do they think they're spreading positivity of something? They don't know why someone isn't smiling. Maybe things aren't going well for them in life and don't have much reason to smile right then. You losing your mother is definitely a reason not to smile. I'm sorry, btw. And that that happened to you as well. In any case, whether or not you're smiling was none of that guy's concern and he should've kept his comments to himself. The next time that happens, I'd tell them flat-out to mind their own business. You wouldn't be in the wrong for it.
Frostcloud · F
@Ducky 10000x this
I agree it's very annoying. It's happened to me before.

I'm glad you said what you said to him.

Sorry about your mom. 🙁
Frostcloud · F
@MsSwan i have a really hard time responding the way i did because the last thing i ever want to do is make someone uncomfortable or feel bad. but, at this point, i honestly don't think there's another way for people to learn that is not okay to approach women and say that. like we've been telling them for years and years it's rude and demeaning and are ignored. but only once we make them feel as uncomfortable as they make us do they sort of understand 🙄
@Frostcloud Exactly
Ferric67 · M
I agree with your approach

I try to be very cerebral with people, and often times I find out a lot
Frostcloud · F
@Ferric67 you're amazing
I HATE when people tell me to smile
Lilnonames · F
you did right,i was walking one day in pittsburg and saw a lady with broke arm and limping,as i pass i nod my head and say how you doing, she stopped dead in her sttteps and grabbed my arm,she said im not doing good at all ,my husband beat me up, took our car and left with another woman,,,,, i was left speechless and only thing i could do was hug her,we both cry,she thanked me and said now im better and limped away with a smile,i never to this day ask anyone how they doing
Lilnonames · F
@NativePortlander1970 it was sad i was 12,it still sticks in my mind now as what did she do after we parted
Frostcloud · F
@Lilnonames thats horrible for her but also very sad to unload that on a small child she doesn't know. i know she needed someone in that moment but...

what a sad situation all around
Lilnonames · F
@Frostcloud yes or did that show her there is life.. And she can move on

 
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